View Full Version : Legendary tales from the office.
There are always great stories that go round the office about current and previous places of work.
One place couldn't work out why the toilet cistern kept breaking in one cubicle but not the others. They duly kept replacing it and one day maintenance were in working on the suspended ceiling and found a stash of porn mags right above that toilet. An employee had been breaking the cistern when standing on it to reach his collection. Naturally no-one ever owned up ;)
When I worked at McDonalds we weren't allowed to wear watches. The reason given to us was a manager used to wear a watch and it dropped off into one of the fryers. Without thinking, the guy put his hand in the hot fat to grab it and from then on nobody was allowed to wear a watch.
What are your stories from round the office? Note: Doesn't matter if they are completely unbelievable :D
When I worked at McDonalds we weren't allowed to wear watches. The reason given to us was a manager used to wear a watch and it dropped off into one of the fryers. Without thinking, the guy put his hand in the hot fat to grab it and from then on nobody was allowed to wear a watch.
OMG!! :shocked:
The only one I can think of at the moment is our sister company (same floor as me) recruited an administrator, and when she started she kept having various days off etc.
Then she went on holiday to Barbados and one of them got a phonecall for some reason her flight was cancelled and she wouldn't be back till the Tuesday.
So the team called up the airline who she was flying with and there were no reported delays on that day.
When she got back she was asked to bring in her ticket voucher to her meeting with HR.
pwned! She was still in 6mth probabation, so she was easily shown the door.
BB x
This is true:
Back in the days when the internet was in its infancy and BT decided to get in on the act, we had an administrator who was a bit of a bossy cow and totally guilable, so we went on her machine one day and changed her homepage from btconnect.com to I believe disney.com
She believed that BT.com had been hacked and was frantically phoning all around the offices of BT Net trying to find out who had done it and what could be done about changing it back.
Another story came from a customer at the time who complained that a domain name that had been registered by somebody was similar to his own and he wanted to take control of it. He was not a BT Connect customer, nor the "offending" domain name, why he came through to us is still a mystery.
An irate user once told me that he would rip out all his BT kit and dump it on the pavement outside. My reply was "how am I going to phone you back with a solution?" He hung up.
When I was working for 118UK, we had this old lady, lets call her Doris, used to ring up quite regularly just to talk to someone. As it was usually the quiet shifts, people didn't mind so much. We also had a gentleman in his 70s called Stan who used to do the same. I jokingly said to the team leader that he should give each other their numbers and see what happened. I would like to think they either had a romance or at least speak to each other all the time.
Back when I worked in the butcher's department of Sainsbury's there were all sorts of tales of people locking each other in the deep freeze and stuff like that. Not sure how many were true but it was all pretty much believable based on the guys that worked there!
Best one I heard was from before I worked there, the meat manager had a stinking cold and couldn't breath through his nose. He only found out about the stinking kipper in his inside jacket pocket when he got home to his thoroughly disgruntled wife.
disgruntled
Great word, I shall try and incorporate it into my vocal usage this afternoon.
Dischuffed is another of my favourites :)
Kell_ee001
24-09-2007, 15:14
Murf, Pringle, Si and I were doing a night shift for Bt Broadband. Had a lad who was 15 / 16 called Mark from Grenwich who used to call in all the time, making up error messages and alsorts for no apparent reason. We'd all chatted to him loads as it was a good excuse not to actually work! :p This one night shift we were really quiet so put him on loud-speaker so we could all chat to him. Suddenly in the background we heard what sounded like a bang on his door, and a woman shouting to hang up the phone and go to bed. Mark started shouting back in a suddenly breathless voice "just 1 more minute mummy! *pant pant* 1 MINUTE!!" :shocked: We didn't talk to him much after that :o
And you didn't think a tech desk was "exciting"! ;D
Admiral Huddy
24-09-2007, 16:54
I have too many to list!!
I guess the worst one I have is tipping wine over my (then) boss on a works social evening... Didn't go down to well. Good job really, the wine was awful!!
:D
Ohh and I broke the windows on the top floor whan I fell off my chair which went flying into the window.. and I broke the lift where 8 of us where trapped for an hour or so .. :P and.. and .. and ..
Von Smallhausen
24-09-2007, 17:03
I walked in an office to see an old sweat I used to work with and was nearing retirement giving him the V's .... shame the DCI was in with him at the time .......... bollocks !
MarcLister
24-09-2007, 20:45
and I broke the lift where 8 of us where trapped for an hour or so .. :P and.. and .. and ..Public Liability? :shocked:
Piggymon
24-09-2007, 21:02
When I used to work at nthell people would visit the conference rooms upstairs and the disabled loos and do rudies !!!
Office parties were great - the gossip afterwards was jaw dropping ;D
Not particularly interesting, but when I worked for Boots, the guy I worked with in the Minilab got caught stealing money out of the tils/counter caches. He had about £300 in his socks when they marched him off the shop floor, and it turned out that he had nicked in the region of £6000-£7000 altogether over a number of months. Got got community service. The whole department was in complete shock over it, because he was a really nice guy and we were all quite close. It was awful.
A couple of years later just after I left, two more guys I used to work with got sacked for refunding cameras back onto their own credit cards. Again, two really nice guys and a complete shock.
I guess some people just see the money as a temptation or "there for the taking" or something. I never saw it like that. It was just paper notes going into the till.
Funny you should say that because there was a girl who worked with me at Accessorize on the mobile team and we couldn't ever work out how she could afford to live in Sloane Square in Chelsea. Then one day she got sacked for stealing money out the till and refunding. Turned out she'd got away with a couple of hundred thousand over the 7 or so years she had worked there and no-one had noticed!!!
