Bit of advice..

PvtPyle · 13-04-2008, 18:19

So I know most of you don't "know" me very well, but this forum is a little more... "grown up" than the others I frequent, and I wondered if anyone has some experience they might be able to throw my way..

Firstly, you need to understand I am the world's most single man ever. As a few of you from elsewhere know, I've not had a great run of luck lately on the girlie front!

Last weekend I met a fantastic girl. 25 years old, beautiful, seems very down to earth, intelligent, she ticks lots of my boxes. I suffer from shyness and it took all the bottle I could muster to get her number and I've arranged to go out with her on Wednesday. We've had a few text sessions and so far, it seems we get on pretty well and there's some good tongue in cheek flirtage going on.

There is a catch though. She has a 4 year old son.

My opinion is it's a first date, I shouldn't give it any thought. If we see each other a few times and things go well, then I will need to consider my options given the level of responsibility and everything that would go with someone in that situation. However, someone else said to me I should think about it now, because if we do get involved I'm going to find it hard to balance her and Junior. I'm only 23 and I have loads to do before I start worrying about a family.

Has anyone been in a similar situation before? I'm a bit confused :/

Thanks for reading!

Roberta · 13-04-2008, 18:32

I think you're worrying about something that is waaaaay down the line! You've only just met!

I have 3 kids with my ex. I've been with my current partner Paul for 3 years. It took me a year before I let him meet them! I wanted to make sure he was going to stick around before my kids got attached to him. Paul was a lot older than you at 30 though.

My advice is to take every day as it comes and see how it goes. No good panicking at this early stage!

leowyatt · 13-04-2008, 18:34

Take the dates as they come. You might have your first date and not like her so don't worry and go out with her

Chuckles · 13-04-2008, 18:46

At 23, a girl with a 4 year old son would put me right off fella. However it doesn't necessarily mean it should do for you. When you get into your 30's, it becomes less of an issue, but IMO relationships in your mid 20's are about living with a girl for the first time and enjoying yourself free from responsibility.

If things get serious, it is something you are going to have to think about and if it is likely to be an issue, I wouldn't even get involved in the first place as there is nowhere for it to lead.

PvtPyle · 13-04-2008, 18:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by starscream

At 23, a girl with a 4 year old son would put me right off fella. However it doesn't necessarily mean it should do for you. When you get into your 30's, it becomes less of an issue, but IMO relationships in your mid 20's are about living with a girl for the first time and enjoying yourself free from responsibility.

If things get serious, it is something you are going to have to think about and if it is likely to be an issue, I wouldn't even get involved in the first place as there is nowhere for it to lead.

This is what I have been thinking. Leo and Roberta are right it is VERY early days, and if after the first date nothing more comes of it then I'm no worse off. I don't want to rule it out all together because she seemed nice and I reckon we clicked a bit, but at the same time, kids are not me! If it goes on for a while and things go well, it'll make it harder to call it off.

Eugh.. Hard decision

Matblack · 13-04-2008, 19:03

I get the impression that she hasn't told you yet if she is looking for a long term relationship, she may not, maybe you are thinking that there is more on offer here than fun and frollics

. When you are the person on the other side of the quandry that you are having I suspect you send a lot of time thinking about what you do want and being pragmatic about the fact that you do already have children.

My/ our advice would be to have a few dates and see how it goes and when it comes down to it I bet she'll tell you what she wants because she has her child to consider

Good luck

MB/ H

Chuckles · 13-04-2008, 19:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by PvtPyle

If it goes on for a while and things go well, it'll make it harder to call it off.

Exactly. But it wouldn't be the fact that its going to be harder to call off for me, it's just that I wouldn't see the worth in entertaining the idea anyway. Say I met a girl and I knew that in a year she was going to move away to France for good and I quite logically didn't fancy that idea. I might mess round for a bit, but I wouldn't think about getting into a serious relationship because there is always going to be this big barrier that would prevent it.

That said mate, beggars can't be choosers

SidewinderINC · 13-04-2008, 19:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by starscream

That said mate, beggars can't be choosers

I'm still bloody choosey

I'd see what she's after, and if she says anything more than something fun and lighthearted then I'd run a mile. If she's after something serious then chances are you'll be screwing her about (and not in the good way) by continuing but knowing you don't want to get involved with a woman with a kid.

