Pregnancy... and stuff!

[Pheebs]

Now before you think I'm up the duff I'm not!!

The other night I had a dream I was preggers and had a baby. During the birth the baby was so big it tore me in two and because of that, there were two of me. Due to there being two of me Picky left me because one of me was quite enough!

So it got me thinking about pregnancy and tbh... it sounds and looks HORRIBLE!

Pickys sister and my sister are currently both preggers. They haven't got that long to go but my oh my that's a good thing because they're HUUUUGE! HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!

Every time I think about it I just think how on EARTH is that bump-which-is-the-size-of-a-house going to get out of the foofage?! HOW?! HOOOOOW!?!

And then... THEN... the words "tearing" spring to mind. I mean... "tearing".... Dear lord. If I get preggers and am able to have a foof baby and not a sun roof one I will be petrified of my foof and bum hole becoming one! Seriously! Tearing!? How do they sort that out?! It's like sponge down there... you can't sew up sponge can you?

*cringes at the thought of a foof being sewn*

It's just... the foof... it's... so so smaaalll... and the baby... it's so so so huuuge! I've had poo's I thought "christ that hurt hellishly" and had me a bit teary in the face and the Mr Hanky produced is not even CLOSE to being the size of a baby!

And that's just the end of it! Morning/whenever-your-body-wants-to-make-you-feel-skank sickness sounds horrendous! I know some people don't get it but by christ those who do I feel so terrible for!

And then! You get HUGE. As in hOOoOUuOUuOHMOnGOUS. You're like a big waddle walrus that needs to pee every 30 minutes! Plodding about in clothing-that-generally-isn't-comfy and getting knackered uber quick is not my idea of fun.

I know some people say plus points you get to eat lots... but you're not allowed to eat so many things! Cream, cheese, fishy things! How sucky! I love prawns and soft cheeses! Okay okay, not the end of the world and thinking about it I don't eat much of that kind of thing as it's expensive... so yeh. Nom nom nom nom you go but then... all of a sudden.... KABOOOOM. You're a whale. After years of healthy eating, dieting, exercising etc and WHAM You're the size of Gibraltar. Your legs swell, your arms and hands and feet get chubby, your neck sloowly disappears into the realms of a growing chin and DOOSH. You've piled on the pounds. After a new born, albeit running around looking after the little bubba surely counts as exercise... I should imagine it's all quite knackering and the time you have (and patience/will power) to exercise/diet/eat healthy should just diminish in seconds I would imagine.

It's just never ending for us girlies! A battle of trying-not-to-be-fat. Pregnancy just makes it all worse! We make ourselves pwetty and thin (or at least we try to) only to get knocked up and end up a chubbalubba in next to no time!

AND THEN! THHHEEEEEEEEEN... to top it all off you can't drink! For 9 months. No alcomahol.



Please someone convince me otherwise. Convince me giving birth is like eating cake on a beach. Pleeeaase. Before I completely scare myself silly and superglue my foof shut forever.

*hopes no one here is newly preggers - I don't mean to scare people - I think it's my own insecurities*