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Von Smallhausen
05-09-2007, 18:48
The other day I was in the station climbing the EU paperwork mountain when a call came in for me to attend the town centre as a couple had been spotted having sex. Being fortuitous and duty bound, I decided I had to go. The sergeant came with me.

On arrival, I was directed to an alleyway by some smirking members of the public and looked to see a lad sitting down on a wall with a lass striding him and giving it six nowt. The lass looks down the alleyway, sees me and the sergeant and this clearly shocked her as she proceeded to ........ do nothing and continue to bounce.

I walk over and say .... ' I think thats enough, don't you ? ', the lass gets up and off and tries to get dressed but as she is pissed up she struggles. The lad says to me .... can we not have some privacy while she's getting ready, to which I point out that they are not in an enclosed boudoir and are in fact having sex in public which can be frowned upon. He nods a fair enough. I look down at the floor and it is littered with broken glass and for a second I forget that I am a rozzer and on duty ...... I say to the lass while pointing at the glass.

Flowaa, it's lucky you weren't doggy style .... oops.

She just nods agreement and they both have words of advice before scampering off.

Maybe I am just a prude.

Haly
05-09-2007, 18:52
;D

Dee
05-09-2007, 18:56
Prude tbh

*stifles laughter*

semi-pro waster
05-09-2007, 19:02
;D I'd never thought that being a copper could be so much fun until I heard your stories. :)

Von Smallhausen
05-09-2007, 19:06
I should add that the sergeant bit his lip and walked away .... he broke down laughing.

FakeSnake
05-09-2007, 19:33
question is...
was she cute?

Von Smallhausen
05-09-2007, 20:08
question is...
was she cute?

I have no opinion or biased view matey.

( no ) ;)

Oh, I almost forgot. I asked the lad if it was his girlfriend and he said .... nah, met her in the pub 20 minutes ago.

Respect !

Daz
05-09-2007, 20:24
Classy bird that :D

Will
05-09-2007, 20:28
11th commandment - don't get caught! ;)

I live by that rule - it's fun ;) Don't be such a prude! :p Though from an officer's point of view I completely understand, and tbh it's not nice seeing other people do it in public really... but when you're doing it yourself you don't really care - besides it's part of the excitement ;) Hmmm I think I'm giving too much away, back to my little corner...

Creature
05-09-2007, 20:50
William you dirty little whore...though i'm not really suprised :p

Will
05-09-2007, 21:12
I'm sweet and innocent :angel:

Creature
05-09-2007, 21:16
I believe you ;)

Flibster
05-09-2007, 22:15
but when you're doing it yourself you don't really care - besides it's part of the excitement ;)

You do realise that normally there's two people involved in this.. not just yourself? :p

Will
05-09-2007, 22:17
You do realise that normally there's two people involved in this.. not just yourself? :p

Dammit! I knew I was doing something wrong!!! ;) :p

Mel
05-09-2007, 22:19
Will.... you may be sweet but you are not innocent ;)

Jonny69
05-09-2007, 23:15
Flowaa
Silver tongued cavalier tbh ;)

Feek
06-09-2007, 07:03
Will.... you may be sweet but you are not innocent ;)

Nah, we all know who Sweet and Innocent was ;D :) ;)

Pheebs
06-09-2007, 07:14
Hahahaha - you've had picky and I cracked up here!

LOL.

God bless our nation!

(leon... bless it.)

Admiral Huddy
06-09-2007, 13:06
Classy bird that :D

If she was from Essex, she would have dropped her Chips.. If she was from Suffolk, she would have eaten them at the same time. :)


I'm quite pruddy about these things.. although I'm a self confessed perv I do believe in a time and place and all that. The odd occassions I have with the Mrs.. I've never felt comfortable with it...

All I say is good job he hadn't have finished otherwise he's have messed your shoes.


Actually, I have to ask, what would noramlly happen to a couple who are having sex in public or a car say? Would they be arrested?

Will
06-09-2007, 13:59
Indecent exposure I guess - or something along those lines - it's down to the discretion of the officer I guess. In a field where there's no one I'd let them off, in front of a school, you'd need to be a bit more severe. There is a little bit of common sense to doing such things, you've got to keep it subtle or well timed ;)

Haly
06-09-2007, 15:09
A field at night's always a good place......or so I've heard. ;)

Admiral Huddy
06-09-2007, 16:18
I got stuck in my old Austin Alegro in Epping forest.. The wheels sank as we were palying "mind that gear stick". I had to call my dad out for a tow.. He asked what I was doing there.. ;D

The poor girl I was seeing was totally ..:embarassed:

iCraig
06-09-2007, 19:42
A field at night's always a good place......or so I've heard. ;)

Nope, it isn't. The midges have no fear and attack places that a man shouldn't be attacked in. :undecided:

Haly
06-09-2007, 19:46
Nope, it isn't. The midges have no fear and attack places that a man shouldn't be attacked in. :undecided:

Well I've never heard of that problem before ;D
You must have got unlucky :p

Feek
06-09-2007, 19:56
You don't have the places a man shouldn't be attacked in....

Haly
06-09-2007, 21:38
No, but if I was in this field with someone (hypothetically of course ;)) then so would a man, and hypothetically I don't believe they had any problems either.
Hypothetically speaking of course.

Justsomebloke
06-09-2007, 21:40
I christened my boat the other day :D
Just thought you may want to hear that ;D

P.C Von Prude ;D

Will
06-09-2007, 21:53
Hi5's Malc :cool: Nice one! :D

Justsomebloke
06-09-2007, 22:00
Hi5's back.
Two boats passed us whilst in action an all just to do P.C Prudes head in ;D
" Can they see us " she asked. " No " i replied lying through my teeth ;D

Feek
06-09-2007, 23:01
Hypothetically speaking of course.

