Stupid things people say at work

[BBx]

Put em here

Beatrice just asked me.. 'how do I open a logo that is a pdf?'

Me: 'Open it in Photoshop'
Beatrice: 'Will that work?'
Me (thinking to self): 'why don't you try for yourself and see what frigging happens?!'
Me (what I actually said): 'Well Beatrice... I wouldn't have suggested it if it didn't work would I?'

Meh!

BB x

[Admiral Huddy]

It's normally me that's says the stupid things tbh

[iCraig]

"I thought a website was the modern word for a computer screen."

You know what, I don't think it's a good idea for you to have a website just yet.

[Daz]

'Can you release restrictions so I can send a larger email'

'How big?'

'120MB'

:|

[BBx]

Originally Posted by Daz

'Can you release restrictions so I can send a larger email'

'How big?'

'120MB'

:|

IT love me... they are always calling me to delete stuff off my personal drive... the top 10 got an email and because I was no1 with over a Gig on my drive I also got a phonecall

BB x

[Treefrog]

After taking a roller shutter door clean out of the channels with a 7.5 tonner: "I thought the door was up"

Health & Safety would have had kittens if they saw how we put it back together again!

[Dr. Z]

I get asked the most ridiculous questions in work. Todays most stupid customer came up and asked me for a box so she could post a modem off to be repaired...

I came back with a box and went to put it through the till...

Her: "Oh, its not free?!"
Me: "No, its just like any other product"
Her: "Oh ok, but its a bit small"
Me: "Well what size do you want?"
*she gestures with her hands to about the size of a PC tower*
Me: "Oh, you mean a PC, not a modem?"
Her: "No no, just the modem"

...

The conversation went downhill from there. In the end she left with a roll of bubblewrap as we didn't have anything big enough for her in stock.

Other comedy goldmine customers involve things like being asked if the signal from a wireless router could be picked up in China.

While im on the subject, some knobber on the BBC has been spouting rubbish about how no matter what shop you go into, providing you pitch it right you *will* get a discount. Bollocks to that! Some guy came in this morning and wanted a £600 laptop and a £60 printer and absolutely wouldn't purchase them unless he got some form of discount.

After 10 minutes of this nonsensical "well whats the best price you can do" or "What percentages are we talking about here" with my answers being "£660" and "0%" he left spending more than he intended to in the first place - he bought a bag, a copy of Norton (why?!), cable, paper, ink, wireless mouse and all with absolutely no discount whatsoever.

[Belmit]

Best call I ever got:

Me: Helpdesk, Chris speaking.
Caller: Oh hi, I'm having trouble getting onto the network in halls.
Me: OK, are you in front of the computer right now?
Caller: No, I'm in Dagenham.

I didn't know what to do with that.

[mejinks]

Originally Posted by Brighton_Belle

IT love me... they are always calling me to delete stuff off my personal drive... the top 10 got an email and because I was no1 with over a Gig on my drive I also got a phonecall

BB x

Lol, where I work, you would get e-mail one telling you that you went over limit, then 2 days to delete stuff otherwise it would be deleted from your personal drive.

I don't personally enforce it myself, I just run a script that tells me what files they haven't used for a while, burn it to CD and then tell them to delete the files. A pint of Magners is always bought for this

I can empathise with the e-mail one Daz. It depends on who Im talking to as to what the explanation is. Usually its "because you can't its not designed for files that large" Although I have once had to explain how SMTP works to get my point across.

I already have a good reason in place because we run Lotus notes, which is possibly the most mickey mouse POS software I have ever had the misfortune to work with. People just accept its crap and usually they just get me to burn the files to cd and send them in the post.

Having said that I've been asked "if the CD goes shiny side up" before now and I've been asked to fix a printer in the head of IT's office, to turn up and find out the printer isn't switched on. He then said "I bet you think Im a tool now" I said nothing and left stifling a laugh.

[Garp]

I've got some of the most rediculous ones, even as NOC (supposedly the top line of support.)

Sometimes I really wonder about customers that decide they're fit to have a server on the internet. I'm not meaning to be snooty, but the internet is one big security risk, for all its benefits. No one should ever have ANYTHING accessible on the internet 24x7 that doesn't know what they're doing. At that level there is no way I should have to answer questions like "What is a web server" or "What is a firewall", unfortunately I've had to answer that on numerous occasions.

Sadly probably 75% of our customers don't seem to adhere to that rule.

One classic customer kicked off a huge stink because their server got hacked. They blamed everyone and their mother about it, calling us incompetent morons and worse. After spending a few hours stepping through all the logs on the server I worked out exactly how it got hacked and did my best to ensure it was clean. I actually worked out how it got hacked in 2 minutes, sadly that's not an indication of intelligence, just an indication of how godawful they were with managing their server. It took me barely over a minute to log in, find the time some of the critical files had been written to the hard disk, navigate to the logs folder and ascertain that someone had logged in at the critical time as a particular user. It took me not much longer after that to ascertain that the password was identical to the username, which also happened to be the same as the domain name.

Oh yeah! ROCK ON, way to keep things nice and secure!

I've also had the very disappointing phone calls at 8 in the morning (I'll allow them the excuse of it being early)

"Claranet NOC, Paul speaking, how can I help?"
"Hi, our MPLS connection appears to be down at the moment, I was wondering if something was wrong at your end"
"Not according to our monitoring systems sir. Could you tell me what your username is?"
"xxxx@xxxx.uk.clara.net"
"Hmm.. that got disconnected at 6:30 last night. Okay, have you performed a kit check sir?"
"Kit check?"
"Yes sir, by that I mean turn the router off and back on, make sure all the cables are securely in place and so on."
"Bear with me a sec"
"Certainly sir.."

.. a minute passes..

"Hi, I've done a kit check"
"Sure, it looks like its logged in succesfully too"
"Yeah" *embarrased mumble* "cleaner" *mumble* "router unplugged" *mumble*