Pumpkinstew · 13-04-2008, 21:12

If it was me I'd cross that bridge when I came to it.
No reason to knock a night out with good company on the head just because of what might happen at some unspecified time in the future.

Zirax · 13-04-2008, 22:15

What you are thinking about is a good few dates down the line. Relax, if you are shy then its a good way to get your confidence with girls. Besides she just might want to simply rip your clothes off, ravage you senseless all night and leave you staggering home in exhaustion in the morning

You never know unless you head on that date.

She'll tell you what she is after. This is try out days to get to know you a bit more, nothing to be nervous about at the mo.

13-04-2008, 18:19	#1
PvtPyle Sofa Boy Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Wield of the Shire Posts: 701	Bit of advice.. So I know most of you don't "know" me very well, but this forum is a little more... "grown up" than the others I frequent, and I wondered if anyone has some experience they might be able to throw my way.. Firstly, you need to understand I am the world's most single man ever. As a few of you from elsewhere know, I've not had a great run of luck lately on the girlie front! Last weekend I met a fantastic girl. 25 years old, beautiful, seems very down to earth, intelligent, she ticks lots of my boxes. I suffer from shyness and it took all the bottle I could muster to get her number and I've arranged to go out with her on Wednesday. We've had a few text sessions and so far, it seems we get on pretty well and there's some good tongue in cheek flirtage going on. There is a catch though. She has a 4 year old son. My opinion is it's a first date, I shouldn't give it any thought. If we see each other a few times and things go well, then I will need to consider my options given the level of responsibility and everything that would go with someone in that situation. However, someone else said to me I should think about it now, because if we do get involved I'm going to find it hard to balance her and Junior. I'm only 23 and I have loads to do before I start worrying about a family. Has anyone been in a similar situation before? I'm a bit confused :/ Thanks for reading!

13-04-2008, 18:34	#3
leowyatt Chef extraordinaire Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Infinite Loop Posts: 11,143	Take the dates as they come. You might have your first date and not like her so don't worry and go out with her __________________ "Dr Sheldon Cooper FTW!"

13-04-2008, 18:46	#4
Chuckles '09 sexual conquests: 4.5 Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,075	At 23, a girl with a 4 year old son would put me right off fella. However it doesn't necessarily mean it should do for you. When you get into your 30's, it becomes less of an issue, but IMO relationships in your mid 20's are about living with a girl for the first time and enjoying yourself free from responsibility. If things get serious, it is something you are going to have to think about and if it is likely to be an issue, I wouldn't even get involved in the first place as there is nowhere for it to lead. __________________

13-04-2008, 19:03	#6
Matblack Baby Bore Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Svalbard Posts: 9,770	I get the impression that she hasn't told you yet if she is looking for a long term relationship, she may not, maybe you are thinking that there is more on offer here than fun and frollics . When you are the person on the other side of the quandry that you are having I suspect you send a lot of time thinking about what you do want and being pragmatic about the fact that you do already have children. My/ our advice would be to have a few dates and see how it goes and when it comes down to it I bet she'll tell you what she wants because she has her child to consider Good luck MB/ H __________________ "we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two"

13-04-2008, 21:12	#9
Pumpkinstew Absinthe Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Mostly Oxford, Sometimes Bristol Posts: 1,156	If it was me I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. No reason to knock a night out with good company on the head just because of what might happen at some unspecified time in the future. __________________ Get old, or die tryin' PSTEWREVIEWS - Chunks of Meaty Reviews, Mixed with Your Five a Day of News, Comment and Opinion, Floating in a Broth of Suspect Grammar and Seasoned Liberally with Mixed Metaphor. Tasty.

13-04-2008, 18:32	#2
Roberta Pole Model Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 5,986	I think you're worrying about something that is waaaaay down the line! You've only just met! I have 3 kids with my ex. I've been with my current partner Paul for 3 years. It took me a year before I let him meet them! I wanted to make sure he was going to stick around before my kids got attached to him. Paul was a lot older than you at 30 though. My advice is to take every day as it comes and see how it goes. No good panicking at this early stage!

13-04-2008, 22:15	#10
Zirax Goes up to 11! Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 4,577	What you are thinking about is a good few dates down the line. Relax, if you are shy then its a good way to get your confidence with girls. Besides she just might want to simply rip your clothes off, ravage you senseless all night and leave you staggering home in exhaustion in the morning You never know unless you head on that date. She'll tell you what she is after. This is try out days to get to know you a bit more, nothing to be nervous about at the mo.

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