PDA

View Full Version : Pregnancy... and stuff!


Pheebs
14-04-2008, 17:01
Now before you think I'm up the duff I'm not!! ;)

The other night I had a dream I was preggers and had a baby. During the birth the baby was so big it tore me in two and because of that, there were two of me. Due to there being two of me Picky left me because one of me was quite enough!

So it got me thinking about pregnancy and tbh... it sounds and looks HORRIBLE!

Pickys sister and my sister are currently both preggers. They haven't got that long to go but my oh my that's a good thing because they're HUUUUGE! HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!

Every time I think about it I just think how on EARTH is that bump-which-is-the-size-of-a-house going to get out of the foofage?! HOW?! HOOOOOW!?!

And then... THEN... the words "tearing" spring to mind. I mean... "tearing".... Dear lord. If I get preggers and am able to have a foof baby and not a sun roof one I will be petrified of my foof and bum hole becoming one! Seriously! Tearing!? How do they sort that out?! It's like sponge down there... you can't sew up sponge can you?

*cringes at the thought of a foof being sewn*

It's just... the foof... it's... so so smaaalll... and the baby... it's so so so huuuge! I've had poo's I thought "christ that hurt hellishly" and had me a bit teary in the face and the Mr Hanky produced is not even CLOSE to being the size of a baby!

And that's just the end of it! Morning/whenever-your-body-wants-to-make-you-feel-skank sickness sounds horrendous! I know some people don't get it but by christ those who do I feel so terrible for!

And then! You get HUGE. As in hOOoOUuOUuOHMOnGOUS. You're like a big waddle walrus that needs to pee every 30 minutes! Plodding about in clothing-that-generally-isn't-comfy and getting knackered uber quick is not my idea of fun.

I know some people say plus points you get to eat lots... but you're not allowed to eat so many things! Cream, cheese, fishy things! How sucky! I love prawns and soft cheeses! Okay okay, not the end of the world and thinking about it I don't eat much of that kind of thing as it's expensive... so yeh. Nom nom nom nom you go but then... all of a sudden.... KABOOOOM. You're a whale. After years of healthy eating, dieting, exercising etc and WHAM You're the size of Gibraltar. Your legs swell, your arms and hands and feet get chubby, your neck sloowly disappears into the realms of a growing chin and DOOSH. You've piled on the pounds. After a new born, albeit running around looking after the little bubba surely counts as exercise... I should imagine it's all quite knackering and the time you have (and patience/will power) to exercise/diet/eat healthy should just diminish in seconds I would imagine.

It's just never ending for us girlies! A battle of trying-not-to-be-fat. Pregnancy just makes it all worse! We make ourselves pwetty and thin (or at least we try to) only to get knocked up and end up a chubbalubba in next to no time!

AND THEN! THHHEEEEEEEEEN... to top it all off you can't drink! For 9 months. No alcomahol.



Please someone convince me otherwise. Convince me giving birth is like eating cake on a beach. Pleeeaase. Before I completely scare myself silly and superglue my foof shut forever.

*hopes no one here is newly preggers - I don't mean to scare people - I think it's my own insecurities* :)

BBx
14-04-2008, 17:05
Don't you have pregnancy dreams alot?

I never have :(

BB x

Feek
14-04-2008, 17:05
Congratulations, is there something you're avoiding telling us? ;)

Pebs
14-04-2008, 17:05
HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd love to put you right, but....nope....you've just about nailed it ;)

goldilocks
14-04-2008, 17:06
i like babies, but i couldn't eat a whole one :eek:
i don't think i'll be having a little one of my own, not for 'your' reasons, but yeah, it all sounds pretty yucky!
i was a sunroof baby - personally i think those are the way to go!

