View Full Version : Help! Man trouble...
Knipples
18-05-2008, 18:40
Ok so I have been happily single for over a year now. Wouldnt have minded if someone had come along but no one did so that was fine.
Went to a school reunion 3 weeks ago and chatted to one of the blokes who was in my year, had a nice chat, thought he was still pretty hot, and thought that would be that.
He joined facebook (no this isnt a facebook rant) and I added him. Got chatting and it developed into a bit of flirting at which point he asked if id like to meet up for a drink.
We went out for a few drinks and ended up having a meal together - more flirting - he dropped me home, peck on the cheek and that was that.
We spoke via facebook in the week and I asked if he wanted to do something this weekend. He lives about 20 miles away and I was finishing work early on Friday so I went down to where he lives, and we went out for a wander on our own, and then out for dinner with some of his mates. Had a snog in between going out on our own and then with his mates, and then he was quite touchy feely and attentive the rest of the evening til I went home about half 11 that night.
I spoke to him briefly yesterday morning but then he was going out with his mates (hes in the army and is home on a months leave - half way through it now) Ive heard nothing since. I sent him a message on Facebook this morning to say hello and that I enjoyed myself and was Fridays bit of fun just that, or had he thought about taking it any further with me.
No reply yet. Im really out of practice as to how these things go and what to do in the early days (if indeed it is early days)
Am I just being a silly girl and obsessing/freaking out over nothing? I need some advice because I dont want to go all weird on him and be over the top, but I really have forgotten how these things work.
Sorry for the long post!
Maybe he didnt want to get too attached if he is on a months leave? I honestly have no idea how mens brains work, lets see what the guys say ;)
Piggymon
18-05-2008, 18:46
Woah, chill out a little bit :)
You messaged him this morning and he's not yet replied ? Maybe he's just busy and wants to send you a proper reply rather than just a rushed half reply ?
Don't worry about it, if he's worth pursuing he'll get back to you, if he's one of these types to play games he's not worth wasting your time over :)
Knipples
18-05-2008, 18:46
Hes done his 2 tours of Afghan and is now back based here for the next few months. I agree that might be part of it, just would rather know.
I can do long distance that bit doesnt bother me in the least.
leowyatt
18-05-2008, 18:47
I think the best thing for you to do now is to wait till he gets back in touch with you. You've made contact now it's up to him to respond :)
Knipples
18-05-2008, 18:48
Woah, chill out a little bit :)
You messaged him this morning and he's not yet replied ? Maybe he's just busy and wants to send you a proper reply rather than just a rushed half reply ?
Don't worry about it, if he's worth pursuing he'll get back to you, if he's one of these types to play games he's not worth wasting your time over :)
Thankyou! Im sure I need someone to tell me to stop flapping because im so out of practice as to how these things work. In my last relationship, he did all the running and I didnt even have to try, so its been over 2 years since ive been in this position thats all.
Piggymon
18-05-2008, 18:50
*ties knip's wings together to stop her from flapping* ;)
Don't worry about it lovely, I'm sure he'll be back to you with a lovely reply soon :)
Knipples
18-05-2008, 18:52
be wary of scaring him off too. If he's not wanting to get serious or upset you, then if you keep messaging him asking about the state of play then it might spook him and he'll bugger off. Good luck - I hope he gets in touch!
Am not going to contact him again today and I havent sent him any txts or anything since my "thankyou for a lovely evening" one on Friday night.
Stan_Lite
18-05-2008, 20:52
Sometimes we take a while to reply to stuff. If he's been away for a while, he probably has a lot of catching up to do with friends and family, so he could be too busy to look on FB.
I think you're right to play it cool - give him a chance and try not to appear too keen (even if he is hot).
Been out of the game for a while myself (12 years now :shocked:) so I can't really comment on 'modern' courtship patterns but I think both parties should progress at a pace which is mutually convenient. It's not the sort of thing you would probably discuss freely at such an early stage but you need to look for signals from him as to what he's comfortable with and decide if that is compatible with what you want.
Good luck :)
Cooooool as a cucumber is the name of the game :)
Knipples
18-05-2008, 21:05
Cooooool as a cucumber is the name of the game :)
Im trying, I just dont want him to think im not interested thats all. :)
Im sure hes busy yeah, I just kind of treat others how id like to be treated, and if it was me, I would have appreciated a "hello how are you" text today thats all.
