Jonny69 out in public

[Jonny69]

I reckon I've been in every knicker department in Bromley today. I'd like to be able to say I was there out of a sick perversion, then I'd have something to tell you about, but alas I was just there looking for something nice to surprise Miss69 with when she gets home later. I think a surprise is definitely what she would get if I'd bought anything that currently sits on the shelves. M&S is full of inappropriately slutty undies for middle aged women and I shuddered at the thought of fat old slags smoking fags wearing it lying on a bed with their legs open. Come and get it big boy, yuck.

But it's not just M&S, the other shops are full of it too. I was really looking for a sheer strappy top in a pastel colour with some matching shorties, not a shiny black and red 100% polyester corset in size 18. Women don't want to wear this stuff do they? Oh and leopard print really should be banned. I can't be the only one that thinks it looks cheap surely?

I almost found what I wanted in H&M but there were no matching bottoms and the top was a bit of a funny shape. I did all the high street shops and finally got to the one I had been putting off all day, Anne Summers. It's not as bad as it used to be so you're no longer confronted with 14" dildos and buttplugs as soon as you walk in, that's all downstairs and the front of the shop is populated with lingerie and light fetish items, nurses outfits and the like. They also seem to own Knickerbox as well, my ex-favourite girly undies shop and I'd wondered where they had gone. Nothing suitable unfortunately and I resisted the urge to buy lube, naughty magazines and films or anything that might otherwise embarrass me on the bus home.

So apart from the cooking pot I went out to get I returned empty handed. Public transport is a big deal for me and I have to disconnect myself from the public with my iPod cranked up high. I showed my Travelcard to the driver and turned round and lifted the pushchair on the bus for the girl behind me, despite the fact that I'd seen her smoking and she was wearing what would be described as chav clothes. She then proceeded to shout at the driver about something I couldn't quite hear but I could make out her stong Eastern European accent and she left the bus. Robert Palmer's Simply Irresistable came on shuffle, which in hindsight could have turned into a Patrick Bateman situation, but I was already sat down and I didn't help her off with her pushchair.

I haven't decided whether today has been productive or not or if supermarket flowers are a suitable alternative to the nice little gift, card and flowers I had in mind. I guess she'll never know and the flowers will be in a vase when she gets home. I think I'm safe.