Tak
14-04-2008, 17:06
;D I love you Pheebles ;D

Feek
14-04-2008, 17:07
By the way, am I the only one who reads Pheeeeebs posts in the same sort of voice that Miranda Richardson used for the Queen in Blackadder 2? ;D

vix
14-04-2008, 17:11
I had a couple of dreams that I was pregnant but it turned out I actually was! Watch out Pheebs!!!

One of them I was giving birth and actually woke up laying on my back, knees in the air etc!! nice!!

Blackstar
14-04-2008, 17:12
There is plenty of stretch in a foof more than enough for a baby. Poos hurt because there isn't a lot of elasticity in your bum. Don't worry so much, if it was so terribly horrible so many people wouldn't do it, some people do it more than once. (This is how i persuade myself of things)
My mum had such bad fluid retention with me that her feet swelled from a size 4 to a 6! She still went on to have my little sister.

vix
14-04-2008, 17:15
People do it more than once because your body releases a hormone after birth that makes you forget how awful it is. Otherwise they wouldn't do it again!

Blackstar
14-04-2008, 17:17
People do it more than once because your body releases a hormone after birth that makes you forget how awful it is. Otherwise they wouldn't do it again!
:shocked::( Well that is me never having children then, i'd talked myself into believing it could be THAT awful if people did it more than once.

Pheebs
14-04-2008, 17:19
mei mei - Only had two I think!

I had a couple of dreams that I was pregnant but it turned out I actually was! Watch out Pheebs!!!

One of them I was giving birth and actually woke up laying on my back, knees in the air etc!! nice!!

I am not preggers! I don't think!

I had a dream like yours ages ago and was giving birth and kept thinking "OH GOD IT'S COMING *puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuush* IT'S COMING *pussshhhh* Oh oh oh oh oh OWOW OWWWWWWWWWWWW OW.... IT HURTS (it actually did too)*PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH* OWO WOWOWOWOW" ... and I woke up, legs in the air, pushing like mad... only to suddenly realise I had a VERY poorly stomach which was killing and if I were to push even the slightest bit more I would have an accident. *cue me running to the bathroom*

Was so bad.

I know foofs are stretchy... but like... it can hurt... like... things going up there.... and they're not the size of a baby!!

*worries*

I've been thinking about this all afternoon weeding. Great fun!

Matblack
14-04-2008, 17:20
I would like children, I think I'll stop Aitch's account accessing this thread shes scared enough about the idea as it is

MB

Pebs
14-04-2008, 17:23
Your foof will stretch to being 10 cms across, then the midwives will say 'PUUUUUUUUUUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!' and you will think to yourself there is NO WAY IN HELL that thing is coming out and you'll have a panic for a few seconds and then KAPOW! Its out! And your belly is like a half deflated bouncy castle and your boobs will be magnificent and you'll be left with this little scrap of a thing that you'll love so much it hurts and within 1 week you'll forget what life was like before you had it. And no matter how much you try to fold it up or roll it in a ball, you'll never ever understand how THAT thing came out of YOUR foof!!

Pheebs
14-04-2008, 17:24
I would like children, I think I'll stop Aitch's account accessing this thread shes scared enough about the idea as it is

MB

Oh don't get me wrong I would LOVE children when I am older... LOVE LOVE LOVE. I HEART kiddies so so so much, they're superbs! To have mini pickers and pheebs running around would be hilarious!

But yeh... the process of the whole pregnancy palava is just... so **** scarey! :'(

If only you could just get super SUPER pished before giving birth, that would make things so much better!

Pheebs
14-04-2008, 17:27
And no matter how much you try to fold it up or roll it in a ball, you'll never ever understand how THAT thing came out of YOUR foof!!

You fold up your kiddies/roll them up? :huh:


;)

vix
14-04-2008, 17:29
To have mini pickers and pheebs running around would be hilarious!


