Me and My Hatch. (Huddy Styley)

[Pheebs]

In short - I just spent a good 10mins wedged up my own hatch.


....



I was in my loft sorting through odds and sods to bring down stairs and came across this HUuUUUGe heavy box. I examine the box, try and lift it and it's quite heavy... sooo shuffle it across towards the hatch.

My Brain: "Hmmm. See now, the box is quite biiig but... I reckon it could get through the hatch. And heaviness wise, you can just lean it against the ladder and use the odd rung to stop on whilst climbing down."
Me: "Right... you're going down box! GOING DOoOOWN!"
Me: *climbs onto the ladder and whilst half in the loft and half out pulls the box towards the hatch and then...*

*KERPLUNK*

Me: "AYYyyyyyAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHOoO... Ooops...Ooouch... Oops."

The box had wedged itself between me and the ladder, pinning me against the hatch at an angle where I could barely get my foot on a rung which had already started slipping due to wearing slippers. One arm half stuck up and the other wedged down under the box...

Me: "Oookkay lady. How you planning on getting out of this one"
Me: *wiggles a bit*
Me: "Ummph... uggh..ARH.. OW... BUgger..."

The more I wiggled, the more the box wedged me in...

My Brain: "Okay. Remain calm and think".





*long pause of nothingness*






My Brain: "AH HA!"
Me: "AH HA!"
My Brain: "If I poke my boobs upwards then it should give me a bit of room to manoeuvre..."
Me: "Genius!" *pokes and wiggles boobies upwards until...*

THUNK

Me: "ARGUmPGhhFf"

Boobies were successfully relocated above the box buuut.. the box instantly dropped, making me slip, shoving my boobs to under my nose and making my slipper fall off so I'm now just balanced on my tippy toes and partially suspended from my boobs

My Brain: "STUPID GIRL!! STUPID GIRL"
Me: "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHhhUmpahffiIT ARghgffHuURTS" *wiggles some more* "OooMF. Oow. FfIy Need a WEE Now tooOuiuhfmp."
My Brain: "Ok ok ok ok stay calm as you're getting all flustered and swelling and things and that's not good.... maybe you should call for your neighbour? How embarrassing would that be though "
Me: "ARGHHGUfph"
My Brain: "Ok ok!!! Erm. Right. Arm. Where's that now..... okay maybe if I can push it up through the gap there I can unload the box..."
Me: *wibbles arm to the side and twists it up through the teeny gap, momentarily getting it stuck.... and then freeing it up slightly with a massive tennis playing style UMPHAGH serving noise*


I now look like a girl in the changing room who, despite being a size 12 ambitiously decided to try on a size 8 dress (afterall, it's in the sale and I'm planning on losing a tonne of weight when I start dieting... tomorrow)... and after hearing a slight *riippppppp* after half getting it on is now mid attempt of quietly getting it back off.


My top was all riffled up and the metal catch was digging into my back and my boobies were so high up and squished they felt like they're about to explode (which would be awesome as it might've propel the box away and I'd have been freeeeeeeeee!) BUT! My arms were now both bent upwards and I could wave them about in the style of that ancient deodorant advert where no one wanted their pits to be seen! Whoop whoop!

Me: "OOKayUMph right, rip Box ARGHOUPMpH open and start throwing stuff out..."
Me: *manages to claw open one side of the box and proceeds to lob books and various other items out to her left...*

Eventually, once I managed to get half the stuff out (took me about 3 or 4minutes.. not easy!) I managed to get some room and then got my arm back under the box, heaved it up and pretty much fell down the ladder.


Stupid stupid lofts, STUPID big boxes and SILLY hatches. Have now got a sore mark on my back and I think I've pulled a muscle around my shoulder blade, a ripped top and bruised boobies! Booo!

I shall miss this house but I shant miss my hatch!