View Full Version : Lets lower the tone a bit - new sexual positions
I feel it's time to lower the tone in here and risk a suspension or thread deletion due to inappropriacy or adult nature. After much ponderance and prior discussion I bring you a new sexual position I feel is well suited to the boat.
I call it THE PIRATE
You make love to your woman standing up, approaching from the front. When you feel it is time to put an end to the deed (this will take some practice) you spuf in her eye and kick her in the shin at the same time. She will simultaneously cover one eye, grab her shin and hop around on one leg and shout ARRRRRRRR!!! The Pirate, folks.
I wish for you to dig to the depths of your filthy minds and come up with some new positions yourselves. For an entry to be valid it must be well thought out and tested. Feel fry to try out any position mentioned here if you feel it wouldn't be realistic.
The Rodeo
Going doggy style, slap her on the rump and tell her her sister was better. Then try and hang on for 8 seconds...
Justsomebloke
05-08-2008, 10:49
The Chase.
Get said Doris on All fours on the carpet/floor. Slip an ungreased one up the botty & as she trys to wiggle away on all fours you "Chase" her round stabbing away :D
Greenlizard0
05-08-2008, 12:17
Lol epic thread. God I'm struggling atm. *Spot saved*
Chuckles
05-08-2008, 12:32
Spiderman
Nail a girl doggy style. At the crucial moment, pull out and spunk in your hand, but at the same time spit in her back. She'll think that is where it's gone. When she turns round to face you, flick the jizz from your wrist into her face and shout "Spidey Senses"
MonkeyFace varient
Similar to the Spiderman, but shave off all your public hair before. Instead of flicking the jizz at her, mix it up into a sticky jizz/pube cocktail and wipe it in her face whilst shouting "Moneyface! Monkeyface!"
Starscream, your drought suddenly doesnt seem such a surprise.
Chuckles
05-08-2008, 17:59
It's not a drought :p The lazy admins haven't added my +1 yet.
I've done the spiderman a couple of times before, but I don't think I'd quite have the guts for monkeyface. It sounds like a lot of preparation as well.
Pumpkinstew
05-08-2008, 18:43
The Rodeo
Going doggy style, slap her on the rump and tell her her sister was better. Then try and hang on for 8 seconds...
This goes even better if you have the Blues Brothers CD in the stereo and the remote handy. At the crucial moment play 'Rawhide';D
Justsomebloke
05-08-2008, 18:48
The Surgeon.
Not really a position but definately worthy of a mention. The Surgeon can be done in Any position & is more about taking your Ladys knickers & hooking them over your ears in such a way as the Gusset covers your mouth. Then you thrust away all the time making the Gusset pop in & out your mouth as you pant away, The Surgeon :p
Greenlizard0
05-08-2008, 19:42
The Surgeon.
Not really a position but definately worthy of a mention. The Surgeon can be done in Any position & is more about taking your Ladys knickers & hooking them over your ears in such a way as the Gusset covers your mouth. Then you thrust away all the time making the Gusset pop in & out your mouth as you pant away, The Surgeon :p
*gips*
Justsomebloke
05-08-2008, 19:50
*gips*
GENERATING AN INTEGRATIVE
PLANT SCIENCE ??? ;D
Greenlizard0
05-08-2008, 20:17
GENERATING AN INTEGRATIVE
PLANT SCIENCE ??? ;D
Not at all, I was just muttering on about the Global Investment Performance Standards :evil:
Erm, again not technically a position as such, but more a means of pleasuring your lady friend. Many chaps will be familiar with the phrase "two in the goo, one in the poo", a colloquialism inferring simultaneous stimulation of both the "goods in" and "goods out" regions of the female genital anatomy.
Well folks, if it's getting a little boring for ya, try this:
>
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http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n7/PrivatePyle_1984/0d2ff07c98dddec4f7a48f584f960c7a.jpg
It's not a drought :p The lazy admins haven't added my +1 yet.