Ohh yes it would :)

Kell_ee001
14-04-2008, 17:31
I want to cry but I don't know if it's laughter with Pheebs or upset with Pebbles! ;D

Pebs
14-04-2008, 17:40
You fold up your kiddies/roll them up? :huh:


Purely in the interests of scientific research you understand. Babies are totally bendy! :D

Mondo
14-04-2008, 19:26
What they don't tell you is that its very likely that you'll crap too in labour and you might need stitches from the tear.

Dymetrie
14-04-2008, 19:32
What they don't tell you is that its very likely that you'll crap too in labour and you might need stitches from the tear.

^^ over 30 stitches my mum had. Is it any wonder I have a one way traffic rule?? ;D

I only found out about the pooing very, very recently. Didn't help.

Something makes me think you two are trying to make Pheebs wibble even more!

:p

Dymetrie
14-04-2008, 19:36
:lipsrsealed:

;)

*sniggers*

I'm another 'no children' person... Not because I fear pregnancy (well, I don't have the right parts :p), but could you imagine smaller versions of me?

*shudders*

*goes for a lie down*

Lomster
14-04-2008, 19:37
People do it more than once because your body releases a hormone after birth that makes you forget how awful it is. Otherwise they wouldn't do it again!

I've never heard of there being a hormone that does that :/
I can remember exactly how painful it was buuuuuuut you look at your baby and put it to the back of your mind.
Even when you are suffering really bad from after pains you just look at baby and breathe through the pain and think its worth it.

As you all know Isabella was huuuuuuuuuuge at 11lbs12&1/2ozs and i didn't tear :o
I was so scared my foof was a bucket but midwife explained that as i am so young and done it for the 3rd time i was really stretchy.

Was really worried foof would be a bucket after but everything is back to normal. (relief is an understatement)

I wouldn't have a sunroof baby unless it has to be done for medical reasons.
I was so scared when i was told i had to have one with Isabella and then when i got to hospital after the doctors scrubbed up and about to take me to theatre, Isabella decided she didn't want to come out that way and so i was 7cm dilated and wasn't gonna wait. lol.

Feek
14-04-2008, 19:53
Your foof will stretch to being 10 cms across

I've often wondered about this, why is it such a nice round figure - 10cm? Not 10.5, or 11cm, but an exact 10cm. Who made the decision that at 10cm, your foof is sorted? Someone must have sat down with a ruler and said "right, 10cm. foof diameter"

Or perhaps the centimetre was determined by foof expansion? A bloke with a ruler measured a foof at birth time and said "right, that's it. We're using that as a standard measurement, only it's a bit big so we'll call it ten of them instead. We can't call it ten foofs so we'll multiply it by ten and call it a metre, divide that down and work the foof to be ten centimetres.

Or maybe it's just luck.

vix
14-04-2008, 19:56
I've never heard of there being a hormone that does that :/


A midwife told me. I figured it must be true. Plus it explains why people do it again.

Knipples
14-04-2008, 19:59
I keep reading this thread and every time I see the word foof, I just start giggling like a big kid!
;D
(just giggled typing it too!)

Kell_ee001
14-04-2008, 20:05
Oh! I think they put that in chocolate cake too!! :D

Piggymon
14-04-2008, 20:17
I want kids but the thought of pregnancy and childbirth scares me silly !!!

I've had a few pregnancy dreams but none involving being split in half ;D

I can just see it now, I'll get my body all superfit and superlean and then end up sodding pregnant :rolleyes:

Fayshun
14-04-2008, 20:40
Was really worried foof would be a bucket after but everything is back to normal. (relief is an understatement)

Echoes this sentiment. :D

Oh! I think they put that in chocolate cake too!! :D

Mmmmmm cake!

Pebs
14-04-2008, 22:19
Would this be a good moment to mention I had 3 layers of stitches with Sophie? Muscle, the works! I had to have a specialist surgeon put me back together after she got hoovered out!

No? Ok, wont then ;)

Piggymon
14-04-2008, 22:22
Would this be a good moment to mention I had 3 layers of stitches with Sophie? Muscle, the works! I had to have a specialist surgeon put me back together after she got hoovered out!

