Vegging out. (possibly nsfw?!)

[Pheebs]

So.

I went to Tescos on Halloween to pick up a few bits and bobs.

Chocolates for Trick or Treaters, Salad, Tomatoes, Cucumber, Fish, Cereal and some Condoms.

Normally I'm fairly un-embarrasable but for some reason today I just was all shy about grabbing the latter on my list of things I needed to pick up. This probably was because I wasn't shopping at my normal store so wasn't aware of where everything was.

When I had discovered where the condom section was, there in the way was a lady and her trolley. So. I just figured I would wait patiently until she moved on (she was quite old and looking at vitamin pills).

Lady with Trolley: "Oh I'm sorry dear, am I in your way"
Me: "No not at all!".... *suddenly looks panicy*
Lady with Trolley: "Ok!" *looks at me as if "well why are you still there"*
Me: *runs off elsewhere*

So yeh. I wondered off thinking "WHY did you say NO!!" and think "ahh well I'll go back for them, I'll grab my cereal first.". Cereal is grabbed and so I trot back... where this woman STILL REMAINS!! So I walk past her (she notices me) and pretend to look at the toothpaste... and then the liquid hand soap... (of which I put some into my shopping basket)... and then back to the toothpaste and EVENTUALLY she goes! YAY!

So I tootle over there, grab the condoms I want and wonder off all relieved.

At the checkout the lady behind the till is an ancient looking delicate thing but all smiley and nice:

Me: "Hello!"
Checkout Lady: "Hello there my love! Would you like a hand packing?!"
Me: "No no thank you!"
Checkout Lady: "Pardon?"
Me: *louder* "No thank you, but thank you!"
Checkout Lady: *scans through cereal box* *scans through cucumber* "So dear, do you have any plans for tonight then with it being Halloween and all?!" *scans through chocolate* *scans through condoms*
Me: "No not really - we're planning on staying in tonight! Kind of veg out in front of the TV!"
Checkout Lady: *pauses scanning* "Pardon?!"
Me: *a bit louder* "I think we're going to veg out tonight! Just relax kind of thing"
Checkout Lady: "Did you say 'veg out'?!"
Me: "Yeh! Veg out - relax" *smiles*
Checkout Lady: "Veg out?"*looks confused - double takes the condoms*
Me: "As in... relax... chill out... not do a lot!" *smiles*
Checkout Lady: "OooH my child!! What a funny thing to say! I was quite shocked as I thought you said 'get his veg out'! Hahaha!"
Me: *zomgwtfyouCRAZYWOMAN* *bright red* "Hahaha! No! It's a saying! Oh dear" *looks at people in the queue behind her laughing* *NoOOOOOoOO*

Was so embarrassing. Due to it being busy and noisy she said it really loudly too.

I just wanted the world to open up and gobble me down.

Seriously. That's the last time I'm buying condoms. I think it might be karma from when I was younger and thought it would be hilarious to slip a packet of condoms in an old grannies basket when she wasn't looking in Boots. That'll learn me