bash.org (NSFW and fairly offensive...mostly)

[Garp]

#694821 +(1650)- [X]
<Telius> Nobody escapes the Spanish Inquisition!
<codepoet> \S\p\a\n\i\s\h\ \I\q\u\i\s\i\t\i\o\n

*Geeky laugh*

[Daz]

Love that one

[Dr. Z]

bash.org consumed hundreds of hours of my life last time I visited it...

..here we go again!

#14258 +(6032)- [X]

<Sigurd> a sprite is anything not static
<SRElysian> a sprite is a variable object
<SRElysian> be it 2d or 3d
<TorMuck> a sprite is a f*****g soda
<TorMuck> you god damn geekass bastards

EDIT:

Comedy Gold:

#9081 +(5833)- [X]

Spin: arrrr, pirates of the south west
Spin: thar be large pipes o'bandwith near ye'ol univarsety.
Pirate: yearg, ye may be an ta somethan thar.
Spin: what say ye we pull yonder USB hard disk longside yonder NMSU puter and begin tha lutin and plunderin.
Pirate: yearg. The master done gaved me a testin machine with a grand ol CDR.
Pirate: Avast!
Pirate: MP3s off the starboard bow!
Spin: stere clear of ye porn pop ups rollin in from tha east.
Pirate: I have mah trusty Opera browsa to help me fend em off.
Spin: encrypt the data holds, batton down thar security patches, argh thar be spyware abound.

[semi-pro waster]

Originally Posted by Belmit

#759367 +(635)- [X]

Coff:We should bring rain ponchoes back. Problem Solved.
Cyg:New Problem: I don't want to look like a homeless wizard.


#765730 +(534)- [X]

<Cell>: i heard tupac was hung like a horse
<Kleptomaniac>: Tupac was shot, he wasn't hung. Read the news sometime.

I think these have to be my favourites for the sheer brilliant simplicity involved but some of the more surreal ones are fantastic too.

[Stan_Lite]

#126218 +(7332)- [X]
<WiLdSeXyPrInCeSs> i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???
<XeNoX> Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible bitch.

#136524 +(7091)- [X]
<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough.

#376790 +(6458)- [X]
Mike3285: wtf is a palindrome
MaroonSand: no its not dude

#1730 +(6168)- [X]
<Mikkel> If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you
woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
<Celestya> i dont think so
<Mikkel> Wanna go camping?

#424487 +(6153)- [X]
JstWnnaHveFuN08: do you think i should call a guy friend and talk to him about my problems? or will he not care?
Thilo: Here's how it works: if a guy helps you with your problems, you're obligated to give him a blowjob.
JstWnnaHveFuN08: lol thanks that cheered me up
Thilo: No problem. That'll be one blowjob please.

#3936 +(5555)- [X]
<+kritical> christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
<+Christin1> how do i do that

#197845 +(5329)- [X]
<SRG> Metallica sold out in 45 mins :/
<NotOneOfUs> Yeah I know.
<NotOneOfUs> Oh wait
<NotOneOfUs> You mean, like, a concert?
<SRG> yes

#492775 +(5022)- [X]
Egger: Heres the history of our medicine.
"I have a sore throat."
2000 BC : "eat this root"
1200 AD : "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1500 AD : "That prayer is superstition, drink this elixir."
1800 AD : "That elixir is snake oil, Take this pill."
1900 AD : "That pill is ineffective, Take this antibiotic."
2000 AD : "That antibiotic is artificial, Here why dont you eat this root."

#274826 +(4859)- [X]
<aryov> This cake is soooo good
<aryov> it's like sex, except I'm having it

#479067 +(4803)- [X]
Scud: The other day, in the park, I was wondering why frisbees look bigger and bigger as they get closer to you
Scud: And then it hit me

#734797 +(4648)- [X]
<Malagmyr> This linguistics professor was lecturing the class.
<Malagmyr> "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
<Malagmyr> "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
<Malagmyr> Immediately, a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah..... right...."

#210766 +(4558)- [X]
<Casey8> Diana Ross' husband died
<Tarrier> how
<Casey8> fell while climbing in South Africa or something
<JennAway> that's sad
<Bubbaprog> i guess there is a mountain high enough

#347115 +(1390)- [X]
<tRonz0r> I'm $4 poorer, 1 bandanna richer and I still don't look like a pirate
<tRonz0r> yarrrrrr, tis a sad day.

I have way too much time on my hands

[Nutcase]

I can relate to this one:

#5273 +(26650)- [X]

<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

#262417 +(7434)- [X]

<_kr4m3r> so many ****ing criminals, its bull****
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"

[Tak]

*Giggles*

#406373 +(8209)- [X]

<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section


Edit:
#367808 +(4413)- [X]

*** Zeron is now known as you
* you farted.
* you sigh in frustration.
* you lose
* you suck at life
*** Wildfyre is now known as our
* Goblin_Leecher thinks you need a life
* our conversation is entirely too weird
*** Goblin_Leecher is now known as we
* we are going stir crazy
* you are going a little too far
* our laughter fills the offices nearby.
* you are fired.
* we need new jobs
* you agree
* you wonder when this madness will end
* we are not sane
* you are correct
* our sanity has left?
<Talathar> you know...if a sane person were to walk in here...they'd be very very confused right about now...
* you are one with the matrix.

[Joe 90]

<fileface> can someone help me with my IDENTIFY, i forgot my pass
<fileface> any opers alive?
<cd> me
<cd> type: /quit i am gay
<fileface> Y?
<cd> cos it will fix your password
<cd> it will set it to 'iamanidiot'
»» quits fileface (Thug4life@c47s127h6.upc.chello.no) (Quit: i am gay «~{Polaris IRC}~» v2.04)

rofl

[Stan_Lite]

One for Daz

#10947 +(333)- [X]

<@Drezdar> This summer I'm gonna buy a DDR pad. I figure I can kill three birds with one stone by doing this: 1) play a game, 2) exercise, 3) swear off heterosexuality for good.

And another random one.

#11073 +(435)- [X]

<SpunOne> To The Taliban:
<SpunOne> Give US Osama Bin Laden or we'll send your women to college.
<nersh> To the US:
<nersh> Leave us alone or we, the Taliban authorities would not hesitate to cut off America's supply of convenience store managers.

[Will]

Some ****ing brilliant ones there! I love the offensive ones the most - does that make me a bad person?!