But of course :)

Flibster
06-09-2007, 23:27
I christened my boat the other day :D
Just thought you may want to hear that ;D

P.C Von Prude ;D

Can't resist this.... sorry...

In the stern? ;)

Fayshun
07-09-2007, 02:56
Ask Lom about the table in the Peoples Park.

Hypothetically of course. ;)

mejinks
07-09-2007, 08:52
Hypothetically, the road at the end of Cardiff Airport doesn't make a great place either :embarassed: Especially when armed police patrol it:embarassed: Doh!

Lomster
07-09-2007, 09:47
Ask Lom about the table in the Peoples Park.

Hypothetically of course. ;)

I have no idea what you are talking about ;) :p

Wryel
07-09-2007, 10:24
I think if we have any more sex threads I'll be arrested in the middle of Kings Cross station in about three weeks. GRRRAAAAAAGH!!!!!

Treefrog
07-09-2007, 13:55
Ahh, the smell of wildflowers, the drone of the bees, the dappled shade through the trees, the unexpected cold nose of a farmer's dog between your cheeks, the gf saying 'OOOH!!' ;)

Fayshun
07-09-2007, 22:17
I have no idea what you are talking about ;) :p
Or the changing room at Spiceball swimming pool?

Lomster
07-09-2007, 22:44
Or the changing room at Spiceball swimming pool?

Will you stop telling peoples secrets ;)

Fayshun
07-09-2007, 23:13
Will you stop telling peoples secrets ;)
Hypothetical secrets ;)

x

Lomster
07-09-2007, 23:15
Hypothetical secrets ;)

x

Are you sure its not just in your dreams? :p ;)

Lomster
07-09-2007, 23:33
Anyway back to the actual story :)

How can she carry on when she can see old bill is coming? she must have been very drunk.

mejinks
08-09-2007, 01:59
Anyway back to the actual story :)

How can she carry on when she can see old bill is coming? she must have been very drunk.


:dunno: Maybe she was close to the money shot?:D

Fayshun
08-09-2007, 02:02
Do women have vinegar strokes?

mejinks
08-09-2007, 16:15
Do women have vinegar strokes?

You've never witnessed it?
;D

Fayshun
09-09-2007, 22:14
You've never witnessed it?
;D
I've normally rolled over and gone to sleep by then.

Lomster
09-09-2007, 22:40
I've normally rolled over and gone to sleep by then.

ooo you wouldn't dare ;) :p

Fayshun
09-09-2007, 22:41
ooo you wouldn't dare ;) :p
:D

Von Smallhausen
10-09-2007, 13:22
Actually, I have to ask, what would noramlly happen to a couple who are having sex in public or a car say? Would they be arrested?

If it's in view of the public and in public and quite blase then they would likely be arrested for outraging public decency.

At malc ....... high 5 ! :cool:

Fayshun
10-09-2007, 13:42
If it's in view of the public and in public and quite blase then they would likely be arrested for outraging public decency.

We had a customer in on Friday night, he was seen on CCTV in a car park in Oxford knocking one out over a mag in the back of his van. While we were booking him in, he stuck his hand down the front of his kecks and pulled out a rubber band!

I had to build the charge (of Outraging the Public Decency contrary to Common Law) before we bailed him off pending further investigation.

Von Smallhausen
10-09-2007, 14:26
We had a customer in on Friday night, he was seen on CCTV in a car park in Oxford knocking one out over a mag in the back of his van. While we were booking him in, he stuck his hand down the front of his kecks and pulled out a rubber band!

I had to build the charge (of Outraging the Public Decency contrary to Common Law) before we bailed him off pending further investigation.

Was he bailed pending CPS advice ? I can't see what further enquiries would be needed if he's Beadle'd, feeding the ducks over a bongo mag. :D

Fayshun
10-09-2007, 14:35
Was he bailed pending CPS advice ? I can't see what further enquiries would be needed if he's Beadle'd, feeding the ducks over a bongo mag. :D
Yeah, he initially denied it in interview, then said "Well it's my van, it's got dark windows, so what if I was choking le poulet?"

Every time he came near the counter, we either gloved up or had a quick squirt of alcohol gel. I wonder if he noticed....

Von Smallhausen
10-09-2007, 14:56
I will give a fair bet that the CPS may not run with that one given that he was inside the van.

There is case law about OPD, R-v-Hamilton, specifically the two person rule.



“The ‘two person rule’ applicable to the offence of outraging public decency contrary to common law was capable of being satisfied if there were two or more persons present who were capable of seeing the nature of the act even if they did not actually see it.”

I wonder if CCTV monitoring would satisfy a prosecutor when making that decision ?

mejinks
10-09-2007, 20:38
I will give a fair bet that the CPS may not run with that one given that he was inside the van.

There is case law about OPD, R-v-Hamilton, specifically the two person rule.



I wonder if CCTV monitoring would satisfy a prosecutor when making that decision ?


Somebody mentioned to me the other day that the CPS are broke at the mo, so only chasing definite cases they know they can win. I think a far better sentence than jail or community service is to have a picture of the bloke on a local billboard with a suitable caption underneath.:)

semi-pro waster
11-09-2007, 02:55
I think a far better sentence than jail or community service is to have a picture of the bloke on a local billboard with a suitable caption underneath.:)

"Mind your knees flowaa when this mans aboot"?

Von Smallhausen
11-09-2007, 14:23
"Mind your knees flowaa when this mans aboot"?


Lollages.

kaiowas
12-09-2007, 10:22
before we bailed him off

Never heard it called that before

Fayshun
12-09-2007, 13:35
Never heard it called that before

It's a *special* service the Chief Constable is bringing in, all part of the new friendly face of policing.