Cheer me up, please.

[Stan_Lite]

I've been suffering from Pharaohs revenge for 3 days now and feel miserable and drained. Please tell me jokes and stuff to cheer me up?

Thank you.

Here's one from my Google homepage which made me smile a little to start you off.

John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends. One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.

When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere. Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, "St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can't find him!"

St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn't make it to Heaven."

This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time. St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other.

John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I'm in the right place?"

"My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn't!"

[Darrin]

May I recommend watching a couple of these (http://www.hornblasters.com/video.php)? They get a little boring after a while, but the initial reaction of some of their victims is actually quite hilarious.

[Stan_Lite]

Thanks Darrin but the bandwidth on the rig here is too pitiful to watch videos - I've bookmarked the page for when I get home though.

[Blackstar]

*Cuddles* Stan can you get post out on the rig? If you can PM me the address. :)

[Stan_Lite]

*Cuddles* Stan can you get post out on the rig? If you can PM me the address. :)

Ta for the cuddle :)

I probably could get post to the rig but I'd probably be home by the time it got here.

[Blackstar]

Nevermind then, i'll just send you another e-cuddle *squeeeeeeeze*

[Treefrog]

"You should have seen the monkey try to put the cork back in" ;D

[Kell_ee001]

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had died, Jenny went straight to visit her grandmother.

When she asked how her grandpa had died, her grandma explained, not holding back anything of course, "He had a heart attack during sex, Sunday morning!"

Horrified, Jenny suggested that screwing at the age of 94 was surely asking for trouble!

"Oh no," her grandma replied. "We had sex every Sunday morning in time with the church bells!"

"In with the dings, out with the dongs!"

She paused to wipe away a tear, "...If it wasn't for that damn Ice Cream Truck, he'd still be alive!"

[Aitch]

LOL at the jokes. Sorry I can't think of any jokes, I am useless at telling them anyway but have a *hug*