I shall try and stop being weird, im just not used to having all the butteflies and crap that goes with liking someone, and its freaking me out a bit.
God I sound like a right nutter dont I!!
This isnt me at all, normally I dont give a crap, this ones just gotten under my skin somehow.
SidewinderINC
18-05-2008, 21:07
Im trying, I just dont want him to think im not interested thats all. :)
From a blokes point of view I'd rather be wondering whether you liked me (or how much you liked me) or not over you being a psycho hose beast who seemed too keen.
Chill, he'll get back to you in good time.
Knipples
18-05-2008, 21:08
From a blokes point of view I'd rather be wondering whether you liked me (or how much you liked me) or not over you being a psycho hose beast who seemed too keen.
Chill, he'll get back to you in good time.
Thankyou!
I am seriously not a psycho honest!
I shall ingraine your post in my brain now!
Del Lardo
18-05-2008, 21:28
I spoke to him briefly yesterday morning but then he was going out with his mates (hes in the army and is home on a months leave - half way through it now) Ive heard nothing since. I sent him a message on Facebook this morning to say hello and that I enjoyed myself and was Fridays bit of fun just that, or had he thought about taking it any further with me.
No reply yet. Im really out of practice as to how these things go and what to do in the early days (if indeed it is early days)
Under no circumstances contact him again, wait for him to get back to you. If he's been out with his mates then his mind has been elsewhere and as I'm sure you are aware men are crap at multitasking :D
We are simple creatures and too many messages without him having a chance to reply (in his time scale) is as scary as you suggesting that you get married on your 4th date.
Knipples
18-05-2008, 21:31
Under no circumstances contact him again, wait for him to get back to you. If he's been out with his mates then his mind has been elsewhere and as I'm sure you are aware men are crap at multitasking :D
We are simple creatures and too many messages without him having a chance to reply (in his time scale) is as scary as you suggesting that you get married on your 4th date.
Ha nope, I firmly have my "will not contact again" head on for that part.
SidewinderINC
18-05-2008, 21:34
Thankyou!
I am seriously not a psycho honest!
I shall ingraine your post in my brain now!
hehe, the term "psycho hose beast" is from waynes world :p It wasn't me thinking you're a psycho, I realise I may have sounded like an arse :o
Knipples
18-05-2008, 21:35
hehe, the term "psycho hose beast" is from waynes world :p It wasn't me thinking you're a psycho, I realise I may have sounded like an arse :o
Nah you made me giggle!
Takes a lot more than that to upset me!
SidewinderINC
18-05-2008, 21:41
Wasn't worried about upsetting you ;) Just didn't want you to think I was a tool :p
Knipples
18-05-2008, 21:45
Wasn't worried about upsetting you ;) Just didn't want you to think I was a tool :p
Fine then!
Consider me offended! :D
I love the phrase Psycho Hose Beast. I think my ex nicknamed me it when we split up. It makes me giggle :)
Keep it cool Knip, he'll be back! And if he isn't, he wasn't worth it anyway!
My daughter's friend has told my daughter that boys have germs and you catch stupid off them.
No more boys for me.
Dymetrie
18-05-2008, 22:49
My daughter's friend has told my daughter that boys have germs and you catch stupid off them.
No more boys for me.
Too much stupid already?
*runs*
SidewinderINC
18-05-2008, 22:49
It's true, we do have germs and you can catch stupid from us... :(
It's true, we do have germs and you can catch stupid from us... :(
Immortalized in sig!
SidewinderINC
18-05-2008, 22:55
Immortalized in sig!
:'(
Teaches me to be stupid and admit to stuff :p
I'm the same as you Knip when I meet someone - get all over excited too quickly and tend to ruin things as a result, or scare the person off, or just put too much pressure on people. I'm an exciteable & passionate chap so I do get a bit full on - there's no in between with me :o
It's always exciting meeting someone new that you like, but it's hard being pragmatic and rational when you do. So as hard as it is, don't think about it, keep yourself occupied and just get on with your day without getting hung up on him. :) Harder said than done - but try!
