View Full Version : Poo :(
I've not been able to do a poo for two days.
That is all.
Justsomebloke
07-05-2008, 11:24
Mix yourself a fresh salad made from the finest ingredients.
Smother it in Olive oil & I mean Smother it.
Eat, Num num num num num.
Wait all the while knowing shortly you will be ****ting for England.
JD.
Ah my kinda thread ;)
Hope you're keeping an eye on movements though Feekles :)
Prunes, dried apricots, raisins, good strong coffee, muesli, bran etc. Think brown :)
Drink a couple of litres of orange juice (not squash). You won't be able to hold it in.
I know this because last year during some hot weather I decided lots of OJ was a good way to keep my hydration up. Which it was, until it all came out the arse end very shortly after.
Couple of bowls of branflakes, an apple and a strong black coffee.
You'll soon be launching a brown submarine.
Flibster
07-05-2008, 12:05
Or - go to Heathrow and get someone to phone in saying you're trying to smuggle drugs.
They'll soon have someone there with a rubber glove and a spoon to 'search'
12 Weetabix set me off once. Wasn't a pretty sight :D
Get some carrots and celery and eat them raw with hummous. Raw veggies are great for fiber content.
And prune juice works very well, apparantly they use it in hospitals for extreme cases.
Or find some mints/chewing gum that use sorbitol as a sweetener. Snaffle as many as you can and it'll be like shoes falling out of a loft hatch.
Oh Feek :( Has our GD really come to this? I thought we were better than that ;)
LeperousDust
07-05-2008, 12:58
Sounds serious from what i've gleamed you're a clockwork regular.... :p
FakeSnake
07-05-2008, 14:18
Oh Feek :( Has our GD really come to this? I thought we were better than that ;)
no, perhaps you thought you were better :D:D
Feeks Poo, is of National Importance. The regional water company AND the Environment Agency must be informed of this.
/silly
In all seriousness, does not sound like a binding issue, so bran and fibre based products will not help.
Try the salad and olive oil.
otherwise, a laxative from the chemist?
Does anyone else find that bran does not bind them up, rather it has the opposite effect and semi-liquifies something that would otherwise be solid?
I made the mistake of eating nuts and dried fruit for breakfast for a bit when I was trying to be healthy. I liken the results to hot gravy with broken glass, shredding the inside of a delicate soft tube. Eeeee it was hell I tell you.
I am sure laxatives would work, but from my humble knowledge I would have to say that trying a natural remedy like eating extra fiber would be better than something like an oil or a laxative (even the ones that are made of natural fiber).
They may fix the problem for the time being but they may set you up for more problems afterwards. It may work today, but it might mean the same thing happens tomorrow.
My mom is a nurse and she said she always tried prune juice first. It tastes nasty but the stuff works.
I poo every day almost exactly at the same time too! :shocked: Talk about being regular!
Then again I eat a lot. Secondly, I eat a lot of natural fiber and lots of fruit and veggies (one thing Feek is allergic to ;)).
I didn't crap when I was in hospital due to the morphine. Four days! I can understand your frustration Feek.
You'll be sore for days after you manage to do it though! :angry: :shocked: :'(
You'll be sore for days after you manage to do it though! :angry: :shocked: :'(
eek i hope not. Thats one bonus for doing things more naturally... shouldn't be quite so bad.
You'll be sore for days after you manage to do it though! :angry: :shocked: :'(
If I was, I didn't notice. I think the broken leg was occupying my thoughts.
If I was, I didn't notice. I think the broken leg was occupying my thoughts.
Gosh, imagine that!;):p
I know! What a surprise ;)
If I was, I didn't notice. I think the broken leg was occupying my thoughts.
I was about to say something only suitable for Paul-Will humour.... So I better not! :evil:
I had this problem recently it was awful :(
Do you feel like you need to go and can't or is it an observation?
I was in Boots to find a cure for my problem, I also asked for Epsom Salts (needed for other purposes) so obviously the assistant yelled to his mate 'over with the laxatives' :o
I had no idea that you could drink an Epsom Salt solution and that would cure constipation!!! It was written all over the box!!!!
So I went to the counter with my big box of Epsom salts and laxatives... I looked like I had a right problem!!! lol! ;D
BB x
Have you pooed yet Feeky?
Hope so!
By the way this is going you might eventually end up with two poop holes! And then you'd have no problems at all!
;D
By the way this is going you might eventually end up with two poop holes! And then you'd have no problems at all!
;D
I think thats an even bigger problem:D
I've still not done anything. The urge is there but when I try, nothing happens except excessive wind, which makes me giggle.
Chuckles
07-05-2008, 19:35
I suggest a hot curry and 8 pints of beer.
How's the Bum?
Just before brushing my teeth last night I exclaimed "I hope Feeks pooed and he's alright" :)
Everytime I go to the bathroom now (be it for a tissue or to wash hands or teeth) I think "Feeky feeky feeky poooooo's!"
:D
I've been now, it happened when I got to work this morning and it was monumental. Luckily I managed to get to trap two in time. I suspect that particular trap may be closed for the rest of the day and there are warnings being given out on BBC Essex to avoid the area.
There was a warning to boats on the Shipping Forecast this morning...
vBulletin® v3.7.4, Copyright ©2000-2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.