Malapropisms...

[Pheebs]

Went to Sainsburys on Saturday as I fancied cooking up some kind of starter meal for Pickys Ma and Pa who we were staying with (originally I was going to do mains but everyone decided on getting a take out as we'd all be knacked from a long day... but I still wanted to cook something).

After much thought I figured a nice bit of squid would do... soak it in some lime and chilli flakes and flash fry it. Om nom nom nom.

So.

At the fish counter I try and spy some squideroos...

Me: "Ah ha! They have two squid tubes..."

Fish Dude: "Can I help?"

Me: "Yes please, may I have your two squid tubes?"

Picky: "Two? They're huge, surely we only need one?"

Me: "Ok ok... can we have one please... thank you"

Fish Dude: *leans over to pick up tube*

Me: "Oh yes, do you have their testicl..." *blank pause* "...tentacles too? OMG.. I'm so sorry.." *burys head into Pickys chest*

Fish Dude: *smiling and with holding a laugh* "No sorry Ma'am, we only have the tubes"

Dude Stood Next To Us: "BWAHAHahaha..." *walks off in hysterics*

Me: *bright red* "I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!"


Doh.

Picky said he's never seen me go so red before I was uber embarrassed. I just... I realised I had said it incorrectly but didn't register for a moment how bad a mispronunciation I had made

[Haly]

[Belmit]

Reminds me of the latest Red Dwarf! Haha!

[Burble]

Originally Posted by Belmit

Reminds me of the latest Red Dwarf! Haha!

Aye, that was a load of bollocks too.

[Pheebs]

Also - the day before that at college we were talking about whether you can claim back parking fees and I said:

"So if I crap.. Crap.. crapped... PARK in a car park" (God knows what was going on there)

And then I managed to blaspheme in front of the Vicar in Church on Saturday too:

My Brain: "Age You Will Be When Married... um hum hum 24 hum 25, 26... TWENTY SIX!"

Me: "Twenty Six..." *scribbles 26 on form*

My Brain: "Date of Birth..."

Me: *automatically scribbles 24/05 in stead of 23/05/84...* "Oh Christ..."

My Brain: "WARNING WARNING MOUTH FACE MALFUNCTION... THAT'S A BLASPHEME!"

Me: "Oh SHiieaa..UGAR!"

Luckily Picky was talking over me at the time so I don't think the Vicar heard


And I have just been reminded of my one I made at an important business meeting (normally I'm fine as I put more thought into what's about to splurge out of my mouth but I evidently wasn't thinking here):

Lady: "Would you like a Tea or a Coffee?"

Me: "A teepee.. teepee... TeePee.... Coffee. Please. Thankyou!"



*wonders what wonderful words will unwillingly spill out of her mouth in her interview in a bit *

[Tak]

[Kitten]

Seems to afflict me too Pheebs.

Reminds me of the time i went to the chemists having been told to buy Ambesol to treat a mouth ulcer.

Me : Can I have some anusol please?

Chemist :Sure (hands over box)

Me : How do I apply it?

Chemist : Erm... the box will tell you how, generally you just pop a bit on your finger and apply where you need to.

Me : Won't it sting? It's very sore. It hurts to touch it really, I had a poke with my
finger before and it's really swollen up since then.

Chemist : You could use some cotton wool if you're sensitive around the area?

Me : ooh no, I can't put cotton wool near my mouth it makes me go all *yucky face*

Chemist : ...near your mouth?

Me : Yes, I have an ulcer, that's why I need the anusol.

Chemist : I think you mean Ambesol, Anusol's for the other end *wink*

*me dies*

Adding to that I always say 'Par Cark' instead of Car Park and I used to always ask people if they wanted 'Toffee Cock Ups' rather than 'Coffee top ups' when I was waitressing.

[Haly]