I thought it was left discussing whether you should still have the .15 :D
But I've given you the benefit of doubt ;D
Did you draw that yourself sofaboy? And more to the point...have you tried it on your new lass yet? ;D
Did you draw that yourself sofaboy? And more to the point...have you tried it on your new lass yet? ;D
Nah, interwebs gave it to me. And no, I am yet to fist the girl I have just started seeing. Women these days are so unadventurous! :D
It's a disgrace if you ask me. Hmmmm that gives me an idea for a new sexual position, The Disgrace...
Maybe I'm having a sense of humour malfunction. Or maybe I just dont have the same kind of sense of humour as you guys.
Yes, I know I can avoid threads that I find are bad taste. But I'm extremely saddened by the fact that I've found a thread on bd that has made me think 'Am I on the right forum?'. I shant mention the name of the other forum I'd expect to see threads like this on.
Must introduce Tiggy to Southpark... ;) :p
It's a disgrace if you ask me. Hmmmm that gives me an idea for a new sexual position, The Disgrace...
I already do that one.
It's where you entice your man with handcuffs and promises, strip him, cuff him to the bed, stick a pink feather up his bum then go shopping, but not before phoning his mum and asking her to pop round in a few minutes to pick up something she left that you've put on the bed for her.
Greenlizard0
06-08-2008, 19:00
I already do that one.
It's where you entice your man with handcuffs and promises, strip him, cuff him to the bed, stick a pink feather up his bum then go shopping, but not before phoning his mum and asking her to pop round in a few minutes to pick up something she left that you've put on the bed for her.
That's a nice gift for your mother in law, though strangely enough not everybody's into incest. Weird I know. I suppose as well it would make your other half a mother ****er. *
*(Are we allowed to swear here?)
A Place of Light
06-08-2008, 19:03
The Panda
Go round to the girl in questions address.
Order (and eat) food.
Have sex.
Return home.
Or, to point out the connection to it's title.
Eats shoots and leaves.
:D
That's a nice gift for your mother in law, though strangely enough not everybody's into incest. Weird I know. I suppose as well it would make your other half a mother ****er. *
*(Are we allowed to swear here?)
I don't remember mentioning incest, possibly because it didn't even occur to me, so maybe it's not the mouth it comes out of but the mind it goes into (fnarr fnarr).
The Panda
Go round to the girl in questions address.
Order (and eat) food.
Have sex.
Return home.
Or, to point out the connection to it's title.
Eats shoots and leaves.
:D
Now this I like! :D
A Place of Light
06-08-2008, 19:04
Maybe I'm having a sense of humour malfunction. Or maybe I just dont have the same kind of sense of humour as you guys.
Yes, I know I can avoid threads that I find are bad taste. But I'm extremely saddened by the fact that I've found a thread on bd that has made me think 'Am I on the right forum?'. I shant mention the name of the other forum I'd expect to see threads like this on.
Surely, with a thread title like "Lets lower the tone a bit - new sexual positions", you must've had a good idea that this wasn't going to be to your taste before clicking on it???
A Place of Light
06-08-2008, 19:05
Now this I like! :D
Hold that thought, sweetie, I'm on my way.....masala in hand.
lol.
Hold that thought, sweetie, I'm on my way.....masala in hand.
lol.
Best offer I've had all week!
Surely, with a thread title like "Lets lower the tone a bit - new sexual positions", you must've had a good idea that this wasn't going to be to your taste before clicking on it???
No actually with a thread title like 'lets lower the ton a BIT', the tone has been lowered with this thread so much it's dropped off the scale imo.
And yes, as I already stated, I am capable of avoiding threads which arent to my taste, but tbh I was rather shocked by 1 or 2 posts in this thread.
I'll raise APoL a packet of cheesey wotsits and a bottle of pink wine!
I'll raise pebs half a bottle of vodka, a matured bottle of champagne, half a snickers and a pink fluffy scarf.
The ladies are hitting the bottle.
*awaits thread to hit new lows*
I'll raise pebs half a bottle of vodka, a matured bottle of champagne, half a snickers and a pink fluffy scarf.
