To anyone who's wondered where I've been

[Matblack]

Hello All

I've been gone so long you've probably forgotten who I am

Here is a brief summary of the last three years

New child
Horrible work stress/ environment coupled with not being able to be as dedicated at work as I had been
Taking on too much at work
Wife and daughter wonderful
Stress, paranoia, anger
Clinical depression leading to being prescribed Citalopram
Lots of support from family
Tiredness
Isolation
Wife and daughter still wonderful and very tolerant
Very very tired all the time
Unable to operate at work
Generally feeling weird
Decided to move to the seaside
Sold house (ongoing)
Bought house (ongoing)
Parents also moving to seaside
Secured some contract work with the worlds largest educational company which I can do in new location
Wife and daughter still wonderful
Diagnosed with low thyroid
Now being treated for low thyroid which might have a lot to do with the depressive symptoms
Resigned
Started on Levothyroxine today, already feel like I have a lot more energy

Throughout all this has been an increasing tendency to isolate myself from friends and to reduce my online presence. I'm not sure why when what I needed most was people around me, but people who are depressed aren't necessarily rational. Those of you who I have seen will have noticed that I'm a lot quieter and more introspective then I have been in the past and often engage with Amelie if she is there, in an attempt to avoid conversation and eye contact, sorry if you have experienced this it must he hard when someone you think you know changes their personality so completely.

Throughout all this Heather has been great, really supportive despite working very long days and being tired herself. We are both looking forward to moving and bringing up Amelie 300yrds from the beach and in a more relaxed environment.

I'll be doing some part time work and sorting the new house out (it really needs some work!) then ramping up my hours when Amelie goes to school, she's three now and starts in Reception next year!

I really hope that the thyroid treatment will help, I'm already feeling a bit better although this may be a placebo effect from the first dose, we'll see.

Once we've moved and are sorted I'd really like to try and see more of you all and now we'll be able to offer a more interesting place to come than Maidstone!

Depression is weird, a lot of people including a lot of people on here will have far more reasons than me to be unhappy, I have a lot of things that people see as positives in life, a wonderful family, a nice lifestyle and good friends. Why should I have any reason to be depressed?

The answer is I don't know; from what I do know and have read it is less about environment then it is a natural tendency towards a chemical imbalance in the brain. I can trace a lot of the triggers back to work and my job changing and becoming more stressful but many people would have just coped or changed jobs, I didn't I shut down withdrew into myself.

Anyway, I hope you are all well.

MB

[Pickers]

Oh buddy - had no idea on half of those things! Big man hugs!! X

I am following your house purchase a little and am dead excited for you!
Fingers crosses for the treatment - my mum had the same and her energy quickly returned in the grand scheme of things!
X

[volospian]

Welcome back. All that sort of stuff is an arse. I went off the rails a while ago and nearly lost everything, mainly because I withdrew into myself and wouldn't talk to people. I had nightmares, was paranoid, anxious, angry, confused...

Apparently I was showing symptoms of PTSD and had been getting progressively worse as the years went by. It all stemmed from things that happened in my life when I was younger. Sue talked me into going to a councilor who helped me come to terms with things and move on. Sue was amazing. She came to the sessions with me and and if she hadn't been there, I'm not sure I'd have had the strength to delve into the past and come to terms with it.

I've also changed my job, and we're buying a new house. It's all part of that "new start" thing where we can put "what was" behind us and know that "what will be" is the important part. I can now say that life is enjoyable again.

Good to hear you're getting though it.

[Nutcase]

I've also been following the house buying exploits - that part at least I am most jealous of! Good to see the rest looks to be coming back together :)

[Stan_Lite]

Very similar to my Dad.
He was initially diagnosed with depression and given anti-depressants - which did absolutely nothing, apart from give him hallucinations. He was eventually diagnosed with an under-active thyroid and given the correct medication. He noticed an improvement almost immediately but they had him on the wrong dosage for a long time and he was prone to mood swings. Now they have him on the correct dosage, he's much, much better.

