My lingerie store visit.

[Admiral Huddy]

Why is it that there is this stigma attached with men visiting a lingerie department? What do women who work in these shops think about blokes coming alone? Do they genuinely think you’re sweet beta male who’s thoughtful and brave or just a filthy pervert with an agenda (which is me)?

The other night after watching Nina and the nymphomaniac neurons, my Mrs exclaimed that if I wished to see her in the appropriate attire, I must buy her a new set of sexy lingerie. Greeat!! At first this seems like a good idea but when it boils down to it, it’s quite erroneous task.

So off to the shops and after passing the store entrance about 3 million times I enter only when I see at least one other male in similar circumstances. “Alrite mate?” in a deep alpha male voice”

So I’m in, I’m really in.. All this underwear it’s too much.. It’s only a matter of time... before…. Some young lady taps you on the shoulder and says “can I help you Sir?”

“Yes I’d like some underwear”, I replied. “Well Sir you've come to the right place”. Sarcastic cow!, I think to myself. “Well it’s not for me it for my girlfriend… I mean my wife.. yes my wife”, all flustered. Then there’s short pause which lasts an eternity and you can hear her mind churning away: “You dirty bugger, most likely for the girlfriend..or worse yourself.. your poor wife nagnagnag”.

Anyway, after expressing what I would like .. i then mentioned the lingerie , she then asked, “Hold ups or stockings Sir?.. I would have loved to have said “Would you? That would make my day” lol. She told me there’s an offer on stockings at the moment, buy two get third free. “Oh, she only has two legs”, I replied. I got that ‘we have a comedian’ look! Not impressed!

Briefs - that's easy.. as their name implies they aren't on for too long.. Go for the cheapest.

The most difficult part is the bra, which most of us men make a tit of.. Pun intended!

“Well Sir, what's your wife’s (ahmm) measurements?” This is the worst question that a lingerie shop assistant can ask really. You instantly unavoidably look at her breasts with an involuntary reflex. Caught red handed although not literally, you think to yourself, well let me have a feel of yours so I can get the right idea #Fnnrr# but being a gentleman like me, you don’t.

The default answer to this question is “DD” of course. The problem is for us guys is that if you buy too small she’ll think you're suggesting she’s overweight.. If you get one too big she’ll think you're suggesting she needs a boob job. Either way you’ll be questioned who’s breasts you’ve had your hands on to get it so wrong in the first place. Fortunately, I went down her draws (no pun intended) making sure I got this right.

So I now have a new designer lingerie bag which tells the world of my recent expedition and my least good intentions.

TTIUWP – Forget it