View Full Version : What do you do when there's a Man in your house?
Briggykins
26-11-2009, 17:02
We've got a Man in the house (British Gas man doing the annual checkup thingy) and I'm casting around for something that'll make me look busy. What do you normally do when you've got a Man in? Watch telly? Follow him around the house inspecting his work? Sit in a room and hide? I always feel like a right buffoon no matter what I do.
Depends what he's doing. If it's something complicated that might kill me if he messes it up, then give him a cuppa and leave him be. If he's hooking up the satellite or mending the phone line then just chat about the job in hand then when the convo dries up... cuppa.
masturbate furiously from the top of the stairs, wearing yellow socks and a cape.
Belmit: For some reason I was expecting your response to be "Fap" ;D
I make polite conversation with them, offer tea! And then go plonk in the lounge where I can still see them! Always paranoid they might be like one of these dodgy people that have a whazz in your drawers or something. So I'm a secret spy-er ;D
I turn into Mrs Doyle and pester them, 'Now, would you like a nice cup of tea? Ah gawangawangawan.'
Belmit: For some reason I was expecting your response to be "Fap" ;D
Only if they're fixing the internet, for irony+.
I'd wander around in a floaty nightie and fluffy stiletto slippers, offering them tea and a 'little something to go with it'.
Oh, hang on, I'm confusing real life with pr0n again, sorry. :p
Admiral Huddy
26-11-2009, 17:23
masturbate furiously from the top of the stairs, wearing yellow socks and a cape.
haha.. The mind boggles..
Yeah I hate this.. I was bashing one out once forgetting that someone was in the garden.
My mrs does this most of the time.. not bashing one out.. well she might do and I don't know. so... vfebv ...........#rushes home#
Admiral Huddy
26-11-2009, 17:23
I'd wander around in a floaty nightie and fluffy stiletto slippers, offering them tea and a 'little something to go with it'.
Oh, hang on, I'm confusing real life with pr0n again, sorry. :p
good girl :D
Always paranoid they might be like one of these dodgy people that have a whazz in your drawers or something.
When I were a young lad we used to call a Fap a Whazz. Makes your sentence seem even funnier ;D
Briggykins
26-11-2009, 17:39
People have whazzes in drawers? But he seemed like such a nice young man.
/checks drawers
Didn't realise it was considered dodgy, guess I'd better stop doing it then. :confused:
Admiral Huddy
26-11-2009, 17:52
I once went round a womans house to fix her PC. She went for a shower.. I was slightly aroused... :)
Knipples
26-11-2009, 18:26
I dont tend to leave the room they are in, prefer to keep an eye on them just in case, plus I like finding out how stuff works, so I hover, asking questions.
Have generic "grumpy old men" conversations about immigrants/tax/stability of the economy/women/etc
The bloke who did a service on the old boiler (arf arf!) told me that he didn't want to come here again because the church opposite "brought back memories of the worst day of his life."
"Funeral?" I enquired?
"My wedding day" he quipped
[Camera fades out to the sound of much "Sid James" style laughter]
Usually watch them and do my best Scrooge impression. Tea? Who do you think I am?
Except builders, where I'm well aware that tea is mandatory. :)
TinkerBell
26-11-2009, 20:40
Would you react differently if it was a woman coming into your house and doing similar jobs?
When it is them just doing a checkup I ask them if they want a drink and wait until they are done. If they are doing abit of work to fix something I leave them too it.
OnStream came and changed our electricity meter today. Me and the girls sat on the stairs and watched him because we couldn't watch Nick Jr. or Cbeebies
OnStream came and changed our electricity meter today. Me and the girls sat on the stairs and watched him because we couldn't watch Nick Jr. or Cbeebies
Were you all sat there going 'Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Are you done yet?' ;D
Stan_Lite
27-11-2009, 05:22
Similar to iCraig, I tend to masturbate vigorously while complimenting them on the shape of their bottom and asking if they've "Been working out?".
Lot of unfinished jobs in our flat :confused:
wonder around, clean the kitchen, put washing on. I don't follow them around but I do hover.
Give them a cup of tea, ask if they'd rather that I left them to it and then let them get on with it.
Justsomebloke
27-11-2009, 08:36
What do you do when there's a Man in your house?.
Set the kin dog on him !!! :angry:
Davey_Pitch
27-11-2009, 09:32
Give them a cup of tea, ask if they'd rather that I left them to it and then let them get on with it.
Same here generally. I usually tell them to shout me if they need me, and leave the doors open so I can hear if they need anything. I hate people watching me work so I tend not to do it to other people, unless it's something I'm really interested in and fancy knowing more about.
Pumpkinstew
27-11-2009, 09:44
Would you react differently if it was a woman coming into your house and doing similar jobs?
I'd have to scrutinise her credentials properly.
Then I'd probably blow the dust of the dumb bells and start pumping some iron. Grrrr.
Same here generally. I usually tell them to shout me if they need me, and leave the doors open so I can hear if they need anything. I hate people watching me work so I tend not to do it to other people, unless it's something I'm really interested in and fancy knowing more about.
Yeah, drives me nuts when someone stands over me when I work on their PC. I was lucky in our last flat, the letting agents would just give the workmen a spare key and we would come home to fixed stuff!
I was lucky in our last flat, the letting agents would just give the workmen a spare key and we would come home to fixed stuff!
Majik fixing fairies for the win!
I'd wonder what happened the night before.
Be friendly :)
Make them a cuppa, have a quick chat about nothing in particular and then leave them to get on with their job without being a pain.
When they're just about done, I creep behind them and place a hankerchief doused in Chlorophorm around their mouth, holding their neck until they pass out; this allows me to give them a frisk without confrontation to ensure they haven't pinched any pennies from my empty whiskey bottle or eaten any of my biscuits whilst left unattended in the kitchen (I undertake a thorough scanning of garments for any sign of crumbs and/or chocolate). I then simply drag their body into the outside communal bin-store and pop a business card for a local funeral directors in their top-pocket.
p.s. People have mentioned about Fwapping - you lot need to get your brains checked! :p
I always offer them tea or coffee and biscuits if we have any. Then, depending on what they are doing, carry on with what I was doing before they came in. When the people came to fit the laminate floor, I was sat on the kitchen counter reading as there was nowhere else to go. When the carpet people came, I was sat in the living room on a garden chair, with my laptop on a tv bench while they worked upstairs.
Were you all sat there going 'Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Are you done yet?' ;D
No but when he disconnected the big copper wire off the bottom of the meter we all shouted "BANG"!
Knipples
28-11-2009, 10:17
p.s. People have mentioned about Fwapping - you lot need to get your brains checked! :p
Says the man that wants to chloroform them and murder them! ;D
Well I'm just waiting for a man to come and check out my pipes. If he has a moustache and speaks with a dutch accent, I'm running away.
Think yourself lucky - it took three men to sort out my pipes!
Think yourself lucky - it took three men to sort out my pipes!
While sitting here I realised that my sister had given the plumbing company her mobile number. Not too bad under normal circumstances, except, she's a teacher and can't answer her phone during the day :numpty: so just waiting for a call back from the plumbers on my home phone now.
CaptRugWash
01-12-2009, 12:07
When I was 17 I went round a womans house to fix her PC. She brought me out a beer and opened it over me. It sprayed everywhere, but mostly all over my trousers. It was blatantly obvious why she did it when she said, we best have those trousers off so I can dry them for you.
Of course I obliged but refused to make small chat with her. She had 6 kids, no Dad in sight and I was fresh out of rubbers :(
When you say pc do you really mean 'fridge' ?
I did wonder about such when you said about your huge handlebar moustache and impressive wrench. :p
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