Hopefully you'll feel the benefits now you've been correctly diagnosed and have taken steps to remove potentially destructive situations from your life. You're lucky to have a loving and supportive wife and family. My Mam helped my Dad enormously just by standing by him, understanding and showing him love - much as Heather has done for you.

Good luck mate :)

[Knipples]

Hello!

Under active thyroid is an absolute bugger, I was diagnosed at the beginning of the year and have been on thyroxine since. I went in the doctors and told them I thought I was dying because I felt so bad. Glad it's been detected.

Good luck with the moving. Very jealous of you moving to live by the sea

Big hugs and OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE AMELIE IS 3 ALREADY!!

:)

[Tak]

I have been watching your house stuff via fb; I moved on Saturday. I wondered how you guys were getting on - I just assumed you were seeing the others who were more local/closer friends. I'm sorry about what you've gone through. I hope that the meds and the move help and know that your friends are here for you xx

[vix]

Aw just assumed you were busy with the little one.

There is no reason for depression, it's an illness :( hope Citalopram works for you - if you decide to come off it do it very very slowly!

Really cool that you are moving to the beach though :)

[Blackstar]

Try to keep up with you and H on facebook as much as I can. I'm guilty for isolating myself too. The last couple years have been really tough for us and things aren't set to get any easier. I hope that once you have settled in that we might be able to come and visit. :)

[Mark]

Under thyroid is a pain in the ****. I've had one 'under' and one 'normal' test in the past year, so we'll see what the next one says. It's amazing how much impact on your body one thing can have.

Also been following your house move with envious eyes (especially as I have experience with my parents living a little down the coast from where you're going, though they want to move 'up north').

Fingers crossed they've got the medication right and it's not placebo, and fingers crossed for the house move too.

[Desmo]

Mate, I've no experience of anything you're going through but everything you say makes sense. You know where we are if you need anything and we'd love to come and visit....when you're ready :)

[Zirax]

No real experience of this, but some of my mates went through similar in the past. We are only a car ride away.

[Pheebs]

Hey Mb :) Always following your posts and H's on bookface :) Nice to see you back on here though. Hoping once you get moved things will level out again for you a bit and that you get your spring back in your step as soon as possible.

Big bear hugs to you :)

[Pheebs]

Hey Mb :) Always following your posts and H's on bookface :) Nice to see you back on here though. Hoping once you get moved things will level out again for you a bit and that you get your spring back in your step as soon as possible.

Big bear hugs to you :)

[Admiral Huddy]

A lot of sudden changes at the same time can pay it's toll certainly. You lost a lot of weight too and that can have an undesirable effect you both physically and mentally. Maybe you should have put the house move off as that's so much added stress and pressure. I remember you saying years ago how you moved jobs to a less stressful environment and recall how it changed your life for the better. I always held on to the words in some envy.

I'm glad you have some light at the end and you have a supportive family.

All the best matey.

[Haly]

*hugs*

Lots of changes in a relatively short space of time can be pretty unsettling, even if they're good changes.

Similarly, a rough time at work is often terrible for making everything feel a little darker and harder!

Feeling introverted is a vicious circle I find and I know I struggle with it. Remember the world will still be there once you feel like getting back onto it, so to speak. :)

Hope you feel more like yourself, and hope we manage to catch up soon. Been a long time and missed seeing you, Aitch and Amelie!

[semi-pro waster]

Sorry to hear that you've been having such a tough time of it, I hope you're on an upward swing now and that things continue to improve. For whatever it is worth my dad suffers from hyperthyroidism and taking medication to correct that meant that he could function normally again although his issues were weight loss and tiredness more than anything else so hopefully the fact that it has been identified and treated will have a similarly beneficial effect for you.

[leowyatt]

Bloody hell Matt you've been through the mill. Glad things are on the up though :) Keep up with your facebook updates.

Good luck with the move. Amelie is looking very grown up :)