So the Big 'D' word.....

[IainB]

Just wondered if anyone had been through a Divorce recently (where children are involved) and how you went about it.
Also looking for any good links for advice (for both parties) as currently trying to work this out without solicitor involvement
Thanks

[Knipples]

I have no advice as such, just wanted to say i'm sorry and I hope you are ok.

[nellystew]

You could consider using a mediation service http://www.nfm.org.uk/

They'll talk to you individually and together and help you come to a joint agreement that covers finances, access to children etc.

You can then take to a solicitor to have it made legal (well, it needs to go before a judge for that).

I think the costs average out around £500 for the mediation (it's been over 8 years since I did it).

The advantage of the mediation is that as there's a 3rd party helping to draw up the agreement, neither side feels like it's a tit-for-tat thing.

[Treefrog]

Not divorce but split from a long-term gf if that's close enough?
Sort out as much as you can between yourselves, the money is much better spent on the kids than on solicitors' fees.
The happier both parties are with the deal, the more likely it is to run smoothly. No deal will make both sides completely happy so aim for a workable compromise that both feel able to agree to.
Also consider the 'what if's - I guess neither of you is planning on celibacy for the rest of your life, so how will it be dealt with if one party feels that their ex's new partner is having an adverse effect on the kids? (just as an example)

Just the first general thoughts that popped into my head, hope it helps and gives you a starting point to build on. And best of luck for a workable future :)

[IainB]

Thanks peeps :)
Were right at the start, so just trying to get through all the information that available (Ive already had conflicting information from my work provided 'solicitor' to what Ive seen online)
Hoping to go down the mediation route as its cheaper than the solicitors....the money is most definitley better spent on the kids, dont want them to get dragged around in all of this.
Totally gutted atm....I guess its one way of weight loss :(

[Roberta]

Been through a marriage break up 6 years ago with 3 kids involved but don't have any real advice about separating things legally as we're best mates and still live in the same house! I can offer emotional support if you like though!

[lostkat]

Hope everything goes as smoothly as it possibly can Iain. Really sorry to hear that it's come to this :(

[IainB]

cocking hell.... (can I say that?) this has to be the worst thing in the world, ever....I thought I was doing OK, until late last night when it all finally hit home, lets just say today has been 'emotional'

Roberta, interested in your arrangements as likewise we are all in the same house, for the minute at least

[Nutcase]

So sorry for you Iain :( Hope you both be as amicable as possible and it goes as well as it can.

[Roberta]

Roberta, interested in your arrangements as likewise we are all in the same house, for the minute at least

Sure. What would you like to know? Feel free to PM!

[Desmo]

I can't really help in any way mate but my parents are going through this right now. It DOES get better but you will have a few set backs along the way. You think everything is going smoothly and then something crops up. I know it's not what you want to hear right now but it's no good me sugar coating it for you. Drop me a mail or PM if you want to. I'm also on MSN pretty much all day during the week :)

[IainB]

Just need to post this to get it out my system.....came home from a lovely day out with my boys to be told 'we need a chat'
Looks like they are moving out this weekend, just around the corner and 2 doors away from her parents..im now im total shock :(
This has all happend so quickly

[Knipples]

Im sorry.

If its any consolation at least they won't be far away.
(not that it's the same as being in the same house as them)

[Nutcase]

:(

[Treefrog]

Ouch! At least the kids aren't too far away which is always a good thing. Spend as much time with them as you can - they'll never be that age again.
How well do you get on with her parents btw?

'we need a chat'
Why does that always translate as "I'm going to tell you something"?

[Darrin]

Why does that always translate as "I'm going to tell you something"?



More along the lines of, "I'm going to destroy every last shred of emotional being that exists in you, throw it on the floor and trample it right in front of your eyes. I will then make you eat the remains so I can do it all over again." Either that or, "You ****ed up bad this time. Prepare to have your heart ripped out your colon."


Sorry to hear about the break up, Iain. It's never a good thing and my experience certainly didn't go smoothly. The only blessing in disguise I had was she packed up and ran almost 1,000 miles away and we had no kids.

[IainB]

****ing hellfire this is doing me in :( most weird posting about it on a forum as well..... I am a total emotional wreck at the minute (which makes work...interesting)

Im intending to spend as much time as I possibly can, they were told this evening, at least that is out the way and yes, they are just around the corner so for them its a bit of an adventure (and now they have a room each)

Just in case anyone wants to help refurbish the house.... http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=260483157470

[Fayshun]

Tis Lom

I'm so sorry that you are having such a crap time!!
I guess like others have said, its good they will be living close to you.
I hope that you start feeling a bit more with it emotionally easier said than done I know *hugs*