Im on the Health & Safety comittee at our place and we get all sorts of weird and wonderful stories. We have a guy at our place who is a right dirty old swine.
Rumour has it he stopped behind and typed a letter to one of his lady friends about how he fantasised about her. One of which included sniffing a tissue she had wiper herself down with after she had been to the gym and would love for her to send him one. The printer broke down just before he left and he thought his document had been lost. However the letter did print off but it was picked up by one of the team leaders. I think he got put on a final warning for that one
Well I did one yesterday that will circulate in the office for a while. The manager needed a folder for a formal ISO audit today. He wasn't bothered what it looked like, stripes, flowers, whatever, just get one.
So off I went and toddled around Farringdon, not a single sodding stationary shop in the area. The only folder in the area....
"The art of knitting" complete with a big ball of wool and knitting needles on the front (i'll try and get a pic later). They are waiting for him to come back in the office.
So he has now gone to an official external audit with this thing :D
Admiral Huddy
25-09-2007, 11:45
When I used to work at nthell people would visit the conference rooms upstairs and the disabled loos and do rudies !!!
Office parties were great - the gossip afterwards was jaw dropping ;D
Expand - I don't understand???
Where I work we used to lease a spare building to a furniture company and when we finally kicked them out and changed it offices we held a little party for our customer. There was a marquee set up (at work) with free food and drink, so feeling rather drunk I was chatting to the chairman, diamond of a bloke, and told him that a new range of pneumatic fittings he was bringing out looked like a crack pipe and told him he might be able to make some money out of crack heads by selling these fittings to them. He laughed and said he would think about it.
The best bit was that me and 2 others stayed the night in the marquee to make sure it wasn't stolen (I work in Nuneaton) 1 of the people there had brought some weed with him so we sat down, polished off the alcohol, got a bit stoned and found the unused helium tank. After inhaling half a tank of helium I couldn't speak properly for a day :D
Good Times.
There were quite a few from working in nightclubs, pubs and the local rugby club.
My favourite was when I worked in a club and it was reported to us that a couple were having a romp in a cubicle in the ladies loo. My manager was a man with a very dry sense of humour so he marched in with several bouncers, pounded on the door and demanded the lady in question came out. A very red faced lady emerged and my boss proceeded to embarrass her by fibbing and telling the crowd of women who had gathered to watch that he had to throw her out for this every week. The poor woman was betroot red.
Just as we thought it was all over the loo door flew open and out strolled a very drunk and totally naked man with a loud 'HELLO LADIES!'
I laughed til I cried.
Del Lardo
25-09-2007, 16:09
I was wrapping a couple of boxes together with cellophane that were too big for my desk so I was doing it kneeling down on the floor. The CEO wonders past, looks across and says "I do love to see a man on his knees". There was a 2 second silence as his brain caught up with his mouth and he went bright red and walked off raher quickly as we all pished ourselfs laughing.
There was a lady who worked in the canteen at work who been flirting outragously with me for a year but she was married so I never thought anything of it. At my leaving do she got steaming drunk and told me that she'd been fantasising about being spit roasted by me and her husband for a year and asked me back to their place. While flattered I refused.
MarcLister
25-09-2007, 16:25
A year? Blimey her husband has some stamina then. ;)
In my old job, does sleeping with a stewardess count as a legendary tale? Especially if every crew member of every yacht moored up ends up knowing about it? :o
Del Lardo
25-09-2007, 16:42
In my old job, does sleeping with a stewardess count as a legendary tale? Especially if every crew member of every yacht moored up ends up knowing about it? :o
Surely that's a perk of the job?
Surely that's a perk of the job?
Yeah - cos it happened ALL the time and was part and parcel of the job! :p
Del Lardo
25-09-2007, 17:04
Yeah - cos it happened ALL the time and was part and parcel of the job! :p
In my 2nd week in my current job I got a phone number off an air stewardess :evil: Not happened since* :'(
*though I did get hit on by the campest air steward ever when flying back from Italy up the pointy end with BA
LOL - yeah some air stewards took a fancy to me too :/ That's when I stopped wearing tight shirts! ;D
though I did get hit on up the pointy end by the campest air steward ever when flying back from Italy with BA
Misquoting ftw ;)
Every pilot I've met so far has, when asked, always replied with "Avoid stewardesseseseses at all costs!". Apparently they tend to have a few, erm, issues.
I have no exciting work stories, aside from the guy here who lives with 4 latex women. He was on TV and has appeared in Marie Clare (May 2006 edition, pages 131-132). Aside from that, it's pretty dull. :(
When I said stewardess it was yachts not planes btw :)
Sorry, I tend not to think of any other kind. :o
lol! I just hope you don't work for BA - sour mouthed old trouts they are. Virgin on the other hand - h-helloooo!!!
At this rate I'm going to be running around my garden making airplane noises. ;D
On full thrust in public? You've got to be careful with those flaps - especially if they aren't oiled. Just make sure your landing gear is in good shape ;)
Piggymon
25-09-2007, 18:46
Expand - I don't understand???
Shagging :p
Kitten - that's awesome ;D
Admiral Huddy
26-09-2007, 09:23
Shagging :p
That's a kind offer thankyou but not straight after breakfast :D
Hey I had this one years ago. I was working on some scheduling software which I was testing. The version we were working on was beta and was about to be sent to clients. The way I tested the software was to schedule messages. A few days later a batch of 50 or more tapes (yes tapes) were sent to clients..
The next week we were flooded with calls saying. Everyone keeps getting messages saying "If you get this, you really need to come out of the closet" and " Scum 1: Spurs 3".
Guess who forgot to clear the files down before hand. :D
I was made redundant about a month later!
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