Hangover Ratings

[Will]

Got this email this morning - thought I'd share it with you all too. Really made me chuckle!

I was sent this and found it rather amusing, so thought I'd share.


* 1 star hangover

No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you.

You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka and Red Bulls.

However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara.

Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a bag of fries.


** 2 star hangover

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.

The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast.

Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.


*** 3 star hangover

Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet and not so productive.

Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because the perfume/aftershave reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am.

Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a kebab and a litre of coke watching daytime TV.

You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 6 chicken nuggets and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.





**** 4 star hangover

You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might spew.

Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze.

You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you (depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, or, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the dodgems.

Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a second-grade class circa 1976.

You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a cheeseburger and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.

You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.


**** 5 star hangover

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits next to you.

Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.

You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth.

Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.

You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your body.

Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe ..... very gently.


****** 6 star hangover

You arrive home and climb into bed.

Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi.

You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up.

You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room.

No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.

You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail.

After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you find the toilet.

If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.

You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived.

Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.

With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.

You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last occasion.

It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. She/he abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.

You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital.

Work is simply not an option.

The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like moving.

You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or three hours at least you might even succeed.




I don't think I've ever been a 6* - though I have lopez'ed a handful of times!

[Del Lardo]

It's concerning just how many 6* hangovers I've had.

[Joe 90]

Originally Posted by Del Lardo

It's concerning just how many 6* hangovers I've had.

ditto. Thankfully none since I finished uni though!

They tend to stick around 3* now at worst!!

[volospian]

I had a 6* not that long ago. It was unfair because I didn't drink any more than I usually do, but I was violently ill and slept the night on the bathroom floor, shivering and only waking up to dry-heave into the bowl. I was still being sick at 9am the next day.

I only had 2 pints and a bottle of wine, which is less than I usually drink on a Friday night (and wake up with maybe a 1* at most). The crucial difference was that we had to leave the house early and I missed dinner, so I hadn't eaten since lunch. Still, I didn't deserve a full 6* hangover

[Pheebs]

Wow!!

I think I've experience 6* once. Although I did manage to crawl around my flat and get half dressed for work on my hands and knees before calling into work with "food poisoning" whilst my head was lolling down the big white telephone. If I recall rightly, as soon as I got off the phone I saw Picky run past the bathroom to the kitchen sink as I was hogging the bathroom... he too was in bad shape! That's all to do with £3 bottles of wine in a nightclub in Southampton called Jesters and straws. NASTY.

Never ever again that bad! Ever!

I'm a star 1 today although didn't drink much wanna consume an entire waterfall of lush fresh spring water!

[Stan_Lite]

I've had more than my fair share of 5 star hangovers but, to my knowledge, I've only ever had one 6 star (Ibiza 2001 - bloody cocktails ).

Given my reputation that may surprise some people but, despite the fact that I used to be a very heavy drinker (some may say (wrongly) that I still am), I have mostly drunk well within my capacity and rarely suffered severe hangovers - I've had hundreds of hangovers but rarely "serious" hangovers.

[Roberta]

Never had a hangover. Am just tired the next day.

[cheets]

Hangover to me = anxiety goes through the roof hate it, use to work weekends when I was a student work Saturday earlies, go home go out come home work Sunday lates, like it was nothing.

Now I am lucky If I get out of bed for something to eat.

Need to man up

[Kitten]

Originally Posted by cheets

Hangover to me = anxiety goes through the roof hate it, use to work weekends when I was a student work Saturday earlies, go home go out come home work Sunday lates, like it was nothing.

Now I am lucky If I get out of bed for something to eat.

Need to man up

I could have written that post myself!

[Toby]

Classic

TBH I don't think I've actually been properly drunk for the thick end of 20 years now. In the last few years I've found I can manage about 4 or 5 pints of an evening and then I suddenly get a splitting headache (suffer from intermittent mild migraines anyway) and I just want to go to bed, which kind of precludes getting utterly bladdered.