Knipples
19-05-2008, 07:21
I'm the same as you Knip when I meet someone - get all over excited too quickly and tend to ruin things as a result, or scare the person off, or just put too much pressure on people. I'm an exciteable & passionate chap so I do get a bit full on - there's no in between with me :o
It's always exciting meeting someone knew that you like, but it's hard being pragmatic and rational when you do. So as hard as it is, don't think about it, keep yourself occupied and just get on with your day without getting hung up on him. :) Harder said than done - but try!
Thankyou I am trying. No reply to my message this morning either.
Ah well.
I agree with the not contacting him again plan.
I would warn you to be wary of military men based on past experience, but I am sure that thought is in your head already and isn't really very helpful.
If he doesn't contact you, he isn't good enough for you. You made the first move so it makes it easier for him to talk back, but if he doesn't, that isn't your fault. You deserve someone who is so crazy about you that he doesn't get distracted and "forget" to text you or get to busy to get back to you after you message him. If you don't hear from him in a few days, cut your losses and be glad you found out sooner rather than later.
I hope he does call/text/message though:-) Just be careful...
Admiral Huddy
19-05-2008, 12:08
I don't think your being silly at all. I've not read everyone elses replies but here's my shout..
Being a bloke (#checks#) i think sometimes we can be a little thoughtless when it comes to the basics, like making a simple phone call etc, no matter how attentive we are. I'm the most thoughtless person on the planet but i like to think I'm warm hearted.
I'm sure that he will get in touch but if he doesn't then he doesn't deserve your heart in the first place and it's his lose
The main thing is not to chase him. You've done your bit, now stand your ground. Easier said than done sometimes.
Hope that doesn't sound too direct.
[QUOTE=Admiral Huddy;204005]
The main thing is not to chase him. You've done your bit, now stand your ground. QUOTE]
Amen to that! He ought to be the one chasing. You're a catch:-)
Admiral Huddy
19-05-2008, 12:20
You're a catch:-)
Why thank you :p
hehe
Right....thats what I meant...
Knip, you're a catch too
Knipples
19-05-2008, 17:23
He replied!!
i know how you feel, don't go worrying i wanna see you again, we get on well and i really like that, your gorgeous. to be honest i can't really tell you where this is going but i would like to see.
And don't worry not freaked at all.
N xx
Im still flapping but thats just me being a girl not used to all this I guess.
Thankyou everyone for your lovely advice, it really has helped me stay calm.
Looks like we are going out tomorrow to the cinema.
Now for the "what do I wear flap!" ;D
Am going to keep both feet on the ground and not go over the top with contacting him, as you rightly said Lana....im a catch and he should be chasing me!
Thanks again xx
Justsomebloke
19-05-2008, 17:28
Admit it, You've Already got the Wedding dress haven't you :umbrella:
Hides Bunny & legs it :wave:
:lubu:
Burnsy2023
19-05-2008, 18:21
Well it's nice to hear your finally getting some luck in the men department :)
Stay cool and let him do the work ;)
I'm the same as you Knip when I meet someone - get all over excited too quickly and tend to ruin things as a result, or scare the person off, or just put too much pressure on people. I'm an exciteable & passionate chap so I do get a bit full on - there's no in between with me :o
I am EXACTLY the same. It's rather annoying :(
Told you so.
He'll get back to you.
Kell_ee001
20-05-2008, 09:34
Glad to hear everything worked out :)
So, what you wearing tonight then? ;D
Yay! He's a smart guy after all:-)
Have a great time!
Glad to hear everything worked out :)
So, what you wearing tonight then? ;D
Smutty is good. :evil:
Admiral Huddy
20-05-2008, 15:40
yep, Stockings and porn shoes :p
get all over excited too quickly and tend to ruin things as a result, !
sorry, couldn't read on after that point
Never mind Will, happened to us all some time ;);D
bask to topic, sounds like it's going well :)
Knipples
20-05-2008, 18:08
Well I had a txt this afternoon saying he might not be able to make it out tonight as he has paperwork to do.
First time ive been stood up for a pile of papers, and its not like he couldnt have done the paperwork today. :confused:
Apparently hes going to call me, we shall see....
Justsomebloke
20-05-2008, 18:22
I like people to be Proper keen & wouldn't accept no paperwork excuses. To me that would mean he is thinking Meh, Can't be bothered. Cheeky git, Sack him forget him & move on to somebody who Really wants you.
Email in Trust You know the rest :happy:
Knipples
20-05-2008, 18:42
Grrr I hate games!