Ooooo ya bitch!
There's only one thing for it. Threesome ladies?
Cor! 2 propositions in one thread! It's my lucky day!
Hmmmmm, let me think about it......
:starts car:
1. Maybe I'm having a sense of humour malfunction.
2. Or maybe I just dont have the same kind of sense of humour as you guys.
3. Yes, I know I can avoid threads that I find are bad taste.
Surely you've answered your own question there!!
Serious answer: This thread is soooooo tongue in cheek I could taste a blob of Vegemite if I smeared it on my ear lobe. Variety is the spice of life, and different people will always get tickled by different things! Unless any specific rules have been broken, besides the one about everyone engaging in fun that you personally deem acceptable and appropriate, then why not ignore this thread and pretend like it never happened? It shouldn't detract in any way from your enjoyment of the other 100 odd topics of conversation that are ongoing in this and other areas of Boat Drinks... :huh:
Back on topic: APoL, The Panda is genius! :D
I have a dirty mind, just ask my other half. I never said any rules had been broken, just that I was shocked that the tone had been lowered so far.
And, I wasnt asking a question, I was making a statement.
Anyway, step aside, I have ladies to attend to.
I could never be the man to get in the way of a girl on girl threesome ;)
I could never be the man to get in the way of a girl on girl threesome ;)
I so could.
Greenlizard0
06-08-2008, 20:07
I don't remember mentioning incest, possibly because it didn't even occur to me, so maybe it's not the mouth it comes out of but the mind it goes into (fnarr fnarr).
Rubbish, you meant your double entendres and you know it ;)
And being in a thread about filth already..
Rubbish, you meant your double entendres and you know it ;)
And being in a thread about filth already..
Nope! As someone once said to me:
strangely enough not everybody's into incest. Weird I know.
;)
Greenlizard0
06-08-2008, 20:19
Nope! As someone once said to me:
;)
No, but your original words..meh forget it *shrugs* lol
Justsomebloke
06-08-2008, 21:51
Ooooo ya bitch!
There's only one thing for it. Threesome ladies?
Obvious I know but this brings to mind the sexual position of "Beaver Bash" :D
A Place of Light
06-08-2008, 23:18
Best offer I've had all week!
Somehow, I find that impossible to believe.
:)
Obvious I know but this brings to mind the sexual position of "Beaver Bash" :D
http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u264/_miss_behave_/silly/beaver.jpg
'I say old chap, at least have the decency to buy me a drink first.'
A Place of Light
06-08-2008, 23:21
Back on topic: APoL, The Panda is genius! :D
Thanks matey. I do try.....then five minutes later, when I've got my breath back, I try again.
:D
A Place of Light
06-08-2008, 23:23
Ooooo ya bitch!
There's only one thing for it. Threesome ladies?
Hey, I started it so you could at least have the decency to make it a foursome. lol.
Maybe I'm having a sense of humour malfunction. Or maybe I just dont have the same kind of sense of humour as you guys.
Yes, I know I can avoid threads that I find are bad taste. But I'm extremely saddened by the fact that I've found a thread on bd that has made me think 'Am I on the right forum?'. I shant mention the name of the other forum I'd expect to see threads like this on.
The forum that musn't be named? The SPS, right? It's hardly Voldemort.
No actually with a thread title like 'lets lower the ton a BIT', the tone has been lowered with this thread so much it's dropped off the scale imo.
And yes, as I already stated, I am capable of avoiding threads which arent to my taste, but tbh I was rather shocked by 1 or 2 posts in this thread.
