The Wisdom of Grandpa Simpson

[Belmit]

- Guard your false teeth when turtles are around.
- If you're on the lam, it's acceptable for someone to call you "Mint Jelly".
- Nickels used to be nicknamed "Bees" because they had pictures of bumblebees on them.
- Turkeys used to be called "Walking Birds".
- Football used to be called baseball.
- Dogs wag their tails for hours after they die.
- Words like "Bra", "Horny," and "Family Jewels" have no place on television.
- The correct name for a Banana is a "Yellow Fatty Bean".
- Wearing an onion on your belt used to be the height of fashion.
- Wearing a 15-pound beard of bees won't win you the heart of the world's oldest woman.
- Your underwear holds the answer to all the important questions.
- Always spend your money on useful things like storm windows or pipe organs.
- Don't worry if you lose an argument - you could still walk away with the turnips.
- The Metric System is the tool of the devil.
- Meteor showers are caused by the Irish.
- Rich men used to ride around in Zeppelins dropping coins on people.
- The going rate for painting a chicken coop in 1947 was a plate of corn muffins.
- The word "twenty" was once stolen by the Kaiser and had to be temporarily replaced with the word "dickety".
- Kissing was invented during World War I as a new way to spread germs.
- The Civil War was won in 1903 when Charles Lindbergh took off from Kitty Hawk and flew the Wright Brothers' plane fifteen miles on a thimbleful of corn oil.