No? Ok, wont then ;)

*wimpers* :confused:

Kell_ee001
14-04-2008, 22:24
:'(

Pebs
14-04-2008, 22:29
LOL! Hey, I'd had an epidural, I didn't feel a thing, and 'cause a surgeon did it I had absolutely no problems, I could walk, sit and everything else no worries from day 1 :D

Having babies is what you're made for if you're a girlie. Yes it's scarey (but only because you dont know what to expect), yes it's sore, but your body will just take care of business and before you know it it's all over and you've got the best thing that'll ever ever happen to you in your arms :D

Kell_ee001
14-04-2008, 22:35
Too little too late Pebs ;D

Pebs
14-04-2008, 22:39
LOL! Yeah, oh well, I tried ;)

Kell_ee001
14-04-2008, 22:50
To be honest the idea of giving birth terrifies me, but it's not something I think about - it's just something I'll deal with when the time comes :)

Pebs
14-04-2008, 22:54
Don't you bloody start ;)

If you dont want them you dont want them, Im trying to convert anyone. All Im saying is to those that are scared of it, dont be :)

PvtPyle
14-04-2008, 22:58
A midwife told me. I figured it must be true. Plus it explains why people do it again.

I heard recently that the hormone thing is true. Apparently the vast majority of women remember "a pain", but unlike breaking something, or having a particularly bad migraine even, your body does basically "forget" what it was like due to chemicals in your brain.

Pebs
14-04-2008, 23:02
I heard recently that the hormone thing is true. Apparently the vast majority of women remember "a pain", but unlike breaking something, or having a particularly bad migraine even, your body does basically "forget" what it was like due to chemicals in your brain.

Shenannigans, I can assure you!

PvtPyle
14-04-2008, 23:12
So they've been lying to me all along... Some kind of dastardly plot!

I am SO happy I am a man.

Chuckles
14-04-2008, 23:32
I can't understand this kinda stuff. I've seen videos of childbirth and its nasty, yet you get blokes coming out in tears saying how it's the most beautiful thing they've ever seen.

Not for me. I'll be pacing the wards with a cigar making small talk with the other chaps.

Pebs
14-04-2008, 23:36
Not for me. I'll be pacing the wards with a cigar making small talk with the other chaps.

Pffff!! Real men get down the business end and tell their women how beautiful they are!!! :D:D

Chuckles
14-04-2008, 23:39
Pffff!! Real men get down the business end and tell their women how beautiful they are!!! :D:D

Good god no.

This is how it happens in my mind

http://www.ninapaley.com/images/storkmulti460.jpg

Pebs
14-04-2008, 23:42
Good god no.

This is how it happens in my mind

http://www.ninapaley.com/images/storkmulti460.jpg

You're still a virgin arent you. :evil:

Chuckles
14-04-2008, 23:47
You're still a virgin arent you. :evil:

I know you wanted me to dress up like a naughty schoolboy and threaten me with your trunchen, but these fantasies are best left to MSN.

Pebs
15-04-2008, 00:00
LOL!

Rich_L
15-04-2008, 00:06
Can't be that bad, everyone knows that getting kicked in the nuts is worse



:p *runs*

Lomster
15-04-2008, 01:36
lol this thread is making me cry (of laughter of course) :D

I was soooooo scared when i was pregnant with Josh and wasn't scared with Georgie but was scared with Isabella buuuuut everything was fine.
Tearing hurts i tore with Josh but it doesn't last forever and i bet the labour is not as painful as what poor Burble's been through.

sunroof babies are far worse i think and a few of my friends who have had one say the same.

