Farting in public

Darrin · 22-02-2008, 07:58

As I'm sure you all know, I work the overnights at the local Walmart restocking the shelves.

Well, of course we get our fair share of the local yobs coming in raising all sorts of hell on Friday and Saturday nights. They'll come in and think it's funny to rearrange the shelves a bit, possibly stick a CD or two in their pockets.

They normally hang in small bunches and make a bunch of noise just to be a PITA. Well, I've taken to eating at McDonald's on Friday and Saturday mornings. Ever since being in the navy my digestive system hasn't liked sausage. To the inkling that it produces large quantities of the most foul smelling gas you've ever had unleashed.

So when these young morons come in the store and start their crap, I just calmly stop what I'm doing, walk over right in amongst them and let fly with a raunchy one that I've been saving for several hours. They get all indignant and move somewhere else. At this point I walk back up to them and let fly with a little more of my gracious present to them.

After about the third or fourth session of treats like this they get the hint and leave. They're not the brightest souls around here...

My manager thinks it's the most disgusting thing I could do, but agrees that it is 100% effective and there is absolutely NOTHING the yobs can say about it. "Your honor, he farted on me!!" "Suck it up you little punk, it's a natural bodily function!!"

22-02-2008, 07:58	#14
Darrin Dirteh Kitteh Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Hiding out in Mormon Country Posts: 1,629	As I'm sure you all know, I work the overnights at the local Walmart restocking the shelves. Well, of course we get our fair share of the local yobs coming in raising all sorts of hell on Friday and Saturday nights. They'll come in and think it's funny to rearrange the shelves a bit, possibly stick a CD or two in their pockets. They normally hang in small bunches and make a bunch of noise just to be a PITA. Well, I've taken to eating at McDonald's on Friday and Saturday mornings. Ever since being in the navy my digestive system hasn't liked sausage. To the inkling that it produces large quantities of the most foul smelling gas you've ever had unleashed. So when these young morons come in the store and start their crap, I just calmly stop what I'm doing, walk over right in amongst them and let fly with a raunchy one that I've been saving for several hours. They get all indignant and move somewhere else. At this point I walk back up to them and let fly with a little more of my gracious present to them. After about the third or fourth session of treats like this they get the hint and leave. They're not the brightest souls around here... My manager thinks it's the most disgusting thing I could do, but agrees that it is 100% effective and there is absolutely NOTHING the yobs can say about it. "Your honor, he farted on me!!" "Suck it up you little punk, it's a natural bodily function!!" __________________ A bullet may have your name on it, but shrapnel is addressed "to whom it may concern".