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View Full Version : Classic one liners :D

Admiral Huddy
30-11-2007, 12:18
They say that the classic one liners are dying.

Bob Monkhouse was the king of one liners and one I read in the paper the other day:

"When I told them I was a comedian, they all laughed"


Another was "Those who believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!

:)
Pheebs
30-11-2007, 12:30
It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her.
So I said "Alright then fatty"

Jimmy Carr - sheer Genius ;D
Justsomebloke
30-11-2007, 13:06
Rodney Marsh.
Childbirth can't be that painful !!!
I mean it can't be no more painful than breaking your leg at football can it !!!



*He said it Not me* ;)
Pumpkinstew
30-11-2007, 16:41
Sex always beats logic, but I can't prove it.

I got a new car for my mother-in-law, which was a fine piece of negotiation on my part.
MarcLister
30-11-2007, 16:57
It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her.
So I said "Alright then fatty"

Jimmy Carr - sheer Genius ;DJimmy Carr is fb. ;D

Saw him at the Manchester Apollo. He brought the house down. (Not literally!)
petemc
30-11-2007, 18:44
Patient: "I'm getting a little tired of the sexual innuendo",

The Todd: (thinks deeply for a few seconds) (smiles and nods) "In-your-endo"

:D
Fayshun
30-11-2007, 19:40
*hi fives*

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

:angry: I don't even like cake.


:p

Someone mention cake?
Kell_ee001
30-11-2007, 20:23
I heard cake :D

"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them" :)
Roberta
30-11-2007, 20:36
Jeremy Beadle has a huge penis, but on the other hand it's rather small.
leowyatt
30-11-2007, 21:02
Jeremy Beadle has a huge penis, but on the other hand it's rather small.

Actually I've heard that one differently.

Jeremy Beadle has a small penis but in the other hand it's massive :p
Justsomebloke
30-11-2007, 21:38
One in Kate Bush is worth two in the hand :D
Snuggle Ferret
03-12-2007, 00:17
He's a recreational user! He was using cocaine - not playing subbuteo
Belmit
03-12-2007, 10:17
The Groucho Marx ones are my favourites. Some random ones here:

http://www.funthingies.com/quotes.php?QuoteFile=groucho-marx

'Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.' :D