Lomster
15-04-2008, 01:39
Echoes this sentiment. :D


Hmmm i see what you did there :p no echoes there lol

LeperousDust
15-04-2008, 01:52
Quick its only got a day left on iPlayer, Dawn... gets a baby (http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/page/item/b0091xhd.shtml?q=dawn&start=1&scope=iplayersearch&go=Find+Programmes&version_pid=b0091xfh), i started watching it bored and unable to sleep one night got to the first birth video and thought sleeping was a MUCH better idea :) Its bad i know, but definately rather you than me :(

Roberta
15-04-2008, 08:57
F*ck the childbirth, it's the 20 years afterwards that's the painful bit.

Davey_Pitch
15-04-2008, 09:41
before you know it it's all over and you've got the best thing that'll ever ever happen to you in your arms :D

Cake and some ice cream?

Lomster
15-04-2008, 10:03
F*ck the childbirth, it's the 20 years afterwards that's the painful bit.

20 years? my bro is 31 this year and is a complete pain in the arse lol

That Dawn gets a baby was good.

Fayshun
15-04-2008, 11:22
Pffff!! Real men get down the business end and tell their women how beautiful they are!!! :D:D

With Josh, I stayed up the head end, trying to get the gas and air off Janet. She also nearly broke my thumb squeezing my hand.

With Georgie, I moved nearer the business end and had a little look. Managed to get a bit more of the gas and air this time. Janet nearly broke my thumb squeezing my hand.

With Ella, the midwife said "The head's crowning"
I looked "OH MY GOD IT'S A F******G HEAD COMIN OUT YOUR FOOF!!!!!!" I managed to score loads of gas and air. Janet nearly broke my thumb squeezing my hand.

Pheebs
15-04-2008, 11:36
I know about the whole pooing thing too :(

Surely, if you're squeezing and things and then relaxing, mightn't the poo/whatever else is around (ie doctors hands and things) get sucked up your foof when you stop the squeezing? Like a ketchup bottle. You squeeze, and if you release near a mound of ketchup *SCHUMP* it gets sucked back up the ketchup bottle.

:(

I don't want poo up my foof.

:(

I will have baby bubbas one day but my oh my. Am I gonna need some mental support!

LeperousDust
15-04-2008, 12:00
Have you watched that link pheebs? :D

PvtPyle
15-04-2008, 12:06
Am I the only person who contorts a little every time someone uses the word "tear" in this thread?

*shudder*

Pebs
15-04-2008, 12:13
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip! :D

Fayshun
15-04-2008, 12:16
Surely, if you're squeezing and things and then relaxing, mightn't the poo/whatever else is around (ie doctors hands and things) get sucked up your foof when you stop the squeezing? Like a ketchup bottle. You squeeze, and if you release near a mound of ketchup *SCHUMP* it gets sucked back up the ketchup bottle.


Foofs seem to have those little rubber valve things up them like "Top-Down" squeezy bottles. I certainly didn't see any *SCHUMP*-age, and Lom never complained of it.

Pheebs
15-04-2008, 12:17
I have seen one too many giving birth vids... but what the hey I'll give it a go...

bbiab

Chuckles
15-04-2008, 12:49
I just don't see the fascination with wanting to watch it all. You wouldn't stop and watch the aftermath of a car crash would you?

Dee
15-04-2008, 12:54
I am cacking my pants. I dont want kids. Ever.

Chuckles
15-04-2008, 12:56
I am cacking my pants.

One of the effects of childbirth I believe.

Matblack
15-04-2008, 13:00
I am cacking my pants. I dont want kids. Ever.

Shame, Daz is 2nd best potential father in my friendship group according to Facebook, not sure who's first though :huh:

MB

Dee
15-04-2008, 13:11
Haha, really? ;D He wants them less than I do :D

Matblack
15-04-2008, 13:13
Haha, really? ;D He wants them less than I do :D

I'm writing to Facebook :angry:

He'll be threatening me for first place for something he's not even interested in :(, its the only thing I'm first it too :(

MB

Dee
15-04-2008, 13:14
How did FB even make that assumption? :p

Pheebs
15-04-2008, 13:24
SCISSORS????!???!

