Google for Chuck Norris

Desmo · 06-02-2008, 12:01

Blatantly stolen from elsewhere....but aren't all of these internet things?

Google "find chuck norris" and then hit "I'm feeling lucky"

Daz · 06-02-2008, 12:05

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Kell_ee001 · 06-02-2008, 12:31

That's great!

Davey_Pitch · 06-02-2008, 23:56

ROFL

Desmo · 07-02-2008, 10:57

Sorry, but just reading some of these off a site and they still make me laugh...

(These were, apparently, some of Chuck's favourites picked out by him)

* When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

* Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

* There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

* Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

* Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

* Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

* Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

* There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

* When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

* Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

* Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

* Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

* Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

* Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

* Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

* Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Dymetrie · 07-02-2008, 13:26

So two years behind my epic thread on overclockers which lasted for three days before Spie deleted it

Like the google website though

Desmo · 07-02-2008, 13:44

I know it's all old, but it still makes me laugh every time I read it

Dymetrie · 07-02-2008, 13:51

And here's the stuff I originally posted back on the 14th November 2005

The famous sasquatch video footage is actually Chuck Norris returning to his woodland home after a night of heavy binge drinking and unprotected sex.

Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' home is a Total Gym.

Chuck Norris sweats Gatorade.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a guy so hard, he actually grew younger.

Onions make Chuck Norris sad.

In 1979, Chuck Norris became the first black man to win the New York Marathon.

Chuck Norris is Batman.

In order to show Lance Armstrong what was up, Chuck Norris smoked 6 cartons of cigarettes a day for 3 years. During this time, Chuck developed 7 different kinds of cancer. However, Chuck was able to rid all cancer from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.

Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks

Chuck Norris has no concept of time. If you go inside his house you will find no clocks of any kind whatsoever. If you get up from his couch and tell him you must be going because it is getting late, he'll just stare at you blankly until you sit back down.

Chuck Norris is made out of plastic.

Chuck Norris' beard is made out of all 118 elements of the periodic table.

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.

If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "BOOYA".

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.

Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris

In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card from the game Uno.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following
symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it.

Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them.

Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him... Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt his beer.

Desmo · 07-02-2008, 14:21

See? How can people not laugh at this stuff?

Tak · 07-02-2008, 14:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desmo

See? How can people not laugh at this stuff?

06-02-2008, 12:01	#1
Desmo The Last Airbender Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Pigmopad Posts: 11,915	Google for Chuck Norris Blatantly stolen from elsewhere....but aren't all of these internet things? Google "find chuck norris" and then hit "I'm feeling lucky" __________________

06-02-2008, 12:05	#2
Daz The Stig Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Swad! Posts: 10,713	HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA __________________ apt-get moo

06-02-2008, 12:31	#3
Kell_ee001 Wants Big Meat Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Newcastle Posts: 6,478	That's great! __________________

06-02-2008, 23:56	#4
Davey_Pitch I iz speshul Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Liverpool Posts: 6,296	ROFL __________________ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

07-02-2008, 10:57	#5
Desmo The Last Airbender Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Pigmopad Posts: 11,915	Sorry, but just reading some of these off a site and they still make me laugh... (These were, apparently, some of Chuck's favourites picked out by him) * When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. * There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. * Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. * Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. * Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. * Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. * There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist. * When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down. * Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. * Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. * Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. * Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. * Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. * Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost * Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV. * Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. __________________

07-02-2008, 13:26	#6
Dymetrie A large glass of Merlot Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Letchworth with a Lightsaber Posts: 5,819	So two years behind my epic thread on overclockers which lasted for three days before Spie deleted it Like the google website though __________________ Khef, Ka and Ka-Tet....

07-02-2008, 13:44	#7
Desmo The Last Airbender Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Pigmopad Posts: 11,915	I know it's all old, but it still makes me laugh every time I read it __________________

07-02-2008, 13:51	#8
Dymetrie A large glass of Merlot Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Letchworth with a Lightsaber Posts: 5,819	And here's the stuff I originally posted back on the 14th November 2005 The famous sasquatch video footage is actually Chuck Norris returning to his woodland home after a night of heavy binge drinking and unprotected sex. Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' home is a Total Gym. Chuck Norris sweats Gatorade. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a guy so hard, he actually grew younger. Onions make Chuck Norris sad. In 1979, Chuck Norris became the first black man to win the New York Marathon. Chuck Norris is Batman. In order to show Lance Armstrong what was up, Chuck Norris smoked 6 cartons of cigarettes a day for 3 years. During this time, Chuck developed 7 different kinds of cancer. However, Chuck was able to rid all cancer from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks Chuck Norris has no concept of time. If you go inside his house you will find no clocks of any kind whatsoever. If you get up from his couch and tell him you must be going because it is getting late, he'll just stare at you blankly until you sit back down. Chuck Norris is made out of plastic. Chuck Norris' beard is made out of all 118 elements of the periodic table. Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face. A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly. If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "BOOYA". If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over. Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father. When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie. It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card from the game Uno. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence. Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them. Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him... Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt his beer. __________________ Khef, Ka and Ka-Tet....

07-02-2008, 14:21	#9
Desmo The Last Airbender Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Pigmopad Posts: 11,915	See? How can people not laugh at this stuff? __________________