Me too, I dont play them and dont like them either.
Would much rather someone was honest with me and didnt want to mess me about/play games.
MEN!!!
FakeSnake
20-05-2008, 18:43
or, on the flip side..
perhaps he does actually have paper work?
Perhaps something came up at work?
Why read something into an text that may not actually be there?
He has said he wants to see you again, so why get worked up over something YOU are reading in the text :D
SidewinderINC
20-05-2008, 18:43
Grrr I hate games!
Love Games?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQ6hn_dnF9U
Del Lardo
20-05-2008, 18:49
I seriously doubt he's playing games. When I got together with Klara I made her perfectly aware of my priorities.
1. Job
2. Her
I'm at the age where I need to prioritise my career and she understands that (luckily for me).
I'd say it's likely that he does have to do paperwork (remember when you are in the military you have to do what you are told) so when you do get round to seeing him ask him straight where his priorities are (I suspect they will be the same as mine) and then decide if you are willing to base a relationship on those priorities.
Knipples
20-05-2008, 18:54
Im not flipping out or anything but as hes off on a months leave hes had all day to do his paperwork, in time to clear his evening so he could see me.
Ive had to work 10 hours today and am shattered but was still ready to go out this evening so we could see eachother.
Never mind.
Dymetrie
20-05-2008, 22:28
Not trying to defend him (hell, if it was me asking you out then I'd make the time!) but I can understand the overabundance of paperwork issue... I've been up to my eyeballs in it for the past month, a situation which was exascerbated when my boss resigned leaving me in charge of the department and all the queries from the rest of the council...
I may clear my paperwork in the next fortnight (might)...
But saying that then I'd ensure I had the time to take a lovely young lady out of an evening!
I'd have taken you out... ok it's a bit of a drive from London, but I had no paperwork to do! :p
or, on the flip side..
perhaps he does actually have paper work?
Perhaps something came up at work?
Why read something into an text that may not actually be there?
He has said he wants to see you again, so why get worked up over something YOU are reading in the text :D
Agreed. You've met once so far (if I've read the thread properly) so he's not going to just suddenly drop his work life for you right now. It was probably genuine so don't read too much in to it. If he is making excuses then you'll soon know and then you can knock it on the head.
Knipples
21-05-2008, 07:16
We've been out on 2 dates so far, I didnt get the phone call he said he would make last night either.
Ive put my "I dont give a crap" head back on and cant be arsed to chase him anymore.
Probably for the best, it's hard not to get a bit wound up when you meet someone and you make pictures/thoughts in your mind as to what's going to happen - then it doesn't it sucks.
Ah well, shrug it off, get back to your life and if he calls maybe entertain the idea of catching up with him...
Not every bloke is like that. Some are more sensitive and passionate who will show more willing/keeness. Chin up - don't wind yourself up. :)
Justsomebloke
21-05-2008, 10:50
Good on you Girl !
Personally I like it to be all exciting & both players keen, If the other person is all nonchalant (ooo big word) then I just sack them off.
It don't matter how Old I get I still want that excited honeymoon period where all you think about is each other, If it's not there then what's the point.
Knipples
21-05-2008, 13:30
Going out tonight with a mate to have some drinkies and watch the footy.
I think a major men bashing session will also occur, no offence to all the lovely men on here!! :D
We have lovely men on here? :huh:
/legs it
Admiral Huddy
21-05-2008, 14:02
I think a major men bashing session will also occur,
That sounds like you have an orgy on the agenda!
I'm in! - Excuse the pun! :D
We've been out on 2 dates so far, I didnt get the phone call he said he would make last night either.
Ive put my "I dont give a crap" head back on and cant be arsed to chase him anymore.
Thats the best head to have on in times like these. If he was really worth your time, he'd have done the paperwork in time to meet up or at least called to say he was still busy. If he calls and asks you out again, tell him he missed his chance!
Justsomebloke
21-05-2008, 14:48
I think a major men bashing session will also occur, :D
:evil:
Thats the best head to have !
:p
YAH TO PERVY MIS-QUOTES ;D
Knipples
21-05-2008, 15:07
Ok correction.....there are SOME lovely men on here, the rest are just a bunch of pervs!
