Dear Dogs and Cats...

Knipples · 17-11-2008, 20:10

Funny email I received.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.

Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I'm very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, they are adopted children who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5.. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9.. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion quid for uni, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Piggymon · 17-11-2008, 20:18

LOL !!

Love it !

phykell · 17-11-2008, 20:30

We often have guests who are a little disturbed that, when they've been sitting down on the toilet, Borris opens the door and jumps on their laps

Oly-593 · 17-11-2008, 20:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by phykell

We often have guests who are a little disturbed that, when they've been sitting down on the toilet, Borris opens the door and jumps on their laps

Could end up with a bad case of furballs! The guest that is.

Piggymon · 17-11-2008, 20:51

If I go to the loo and shut the door, Pebbles sits outside and meows until I'm finished

phykell · 17-11-2008, 20:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oly-593

Could end up with a bad case of furballs! The guest that is.

He's *heavy* as well! It's no joke having a 17lb lump sat on you

phykell · 17-11-2008, 20:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by Piggymon

If I go to the loo and shut the door, Pebbles sits outside and meows until I'm finished

Let her in!!!

I wouldn't mind so much but the last thing a cat wants is for any company when they try and use their litter tray. Try attracting a cat's attention whilst in the tray, it's impossible. They adopt a thousand yard stare and will look anywhere but at you.

Piggymon · 17-11-2008, 21:16

If I'm doing a number 2 I want peace and quiet and the bloody door closed !

She does come in if I'm just having a wee and sometimes sits on my lap... she's got a habit of weaving between Jamie's legs and he wee'd on her tail once

vix · 17-11-2008, 22:28

Lol! Good one

Goggles *has* to sit in the sink and meow at us if we're in the bath. She has done this for years.

Darrin · 18-11-2008, 08:18

Tigger will come in and prop his front paws on the edge of the tub to see what you're doing in there. Kitty will come in to make sure you're doing a good job pooping. I swear Shadow has human genes somewhere. He will eat ANYTHING we do.

Oh, and we don't own a human couch. We own an oversized kitty bed that reclines.

17-11-2008, 20:10	#1
Knipples nipples lol (o)(o) Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Brissle!!! Posts: 4,947	Dear Dogs and Cats... Funny email I received. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I'm very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets: 1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.) 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, they are adopted children who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less 2. Don't ask for money all the time 3 Are easier to train 4. Normally come when called 5.. Never ask to drive the car 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions 9.. Don't want to wear your clothes 10. Don't need a gazillion quid for uni, and... 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

17-11-2008, 20:18	#2
Piggymon Lara Croft Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: PigmoPad - Braintree Essex Posts: 8,604	LOL !! Love it ! __________________ BF% 28/08/08 - 21%

17-11-2008, 20:30	#3
phykell Vodka Martini Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 833	We often have guests who are a little disturbed that, when they've been sitting down on the toilet, Borris opens the door and jumps on their laps __________________

17-11-2008, 20:51	#5
Piggymon Lara Croft Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: PigmoPad - Braintree Essex Posts: 8,604	If I go to the loo and shut the door, Pebbles sits outside and meows until I'm finished __________________ BF% 28/08/08 - 21%

17-11-2008, 21:16	#8
Piggymon Lara Croft Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: PigmoPad - Braintree Essex Posts: 8,604	If I'm doing a number 2 I want peace and quiet and the bloody door closed ! She does come in if I'm just having a wee and sometimes sits on my lap... she's got a habit of weaving between Jamie's legs and he wee'd on her tail once __________________ BF% 28/08/08 - 21%

17-11-2008, 22:28	#9
vix Penelope Pitstop Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 4,426	Lol! Good one Goggles has to sit in the sink and meow at us if we're in the bath. She has done this for years. __________________

18-11-2008, 08:18	#10
Darrin Dirteh Kitteh Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Hiding out in Mormon Country Posts: 1,629	Tigger will come in and prop his front paws on the edge of the tub to see what you're doing in there. Kitty will come in to make sure you're doing a good job pooping. I swear Shadow has human genes somewhere. He will eat ANYTHING we do. Oh, and we don't own a human couch. We own an oversized kitty bed that reclines. __________________ A bullet may have your name on it, but shrapnel is addressed "to whom it may concern".