Lets lower the tone a bit - new sexual positions

Jonny69 · 05-08-2008, 09:39

I feel it's time to lower the tone in here and risk a suspension or thread deletion due to inappropriacy or adult nature. After much ponderance and prior discussion I bring you a new sexual position I feel is well suited to the boat.

I call it THE PIRATE
You make love to your woman standing up, approaching from the front. When you feel it is time to put an end to the deed (this will take some practice) you spuf in her eye and kick her in the shin at the same time. She will simultaneously cover one eye, grab her shin and hop around on one leg and shout ARRRRRRRR!!! The Pirate, folks.

I wish for you to dig to the depths of your filthy minds and come up with some new positions yourselves. For an entry to be valid it must be well thought out and tested. Feel fry to try out any position mentioned here if you feel it wouldn't be realistic.

Darrin · 05-08-2008, 09:46

The Rodeo

Going doggy style, slap her on the rump and tell her her sister was better. Then try and hang on for 8 seconds...

Justsomebloke · 05-08-2008, 10:49

The Chase.

Get said Doris on All fours on the carpet/floor. Slip an ungreased one up the botty & as she trys to wiggle away on all fours you "Chase" her round stabbing away

Greenlizard0 · 05-08-2008, 12:17

Lol epic thread. God I'm struggling atm. *Spot saved*

Chuckles · 05-08-2008, 12:32

Spiderman

Nail a girl doggy style. At the crucial moment, pull out and spunk in your hand, but at the same time spit in her back. She'll think that is where it's gone. When she turns round to face you, flick the jizz from your wrist into her face and shout "Spidey Senses"

MonkeyFace varient

Similar to the Spiderman, but shave off all your public hair before. Instead of flicking the jizz at her, mix it up into a sticky jizz/pube cocktail and wipe it in her face whilst shouting "Moneyface! Monkeyface!"

Pebs · 05-08-2008, 17:24

Starscream, your drought suddenly doesnt seem such a surprise.

Chuckles · 05-08-2008, 17:59

It's not a drought

The lazy admins haven't added my +1 yet.

I've done the spiderman a couple of times before, but I don't think I'd quite have the guts for monkeyface. It sounds like a lot of preparation as well.

Pumpkinstew · 05-08-2008, 18:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darrin

The Rodeo

Going doggy style, slap her on the rump and tell her her sister was better. Then try and hang on for 8 seconds...

This goes even better if you have the Blues Brothers CD in the stereo and the remote handy. At the crucial moment play 'Rawhide'

Justsomebloke · 05-08-2008, 18:48

The Surgeon.

Not really a position but definately worthy of a mention. The Surgeon can be done in Any position & is more about taking your Ladys knickers & hooking them over your ears in such a way as the Gusset covers your mouth. Then you thrust away all the time making the Gusset pop in & out your mouth as you pant away, The Surgeon

Greenlizard0 · 05-08-2008, 19:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justsomebloke

The Surgeon.

Not really a position but definately worthy of a mention. The Surgeon can be done in Any position & is more about taking your Ladys knickers & hooking them over your ears in such a way as the Gusset covers your mouth. Then you thrust away all the time making the Gusset pop in & out your mouth as you pant away, The Surgeon

*gips*

05-08-2008, 09:39	#1
Jonny69 Noob Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Socialist Republik of Kent Posts: 5,032	Lets lower the tone a bit - new sexual positions I feel it's time to lower the tone in here and risk a suspension or thread deletion due to inappropriacy or adult nature. After much ponderance and prior discussion I bring you a new sexual position I feel is well suited to the boat. I call it THE PIRATE You make love to your woman standing up, approaching from the front. When you feel it is time to put an end to the deed (this will take some practice) you spuf in her eye and kick her in the shin at the same time. She will simultaneously cover one eye, grab her shin and hop around on one leg and shout ARRRRRRRR!!! The Pirate, folks. I wish for you to dig to the depths of your filthy minds and come up with some new positions yourselves. For an entry to be valid it must be well thought out and tested. Feel fry to try out any position mentioned here if you feel it wouldn't be realistic. __________________

05-08-2008, 09:46	#2
Darrin Dirteh Kitteh Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Hiding out in Mormon Country Posts: 1,629	The Rodeo Going doggy style, slap her on the rump and tell her her sister was better. Then try and hang on for 8 seconds... __________________ A bullet may have your name on it, but shrapnel is addressed "to whom it may concern".

05-08-2008, 10:49	#3
Justsomebloke The Night Worker Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 5,228	The Chase. Get said Doris on All fours on the carpet/floor. Slip an ungreased one up the botty & as she trys to wiggle away on all fours you "Chase" her round stabbing away __________________

05-08-2008, 12:17	#4
Greenlizard0 Vodka Martini Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 717	Lol epic thread. God I'm struggling atm. Spot saved __________________

05-08-2008, 12:32	#5
Chuckles '09 sexual conquests: 4.5 Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,075	Spiderman Nail a girl doggy style. At the crucial moment, pull out and spunk in your hand, but at the same time spit in her back. She'll think that is where it's gone. When she turns round to face you, flick the jizz from your wrist into her face and shout "Spidey Senses" MonkeyFace varient Similar to the Spiderman, but shave off all your public hair before. Instead of flicking the jizz at her, mix it up into a sticky jizz/pube cocktail and wipe it in her face whilst shouting "Moneyface! Monkeyface!" __________________

05-08-2008, 17:24	#6
Pebs Easymouth Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 6,716	Starscream, your drought suddenly doesnt seem such a surprise. __________________ ...faster you naughty little monkey! Running through hell, heaven can wait!

05-08-2008, 17:59	#7
Chuckles '09 sexual conquests: 4.5 Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,075	It's not a drought The lazy admins haven't added my +1 yet. I've done the spiderman a couple of times before, but I don't think I'd quite have the guts for monkeyface. It sounds like a lot of preparation as well. __________________

05-08-2008, 18:48	#9
Justsomebloke The Night Worker Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 5,228	The Surgeon. Not really a position but definately worthy of a mention. The Surgeon can be done in Any position & is more about taking your Ladys knickers & hooking them over your ears in such a way as the Gusset covers your mouth. Then you thrust away all the time making the Gusset pop in & out your mouth as you pant away, The Surgeon __________________

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