;)
Justsomebloke
21-05-2008, 15:13
I have been called much worse than a perv, In fact I take that as a compliment :p
I shall continue enjoying the female form (translate perv over them) until the day I die.
My last nurse will be a Dream girl I can tell ;D I'll be like O hold me I don't want to die alone Boo hoo Then when she is close i'll grab her batty :D Then Die :cool:
Davey_Pitch
21-05-2008, 15:24
We have lovely men on here? :huh:
/legs it
No hugs for you at the weekend then :p
Del Lardo
21-05-2008, 15:43
Ok correction.....there are SOME lovely men on here, the rest are just a bunch of pervs!
;)
All men are pervs. Fact!
Any men who claim not to be pervs are infact women in disguise ;D
All men are pervs. Fact!
Hurrah!
Any men who claim not to be pervs are infact women in disguise ;D
*hides gimp suit*
Admiral Huddy
21-05-2008, 16:21
Ok correction.....there are SOME lovely men on here, the rest are just a bunch of pervs!
;)
I'll drink to that!! :beer:
Tune in on Friday for "Friiiiiday Fantasy!!! Hosted byyyy.. Yours truely!
We have lovely men on here? :huh:
Nope, not one :)
Chuckles
23-05-2008, 01:22
How much paperwork does a squaddie have to do on their time off!? :confused:
Blackstar
23-05-2008, 02:30
I doubt he is a squadie having done tours, they at least let them pass out these days before throwing them into war. As for paperwork it's a dubious excuse at best, you are worth a lot more than being blown off for something so trivial. Stuff him.
Knipples
23-05-2008, 07:08
Hes a Grenadier guard based in Windsor.
When his leave has finished hes one of those guards in the Red tops with the gert big massive Black furry hats.
I had a message yesterday (I hadnt contacted him at all since he said he would ring me on Tuesday night) which said "Are you free on Sunday, im sorry ive been absent xxxxxxxx"
I sent him a message back saying "Maybe next time you say your going to call me you actually could, you wont get endless chances with me, been there done that, not going there again"
See thats my "I dont give a crap" hat firmly back on. :)
We shall see, at least he knows now I wont be messed about.
Piggymon
23-05-2008, 07:10
Um, well that's that then I think :/
Knipples
23-05-2008, 07:11
Um, well that's that then I think :/
What else could I have said?
Do I have to apologise for biting his head off now? :huh:
Piggymon
23-05-2008, 07:13
I think you were a bit too clingy IMO.
Knipples
23-05-2008, 07:22
I think you were a bit too clingy IMO.
Aaarrggghhh!
See this is why I dont bother and stay single, cant be dealing with all this!
:shocked:
(not getting at you Piggymon, I just have no idea how to "be")
Piggymon
23-05-2008, 07:24
Just be yourself, when you try to be anything else it's just not right :)
Being single's where it's at :cool: :p
I have to say it did seem a little overly excitable message to him clearly stating that you were hanging on his words/call. But maybe that's just the way you are and you are excitable and keen and you just need someone who responds to that? I don't know - but that's because I don't really know you :p
I've been on both ends - I've been the excitable/clingy one, and I've been the one scared away by clingy/excitable people. Furthermore I've also been excitable and clingy but with reciprocation from the other side which worked out great - so there is not one solution.
You do learn to tone it down and you do learn to develop a slightly more aloof side as werll as knowing to be a bit more passionate when the time comes or is required. However I seldom know when to be either as I'm usually typically rather full on - I hate playing games. If you like the person just tell them, if you're into them just be into them, don't play any of these stupid mind games :angry:
Anyway..... I'm no expert at relationships. I'm either super 100% into the person and get my heartbroken or I'm not 100% comfortable and run away - so not exactly a pinnacle of consistency or knowledge.
Gert macky - I love that expression :D One of my best friends is from Brizzle.
LeperousDust
23-05-2008, 09:51
It sounds like you've give him his last chance, so either he'll think **** this because he doesn't think hes done anything wrong. Or he'll try and make it up.
Im inclined to think he'll **** it because you two haven't been "together" long enough.
Definately "trying" too hard, just relax and enjoy the time you spend with people, without expecting anything to happen. Odds are though something usually happens!
It sounds like you've give him his last chance, so either he'll think **** this because he doesn't think hes done anything wrong. Or he'll try and make it up.
