** Speaking from experience!!! **

[semi-pro waster]

1) Never attempt to cycle while so drunk that you can barely stand up straight, not big and not clever.
2) Never instantly believe mates when they say "oh yeah, that girl definitely fancies you", I'm pretty sure it wasn't malicious but the boy is still a tit.
3) Never get involved in a drinking competition and when the other guy says "that's enough" continue on by yourself just to prove a point AKA "I'm too drunk to have a scooby what is going on".
4) Never assume the same opportunity will come round again or that a better one will.
5) Never giggle like a schoolgirl because you've just heard your girlfriends hips crack while in flagrante delicto. Although you may find it very amusing at the time she probably will not and it does slightly ruin the mood.

Having said that these are things you should never do, I wouldn't recommend them but they've helped make me into who I am today so while I'd try not to repeat them I can't say I'm too upset at having made them.

[_dogma_]

Here's mine so far, not sure if I'll get to 5.

1. Never sleep with a married man, even if he says he's not :/
2. Never put non waterproof makeup on then go for a walk in the rain.
3. Never clean your sick cat's bum when he has diarreha (sP?) he will fart and spray (scart).
4. Don't stand next to a puddle while waiting for a bus, you will get wet.

Can't think of any more at the minute, I'm sure I will later!

[Lomster]

1. Never use self tanning wipes the day before you meet your new bloke.
2. Never have sex outside where security guards might patrol.
3. Never take too many E's as you end up looking mad as a fish.
4. Never get so drunk that you can't walk without falling over.
5. Never meet strange men from chatrooms it may end in a 6yr relationship and 3kids.

Thats it for me I think

[penski]

1. "Don't whizz on the electric fence" was something from Ren and Stimpy to take seriously.

2. Don't do the local Reverand's daughter in the back of a Volkswagen on sacred grounds.

2a. If you simply must, don't get caught.

3. Don't fry black pudding naked. Hot fat on your willy leads to years of explaining half a dozen small round scars.

4. Don't drive golf carts when drunk.

5. Don't challenge Dani Filth to a fight. You'll win but he'll bitch about it for years.

6. WD40 is not a penetrating oil.

7. Ouzo is not a milk substitute.

8. There is no eight.

9. Don't drink wine.

*n

[Gnat]

Originally Posted by Lomster

1. Never use self tanning wipes the day before you meet your new bloke.

omg so true.

[Pebs]

Originally Posted by _dogma_

Here's mine so far, not sure if I'll get to 5.

1. Never sleep with a married man, even if he says he's not :/

Married men....gotcha
Men who say they arent married......check
er.....who CAN I sleep with!?

[Flibster]

Originally Posted by Pebs

Married men....gotcha
Men who say they arent married......check
er.....who CAN I sleep with!?

Women?

[Garp]

Hmm.. tricky.

1) Think your way through an idea at least half way first before executing, saves a lot of embarrassment.

2) Never slag off a teacher when they're standing right behind you.

3) Never eat seafood at a buffet. The inevitable food poisoning isn't fun.

4) Never agree to help anyone with their computer stuff, unless they're close friends / family; you'll soon find it takes over your life.

5) Never let your fear stop you from doing something. You'll never forgive yourself.

Finally started to learn that one in time to make a move on Lana despite my fears of how she might react and what the possible implications were.

6) Never be afraid to laugh at yourself in public. If you've learnt from 5) then odds are reasonable you'll make a tit of yourself sometimes, or mess up. Self deprecatory humour can convert a hostile public to a supportive one under those circumstances.

[penski]

Originally Posted by penski

4. Don't drive golf carts when drunk.

I'd like to expand this to:

Don't drive golf carts on residential streets in Adelaide, crash into someone's garage, try to run away, fall through a hedge into a pond, climb out, fall into the road, pass out, wake up and then refer to the attending officer as a 'bastard son of a convict'...

*n

[Lomster]

Originally Posted by penski

I'd like to expand this to:

Don't drive golf carts on residential streets in Adelaide, crash into someone's garage, try to run away, fall through a hedge into a pond, climb out, fall into the road, pass out, wake up and then refer to the attending officer as a 'bastard son of a convict'...

*n

LOL!