WHEN DID SCISSORS COME INTO THE EQUATION!?!?

Oh and I forgot about piles. Though I know all about that. Stoopid-idiot-me-for-eatin-skanky-gone-off-fish. Thing is this will mean I will DEFFO get piles (and baaaaaad too). Boo.

*shudders*

Scissors.... and cutting your foof open more to help the birth (albeit rare it happens). That is SO SO wrong, even if your foof is numbed before hand.

*shudders*

Pool births ftw though... Period pain + Hot Bath = Heaven.


Well all in all it wasn't a bad documentary. Some of that scared me more. Some of it made me feel better about it. Certainly not the worst births I have seen filmed though. Compulsive viewing (of which I think I had the look of sheer horror on my face during 90% of it).

When, eventually, Picky and I do decide to have a baby bubba I will no doubt document everything on a blog. It's exciting but my christ.

Us women, we ROCK! Men produce liquidy teeny tadpoles. We, however, produce a miniature human being WHICH we carry around for yonks and then squeeze out our foofs which then repair themselves after.

Plus, we have boobs (proper ones, man boobs don't count)

Women FTW.

Blackstar
15-04-2008, 13:28
That video is brilliant in a strange way, i'm glad i watched it anyhoo :)

Roberta
15-04-2008, 13:38
Just as a side note I got cut and then tore with my first son and his rugby player shoulders and I can assure you I never felt a thing. I found the actual birth fine I just wasn't very fond of the 9 hours or so leading up to it. At least you get to play an active part in the pushing bit so you're too busy to notice anything.

I would rather eat my own uterus than go through it again though. Kittens over kids any day. Bloody glad Paul doesn't want kids.

Matblack
15-04-2008, 13:44
The way this is going I think I'm going to have to steal one or http://www.adoption.org.uk/information/default.html

MB

Roberta
15-04-2008, 13:45
I advocate getting a fluffy animal instead.

Matblack
15-04-2008, 13:46
I advocate getting a fluffy animal instead.

Will is too old to be adopted

MB

Roberta
15-04-2008, 13:47
But he's so cute when you tickle him behind his ears!

Matblack
15-04-2008, 13:48
But he's so cute when you tickle him behind his ears!

What about the shedding and the house training though and the leg humping! :shocked:

MB

Roberta
15-04-2008, 14:01
Ok, I've thought of an alternative. I have 3 ready made children here, let's have your bids.

LOT 1

Older model, around 15 years. Partly self- maintaining, totally self-centered. Often over heats and prone to loud bangs when this happens. Self-cleaning once 'Lynx' is available. High intake of Bachelors Supernoodles needed for upkeep.

LOT 2

Pink version of LOT 1. Was in superb working order until it hit the 11 year mark. Has been a downturn in efficiency and a steep climb in chat back since then. Manners also appear to have disappeared at this point. May blow up at any time, particularly when placed near LOT 1.

LOT 3

Unusual model, not many made. Highly inquisitive and vocal. Entertains well. Totally unpredictable. Sturdy robust model. Special punk/emo edition, colour: black. Roughly 10 years. Due to go downhill rapidly in the next few years so get it quickly and enjoy it while you can.

Any bids?

Lomster
15-04-2008, 14:13
Ouch laughing so much it hurts ;D

Pheebs poo doesn't get sucked up into your foof don't worry.

Georgie pooped all over me as she came out and it was the biggest relief as Josh couldn't poo cos of having hirchsprungs disease.

Pregnancy is bloody hard work especially when its causing lots of hurting and feeling sick etc...
Giving birth is the best experience even though it bloody hurts.
I'm a whimp with pain yet I've done it 3 times so it can't be that bad lol

Lomster
15-04-2008, 14:15
Ok, I've thought of an alternative. I have 3 ready made children here, let's have your bids.