Im inclined to think he'll **** it because you two haven't been "together" long enough.
That was my initial thought too.
Just be yourself, it's all you can be. If it works, it works. If not, move on. Never try and be anything other than yourself though.
I mentally cheered when I read that. He was/is treating you like a convenience, and thats not cool. The fact that he did contact you suggests he is interested, but he blew you off twice which to me says he doesn't really value your time all that much.
If he doesn't contact you again, it's because he isn't willing to work for it. If he does, give him a shot.
The whole game playing thing is foolish, imo, so if you are being honest and telling him what you feel then i can't see how thats a mistake.
I think if I received that message (from you) i'd probably not bother contacting you again.
I'll be surprised if he does to be honest. You may as well have just sent a message saying '**** you'
I think if I received that message (from you) i'd probably not bother contacting you again.
Honestly I would have to agree. He did apologise and that message from you was quite harsh and abrupt. If it became a pattern of behaviour from him then fair enough I'd agree with what you said, but I don't think you've been "together" long enough for that sort of pattern to develop yet.
I had a message yesterday (I hadnt contacted him at all since he said he would ring me on Tuesday night) which said "Are you free on Sunday, im sorry ive been absent xxxxxxxx"
Maybe I'm a sucker but awwwwwww that's sweet of him to apologise and rearrange!
I sent him a message back saying "Maybe next time you say your going to call me you actually could, you wont get endless chances with me, been there done that, not going there again"
See thats my "I dont give a crap" hat firmly back on. :)
We shall see, at least he knows now I wont be messed about.
*eak*
He sure will know! Maybe he will just think "whoopsy" and sort out another time... maybe not :) I would've been more inclined to have said something like:
"Oooh la la, Sunday! That's a roast day! I demand a roast! And then a snog! Nom nom nom *mwah*"
Yeh okay he didn't call but he is a man :) ;D I would give the benefit of the doubt (though I'm a bit like that and have a tendency to get walked on!)
If you like him and think you may have been a bit harsh maybe a text saying "wooah hooo hoo! I've had bad experiences - can you guess! Hehe! Silly me, still up for a drink though if you can excuse my muppetness!"
:)
(nb I hope I never have to be single again, I would make such a tomfoolerly of myself it would be hilarious :))
*wubs wubs wubs*
He was/is treating you like a convenience.
Because he had some paperwork to do?
Chuckles
23-05-2008, 13:41
Because he had some paperwork to do?
Sounds like the male equivilent of "I'm washing my hair tonight" :p
You mean girls might actually make excuses too? :D
You're still very much in the casual stage of the dating. I know it's hard but you just need to relax and see how it goes. There's no real obligation to each other yet so him cancelling on you because something came up at work is pretty forgiveable IMO. It could have just been an excuse, but as you don't know, it's not wise to assume that's the truth.
Knipples
23-05-2008, 14:20
Ok so I sent him a message earlier on facebook saying "Im sorry I bit your head off yesterday, id really like to see you on Sunday if you still want to"
I hope I havent peed him off too much, im just stressed out and not sleeping properly this week (and its that time of the month so im a grumpy moo on top - too much information I know!)
We shall see, and sorry for whinging on again!
Chuckles
23-05-2008, 14:26
Just make sure you don't send him another one at 5pm telling him it's all off if you don't get a reply by 5pm ;):D
Knipples
23-05-2008, 21:49
He just rang!
Said he was sorry for being an ass and he was looking forward to seeing me again. I apologised for going off on one and he said not to worry.
Phew! I havent scared him off yet then!
:)
Piggymon
23-05-2008, 21:50
Yay !! :)
Chuckles
23-05-2008, 23:43
Good stuff! I definately think that actually talking to people is a much better way of sorting this kind of stuff than texts/email/facebook etc :thumbsup:
LeperousDust
23-05-2008, 23:48
Tbh then if he's acting like this, he's probably genunie, and busy, don't worry things will happen if they do, he sounds like a nice guy :)
I think the whole dating game can be quite fun actually, Piggy and Desmo will hang draw and quarter me for calling it a "game", but i don't really mean it as such as what day to reply etc... Just the whole meeting someone new and arranging when you next meet, but trying not to overwhelm someone etc... Its keeping me smiling recently (whole other story tbh than involves me not revising and probably coming back in August for retakes woop!) :D:D:D
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