A couple of jokes.

[Stan_Lite]

I've recently joined another forum (a Shetland orientated forum) and there is a rather large jokes thread. I have pinched these two so far and will probably add more as I work my way through it.

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in the Rangers part of Glasgow and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Rangers fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Rangers fans.

Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a Rangers fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asks: "Well, if you're not a Rangers fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I'm a Dundee Utd fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you an Arabs fan?"

"Because my mum and dad are from Dundee, and my mum is a Dundee Utd fan and my dad is a Dundee Utd fan, so I'm a Dundee Utd fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, in an annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Dundee Utd fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time.

What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?"

"Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a Rangers fan."

__________________________________________________ _______________

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?"

The man says, "Methodist."

St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"

"Baptist."

"Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.

A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"

"Jewish."

"Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"

St. Peter tells him, "Well the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.