I'll take issue with this one, and reply if you want or just listen, but your personal taste is not a benchmark or measuring stick to what is "acceptable" on a forum. If it's not to your taste, fair enough, but I don't think that gives you the right to act morally superior. I'm sorry if that sounds a bit harsh but I don't believe in biting my tongue when you obviously can't. Don't take offence, I'm just calling it how I see it. :)
Can some of the suggestions be acted out please... I just want to see how feasible they are to do - obviously I'd have to practice on myself at the moment... but vids would be appreciated!!!! ;) :D :D ;D
Can some of the suggestions be acted out please... I just want to see how feasible they are to do - obviously I'd have to practice on myself at the moment... but vids would be appreciated!!!! ;) :D :D ;D
It's what youtube (or youporn ideally) was born to do! :D
The Bobby
This one is easy and you can improvise and just go along with whatever takes your fancy, but here are the basics. You turn them around and chuck them against the wall. Slap on some handcuffs and then beat them up a bit. Shout at them, then be really nice, THEN SHOUT AGAIN!!! Then you chuck them down the stairs and then give it to them up the pooper. Then lock them in a room for the night and release them the next morning.
At least I think that's how it's done :confused:
I'll take issue with this one, and reply if you want or just listen, but your personal taste is not a benchmark or measuring stick to what is "acceptable" on a forum. If it's not to your taste, fair enough, but I don't think that gives you the right to act morally superior. I'm sorry if that sounds a bit harsh but I don't believe in biting my tongue when you obviously can't. Don't take offence, I'm just calling it how I see it. :)
I never said my presonal taste was the benchmark for what is acceptable on a forum. I wasnt acting morally superior.
I am entitled to my own opinion, and I am entitled to express that opinion when I want.
I never said my presonal taste was the benchmark for what is acceptable on a forum. I wasnt acting morally superior.
I am entitled to my own opinion, and I am entitled to express that opinion when I want.
But surely in the process you're detracting from this thread for the people who are enjoying it for a bit of fun, which is what it was intended for, rightly or wrongly. A mod ought to strip these bits out and create a new thread for it, or better still, create a sticky thread people can use to object to certain posts or threads if indeed that would help with the smooth running of things...
Piggymon
07-08-2008, 17:32
The Bobby
This one is easy and you can improvise and just go along with whatever takes your fancy, but here are the basics. You turn them around and chuck them against the wall. Slap on some handcuffs and then beat them up a bit. Shout at them, then be really nice, THEN SHOUT AGAIN!!! Then you chuck them down the stairs and then give it to them up the pooper. Then lock them in a room for the night and release them the next morning.
At least I think that's how it's done :confused:
Erm ....
*packs bags*
The Bobby
This one is easy and you can improvise and just go along with whatever takes your fancy, but here are the basics. You turn them around and chuck them against the wall. Slap on some handcuffs and then beat them up a bit. Shout at them, then be really nice, THEN SHOUT AGAIN!!! Then you chuck them down the stairs and then give it to them up the pooper. Then lock them in a room for the night and release them the next morning.
So you've stayed at Karyn's then?
But surely in the process you're detracting from this thread for the people who are enjoying it for a bit of fun, which is what it was intended for, rightly or wrongly. A mod ought to strip these bits out and create a new thread for it, or better still, create a sticky thread people can use to object to certain posts or threads if indeed that would help with the smooth running of things...
But then surely that should be done with every thread that is taken off topic?
It's not as if it's a hoarde or even a bunch of people that have made any objections. I havent even made any objections, I've not singled out the post(s) that I personally feel have crossed the line.
And there's no point in having a sticky thread for objections. It just wouldnt work.
I never said my presonal taste was the benchmark for what is acceptable on a forum. I wasnt acting morally superior.
OK, it just seemed that way. Saying you were shocked by one or two people, and the tone had lowered too far etc.
I am entitled to my own opinion, and I am entitled to express that opinion when I want.
I know that, just seemed a bit, I dunno really, unneccessary? If this thread isn't your thing, seems a bit controntational to come in and decry it and effectively tell us how you're disappointed in people and what not. Maybe to put it in perspective, my opinion on children and babies is valid, but how would you react if I came into one of your threads about your kids and just came out with something like "Bah I hate kids, all they do is scream and ****. You're stupid to have one." People would quite rightly tell me me to take a hike. :p
A Place of Light
07-08-2008, 18:19
The forum that musn't be named? The SPS, right? It's hardly Voldemort.
Eww, I shudder when I think of that place.
