Boat Drinks Top Tips - Page 7

Wossi · 06-08-2009, 22:24

When your hot Irish lady neighbour is standing in her dressing gown having a smoke outside in the morning, try to keep eye contact while chatting to her. This is a lot harder than it sounds.

After hearing your other neighbours argue for 2 night in a row (after 11.30 at night) about how he thinks she might be cheating on him, don't, when you pop round to collect a parcel she signed for you, offer to give her a good seeing to. I did think about saying this, then realised that her husband is not exactly a small bloke.

I love my new area

Darrin · 07-08-2009, 04:32

When doing road side assistance for a living and you get a call to help out a young lass, admire the badging on her car rather than her arse when she reaches into the boot to get the spare tyre.

Or when you go to a remote house in the foothills to do a jumpstart, make sure you are fully concentrating on the cables, not the barely covered woman bits on the late-30's cougar that's trying to see what you're doing, and in the process rubbing said woman bits against you.

It's also better to try and explain to your dispatcher that there's no way in hell you're venturing into THAT woman's garage than to try and explain to your wife what could possibly have happened when THAT woman quite openly says, "Oh, they sent a good looking one this time!!" whilst dropping the bath gown to the floor...

Lomster · 07-08-2009, 15:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Knipples

To remove red wine from a carpet, throw white wine on it.

When you've spilt red wine on the carpet drink white to over come the shock and then place rug over stain!!!

SidewinderINC · 07-08-2009, 17:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lomster

When you've spilt red wine on the carpet drink white to over come the shock and then place rug over stain!!!

Or pull the sofa forwards 2ft

Took my mum a week to notice

Dymetrie · 07-08-2009, 17:38

A cigar tube full of angry bees makes an excellent vibrator.

Dymetrie · 07-08-2009, 17:43

If you need time off from work for an interview, tell your boss you have to appear in court.

This also explains why you are more smartly dressed as well.

Dymetrie · 07-08-2009, 17:44

Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books.

Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

Wossi · 07-08-2009, 18:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dymetrie

Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books.

Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

But what if you later get to know them? What then?

Mark · 07-08-2009, 18:12

Get another telephone directory. There's bound to be plenty of them about.

07-08-2009, 04:32	#62
Darrin Dirteh Kitteh Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Hiding out in Mormon Country Posts: 1,629	When doing road side assistance for a living and you get a call to help out a young lass, admire the badging on her car rather than her arse when she reaches into the boot to get the spare tyre. Or when you go to a remote house in the foothills to do a jumpstart, make sure you are fully concentrating on the cables, not the barely covered woman bits on the late-30's cougar that's trying to see what you're doing, and in the process rubbing said woman bits against you. It's also better to try and explain to your dispatcher that there's no way in hell you're venturing into THAT woman's garage than to try and explain to your wife what could possibly have happened when THAT woman quite openly says, "Oh, they sent a good looking one this time!!" whilst dropping the bath gown to the floor... __________________ A bullet may have your name on it, but shrapnel is addressed "to whom it may concern".

07-08-2009, 17:38	#65
Dymetrie A large glass of Merlot Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Letchworth with a Lightsaber Posts: 5,819	A cigar tube full of angry bees makes an excellent vibrator. __________________ Khef, Ka and Ka-Tet....

07-08-2009, 17:43	#66
Dymetrie A large glass of Merlot Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Letchworth with a Lightsaber Posts: 5,819	If you need time off from work for an interview, tell your boss you have to appear in court. This also explains why you are more smartly dressed as well. __________________ Khef, Ka and Ka-Tet....

07-08-2009, 17:44	#67
Dymetrie A large glass of Merlot Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Letchworth with a Lightsaber Posts: 5,819	Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know. __________________ Khef, Ka and Ka-Tet....

06-08-2009, 22:24	#61
Wossi Absinthe Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: In the middle Posts: 1,385	When your hot Irish lady neighbour is standing in her dressing gown having a smoke outside in the morning, try to keep eye contact while chatting to her. This is a lot harder than it sounds. After hearing your other neighbours argue for 2 night in a row (after 11.30 at night) about how he thinks she might be cheating on him, don't, when you pop round to collect a parcel she signed for you, offer to give her a good seeing to. I did think about saying this, then realised that her husband is not exactly a small bloke. I love my new area

07-08-2009, 18:12	#69
Mark Screaming Orgasm Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Newbury Posts: 15,194	Get another telephone directory. There's bound to be plenty of them about.