LOT 1

Older model, around 15 years. Partly self- maintaining, totally self-centered. Often over heats and prone to loud bangs when this happens. Self-cleaning once 'Lynx' is available. High intake of Bachelors Supernoodles needed for upkeep.

LOT 2

Pink version of LOT 1. Was in superb working order until it hit the 11 year mark. Has been a downturn in efficiency and a steep climb in chat back since then. Manners also appear to have disappeared at this point. May blow up at any time, particularly when placed near LOT 1.

LOT 3

Unusual model, not many made. Highly inquisitive and vocal. Entertains well. Totally unpredictable. Sturdy robust model. Special punk/emo edition, colour: black. Roughly 10 years. Due to go downhill rapidly in the next few years so get it quickly and enjoy it while you can.

Any bids?

ROFL p[lease stop it hurts ouchy ;D

Fayshun
15-04-2008, 14:29
ROFL p[lease stop it hurts ouchy ;D
Do the descriptions for ours!

Lomster
15-04-2008, 14:49
Do the descriptions for ours!

I can't, I can't stop laughing ;D

I can't compete with Roberta's that was quality :D

Lomster
15-04-2008, 15:02
Ok so here is Fay and my kids up for bids.

Model 1. 4 year old male. Answers to the names of Joshie monster.
almost house trained (can get beer out of fridge) full of cheek and back chat.
Ignores all comands and carries on doing what he likes.
Favourite colour is pink and likes disney princess stuff.
Complete drama queen and loves to be centre of attention and make people laugh at his jokes and songs.

Model 2. 2yr old female. answers to the name of Georgie or minxy.
Gives people the idea that butter wouldn't melt. Clever madam who will wrap you round her lil finger. She gives you a very cute, cheeky smile when you are telling her off.
Likes cleaning and being a domestic goddess although this will change within a year i am sure.
Be aware of tantrums she bites.

Model 3. almost 7months female answers to the names of Ella Bella.
Noisy happy model full of cheekyness and giggles.
Prone to farting lots and burping.
Not at all house trained and gets quite messy at times.
Has two teeth and is prone to biting your fingers off.
sleeps through night as long as you don't feed her after midnight.

Dee
15-04-2008, 15:46
Model 1. 4 year old male.

Favourite colour is pink and likes disney princess stuff.

Complete drama queen

Do you have a heterosexual model in stock Lom? ;) My god, he sounds like Daz :D

Roberta
15-04-2008, 15:49
No takers? Bugger. Knew I'd be stuck with them.

Lomster
15-04-2008, 15:52
Do you have a heterosexual model in stock Lom? ;) My god, he sounds like Daz :D

ROFL oh god I gotta stop reading this before i give myself a hernia ;D

Fayshun
15-04-2008, 15:52
Or alternatively,

1) Male, size "Large" 4 y.o. Has been well house trained by father, i.e. can get beer from the fridge. Eats for England, will happily demand food after a meal if someone else is eating. Hates to miss out. Good at gaming, will sit quietly for *hours* playing DS/Wii/Xbox360, has problems when faced with the CBeebies website - asks for help constantly. After quiet periods is prone to outbursts of madness, will bounce off walls, run like Roger Bannister and go temporarily deaf to pleas to calm down/chill out/stop p*ssing about. Sleeps like a teenager, goes to bed late and gets up later. Has a mean right hook and is known to wake daddy up when he's asleep on the sofa by smacking him in the face. Blames all wrong-doing on big-little sister.

2) Female, size "Small" 2 y.o. Not as well house trained, i.e. doesn't know the difference between beer and youghurt although father is currently working on this. Likes pushing dolls in her pram, usually when the floor is knee deep in other toys and will complain bitterly when she gets stuck. Innocent looking but has a devilish streak a mile wide. When in contact with subject number 1, both undergo a transformation into something that resembles Taz out the cartoons in full "whirlwind" mode. Complete with fart and raspberry sounds.