;)
But I didnt say who or exactly why. It wasnt confrontational, I just said what I thought and left.
I didnt straight off think 'omg this thread is going to hell'. I thought it might be a bit of fun too, until I saw certain posts.
Then came back when the bidding for Roberta started. No-one in their right mind would miss out on bidding for her. So you could say that I came back and joined in with the fun.
God. I guess I'd better wax my hairy old legs then.
So you've stayed at Karyn's then?
The list is long and distinguished :cool:
God. I guess I'd better wax my hairy old legs then.
Better do my bikini line then.
http://img122.imageshack.us/img122/7128/strimmervp3.jpg
The list is long and distinguished :cool:
I wondered why I woke up with such a sore bum :(
Dymetrie
07-08-2008, 23:20
But I didnt say who or exactly why. It wasnt confrontational, I just said what I thought and left.
Sorry Tiggy, but there was no need for your post in this thread.
And there is no need for my post in this thread...
Unless...
Do I agree with everything posted here?
No.
Did I rub my hands with glee about what was posted?
No.
Was I riled by your post in this thread?
Yes.
Well...
To be fair, I wasn't so much annoyed by your first post, just your subsequent posts...
To begin with you targetted and disapproved of the essence of the thread (remember that this is my interpretation and my opinion of what you said) and I was very unimpressed...
Then when it turned into an auction for Roberta (btw, can I bid half a pack of smokes and a bottle of wine?) you flipped to the other side and joined in completely...
I would actually support a dedicated "I DO NOT LIKE THIS BLOODY THREAD BECAUSE IT ANNOYS ME" sticky because I believe it would be a good place for people to discuss things (and on this forum then we can certainly discuss things easily, and well, without offending people) without detracting from what people are trying to post...
I would like to state that this is my interpretation and understanding from what has been posted***
Hey Can i swap ummmm..... a packet of nik naks and a bottle of gin for a night with Roberta?? :D
I'll even throw Faysh in if she wears her new shoes and brings her pole woot. :p
Hey Can i swap ummmm..... a packet of nik naks and a bottle of gin for a night with Roberta?? :D
I'll even throw Faysh in if she wears her new shoes and brings her pole woot. :p
I'll gladly submit to this deal as long as there's pics.:D
The list is long and disgusted :cool:
;)
Better do my bikini line then.
http://img122.imageshack.us/img122/7128/strimmervp3.jpg
If I'm going in I'm going to need these as well:
http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/7847/safetygogglesci8.jpg
Dym, the only reason I've not replied to what you've said is I'm busy.
I'm not going to move or delete posts in here because it's not how we moderate this place, but if you guys want to carry on this discussion can you please start a new thread? :)
If I'm going in I'm going to need these as well:
http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/7847/safetygogglesci8.jpg
Dont forget your marigolds. And vaccinations :evil:
Dont forget your marigolds. And vaccinations :evil:
This was me the last time:
http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/5707/weldingh42ao5.jpg
Thats just plain lazy personal admin Faysh.
Justsomebloke
08-08-2008, 10:55
O well at least this threads not gone off topic ;D
I may as well stick my bid in for Roberta but seeings she is so high maintenance & I'll need to hire a gardener & a crap load of Power tools to cope with the bush it'll be low :p
I bid 2 chipped mugs an old place matt & a pen with a women in it that takes her clothes off when tipped upside down & that's only coz she can Pole dance :evil:
Thread Topic this >>>>> way >>>>>>>>>
The Dying Man.
Easy to perform & the Ladys favourite.
Said Man goes a Muff diving until Blue in the face, When he comes up for air said Lady Just Shouts "No you Kin Don't You ******* I'm not done yet" & Shoves his head back down there, The Dying Man :)
Said Man can blow Bubbles for added effect & the Variant The Drowning man :cool:
I may as well stick my bid in for Roberta but seeings she is so high maintenance & I'll need to hire a gardener & a crap load of Power tools to cope with the bush it'll be low :p
Oi! I'll have you know that was Faysh's bikini topiary I was working on!
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