** Speaking from experience!!! **

[Pebs]

Originally Posted by Admiral Huddy

I'm confussed by this so you will have to tell us this story..

The way I read this is that you had your knickers down you ankles whilst trying to film it on CCTV but you were caught when you pulled the red emergency cord and the kids ran away. You were caught by a camaera man holding a big melon... and you said "NOWAY IS THAT GOING NEAR ME". So you had to fight him off.. and this all happened at Splash landings...

You've seen the footage then Lessons learnt, I've moved on.

[iCraig]

Never

1.) Mix tequilla with vodka
2.) Wash your jeans without checking and double checking your pockets.
3.) Pop outside and think the newspaper will prop the door open.
4.) Watch porn whilst you have the Media Player artist - title MSN plugin turned on.
5.) Put the immersion header on for 21 hours to "give the hot water a quick boost"

[Pheebs]

Never:

1. Attempt to open your student house door when drunk and hungry by shoving your arm through the letter box. You may just get stuck and your "friends" may just leave you there for an hour with a packet of chips and some fairy liquid just out of your reach.

2. Boast (even jokingly) to a man you've just met that you could beat him at a game of pool and then play a game against him. He may just turn out to be Roni O Sullivan and you may end up looking very silly.

3. Go to the pub and have a few drinks before going to Christmas Midnight Mass. Although you think it's funny that the statue of Jesus looks like he's talking... no one else will.

4. Use face cleansing oil without checking the bottle - especially when you have sensitive skin. Nail varnish remover WILL make your face look like a baboons butt.

5. Meet a load of people for the first time and think it would be a fab idea to wear gold spandex, drinks lots of skittle vodka and then do some crazy air-saxophoning to some choons whilst in compromising positions when people have cameras.

6. (like pebs said - bite me ) Say to someone "what do you mean you don't know my name?!?" and then realise you've forgotten theirs. (Sorry Huddy )

[Pheebs]

Oh and

7. (this is an important one) Presume that anything brown in the kitchen must be chocolate and pick it up off the kitchen floor and proceed to eat it. This is very presumptuous and incredibly bad news. Especially when you have a new puppy dog.

[Greenlizard0]

Originally Posted by Pheebs

2. Boast (even jokingly) to a man you've just met that you could beat him at a game of pool and then play a game against him. He may just turn out to be Roni O Sullivan and you may end up looking very silly as you run round the table three times with your trousers around your ankles.

Hmm....I'm going to have to give this one a ponder...(in no particular order)..[Never] :

*Spot reserved*

1. While trying to chat up a fit Swedish girl, never feel so overwhelmed that you have to make a story up. Apparently I went to Sweden a few years back, fell off a moose and spent a month in hospital. The same thing happened to her father and he died.

2. Make innapropriate jokes with people you don't know. (Similar to 1.). Jade Goody getting cancer is hilarious, but perhaps finding out that the stranger's mother/daughter/etc., has the same thing after toasting a shot to the aforementioned celeb...isn't...funny.

3. Take a dump in a baby bath or bidet (the one where you shouldn't put a naked bottom near). Being too young can easily be forgiven, but being drunk isn't.

4. Forget to look around before letting rip and giving a huge *sigh*. The six examiners about to grill you might be old, but their sense of hearing and smell are certainly not senile.

5. Dress up in a scooby doo outfit, get a taxi into town to meet 15 other "friends" who in their normal clothes point and laugh. The buggers. They were all in it.

[Roberta]

1. Dive backwards into a swimming pool without looking how far from the edge you are first.
2. Have your hair down and chew chewing gum on a windy day.
3. Invite friends to come and work with you and get them a job.
4. Lean too close to a faulty gas fire while you light it if you like your eyebrows.
5. Decide it's a good idea to drink 3/4 of a bottle of Martini on coming home from a boozy night out unless you want to spend the next day scraping vomit out of the fireplace.

[Darrin]

I've got WAY too many to just narrow it down to 5...

[Flibster]

1) Never accept a bet that you can drink a pint of vodka in one. You may win it.
2) Never crash a car at above 150mph - you won't remember it and it hurts.
3) Never get drunk and sleep with your girlfriends sister. See the second part of number 2.
4) Never get you knee demolished by a high velocity hockey ball
5) Never drink so much at university that you effectively can't drink anything for the rest of your life.

[Stan_Lite]

Originally Posted by Pheebs

Never:
4. Use face cleansing oil without checking the bottle - especially when you have sensitive skin. Nail varnish remover WILL make your face look like a baboons butt.

Sorry Pheebles but that made me proper rofl

Inspired by a couple of other peoples experiences.

5a. Always check your passport isn't in your trouser pockets before putting them in the washing machine unless you have a spare £97 lying around (especially when you need it to go to work in two weeks ).

5b. Never dive head first into a swimming pool you're visiting for the first time when you can't read the sign that says "No diving past this point" because you haven't got your specs on.

[Matblack]

Never get really really really bad hay fever and assume that the dropper bottle on the bathroom shelf is eyedrops.

I might be this stuff!



http://www.nomadtravel.co.uk/catalog...ng-oil?froogle

It used to come in eyedrop style bottles and its massively concentrated menthol oil so it doesn't just wash out, when I did it I did actually roll around on the floor screaming, I was lucky to keep my eyesight in that eye.

MB