3) Female size "Large" 0.5 y.o. Smiles and dribbles a lot, has recently started to make more sense than her father. Completely useless at fetching beer from the fridge, doesn't even know where the fridge is. Wriggles a lot, getting her changed is like trying to get an octopus into a string shopping bag. Smile has become more dangerous now she has 2 razor sharp teeth. Farts and burps impressively.

Lomster
15-04-2008, 15:57
Ouch i can't stop laughing and i have loads of tears running down my face omg it hurts.

Lomster
15-04-2008, 16:02
Or alternatively,

1) Male, size "Large" 4 y.o. Has been well house trained by father, i.e. can get beer from the fridge. Eats for England, will happily demand food after a meal if someone else is eating. Hates to miss out. Good at gaming, will sit quietly for *hours* playing DS/Wii/Xbox360, has problems when faced with the CBeebies website - asks for help constantly. After quiet periods is prone to outbursts of madness, will bounce off walls, run like Roger Bannister and go temporarily deaf to pleas to calm down/chill out/stop p*ssing about. Sleeps like a teenager, goes to bed late and gets up later. Has a mean right hook and is known to wake daddy up when he's asleep on the sofa by smacking him in the face. Blames all wrong-doing on big-little sister.



You forgot to add that he's obsessed with boobies and shouts boobies when he walks past bras in shops.

vix
15-04-2008, 18:08
I'll have lot 1 Dawn. I'd love a pet teenager :)

Tak
15-04-2008, 20:30
sleeps through night as long as you don't feed her after midnight.

MOGWAI!!! :D :D :D

Roberta
15-04-2008, 21:33
I'll have lot 1 Dawn. I'd love a pet teenager :)

Sold!

No returns!

vix
15-04-2008, 22:09
Excellent. Ship it over ;)

Hope it likes cars :D

Justsomebloke
15-04-2008, 22:10
I'd like a family again :)
I don't mind the Missus knocking one of ours out but I'd like a ready made family like before :cool:
My daughters mum had 2 kids when i first got with her & it was Top, This time I'd like More, It's nice to have one of your own thrown in the mix Because that gives you a direct blood link to all members, As in you are the father of there Brother/Sister giving a permanent link to them all :cool:
Only trouble with me though is I couldn't go through losing another family so I am Uber careful. I have to Honestly say though that I'd jump at the chance of being the Father to a big monster family of kids that Bounce of the walls 23 hours a day as I really Miss fooling around with the kids. I think it's just Not right that i haven't got half a dozen kids following me around :( I can imagine it & to be honest i often do, A couple of little lads spannering with me & attached to my sides & a couple of cheeky but Gorgeous girlys that won't sit anywhere but on my knee :cool: Then I'd have my Quiet studios girl who seems distant but is just thoughtful & deep, About twice a week she would need to be with me just sitting chatting & being girly. Any others would fit in as would anybody else that wanted to :)

This post makes me Happy but also makes me Sad :huh:
O well it's written here you go.

Kell_ee001
15-04-2008, 22:15
;D ;D ;D @ the eBay posts

And by the way MB, you're above Daz on my FB "Who would make a better father" and second to only Kevin Smith :D

Lomster
16-04-2008, 00:18
MOGWAI!!! :D :D :D

Wondered how long it'd take for someone to notice that :D

Fayshun
17-04-2008, 23:56
Is this Fay or Joshie? I thought Fay might have grown out of that by now ;D
Unfortunately not :o

_dogma_
18-04-2008, 00:45
I've not laughed this much in so so long ;D

Foof is a totally fantastic word!! ;D

I have the FEAR too some days then others I think "I need a baby now!!!!" :o

I have quite a lot of preganancy dreams. I had one a few nights ago where I gave birth and the baby turned into lots of rats and people were calling me a bad mother?!? :confused:

I've also had the one were I've been giving birth, which is pretty embarassing when you've fallen asleep on someone's couch.... :o :(