The Jokes thread! - Page 2

Knipples · 08-09-2008, 18:13

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
Rock-it!

*gets coat and closes door behind her!*

G-MAN2004 · 08-09-2008, 18:20

Okay, okay. I can't criticise the thread without adding my own little wonder of a joke.

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo' Drizzle.

JUMPURS · 08-09-2008, 18:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by G-MAN2004

It would help greatly if the thread actually contained anything worth laughing at.

My post was!!!

Zirax · 08-09-2008, 18:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by chumpychops

A gynaecologist, ".....

Made me laugh

From p.57 of the Yellow and Highly dangerous joke book:-

Whats yellow and highly dangerous?

A canary with a machine gun

Wryel · 08-09-2008, 20:43

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a paedophile?

I'm not Michael Jackson.

Roberta · 09-09-2008, 21:52

A boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?
Granny replies; "f*** the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?

Blighter · 13-09-2008, 23:54

Had the Large Hadron Collider experiment failed, the DFS sale would have actually ended.

Garp · 14-09-2008, 09:41

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

Lomster · 16-09-2008, 15:48

A man and his wife take their daughter to a nudist beach..

the daughter says mummy that lady has bigger boobs than you
the mother replied with... well the dumber you are the bigger the boobs you have
ok said the daughter and she carried on playing in sand
she then said to her daddy.. daddy that man has a bigger willy than you
he replied with... well the bigger the willy the dumber you are
so the daughter carried on playing and splashing in the sea
then she ran upto her mum as fast as she could and said...
mummy daddy is talking to a really dumb lady and daddy is getting dumber and dumber and dumber.

boom boom

Fayshun · 16-09-2008, 22:31

A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the manager

She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.

The manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £17.41.

The manager says, 'Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess.

What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow £5,000?'

The blonde replies...'Where else in central London can I park my car for two weeks for only £17.41 and expect it to be there when I return?'

13-09-2008, 23:54	#17
Blighter Dubious Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Northampton Posts: 1,571	Had the Large Hadron Collider experiment failed, the DFS sale would have actually ended. __________________ Look at your signature, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine. But if you stopped writing about other things and made this your signature, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You're on Boat Drinks, reading the signature your signature could be like. I'm on a computer. My Blog \| More Outdoors \| MSN \| Email \| Call Me

14-09-2008, 09:41	#18
Garp Preparing more tumbleweed Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Hawaii Posts: 6,038	A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?" "No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!" __________________ Mal: Define "interesting"? Wash: "Oh, God, oh, God, we're all gonna die"?

16-09-2008, 15:48	#19
Lomster Custom Title Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Fay-Lom mansion Posts: 2,787	A man and his wife take their daughter to a nudist beach.. the daughter says mummy that lady has bigger boobs than you the mother replied with... well the dumber you are the bigger the boobs you have ok said the daughter and she carried on playing in sand she then said to her daddy.. daddy that man has a bigger willy than you he replied with... well the bigger the willy the dumber you are so the daughter carried on playing and splashing in the sea then she ran upto her mum as fast as she could and said... mummy daddy is talking to a really dumb lady and daddy is getting dumber and dumber and dumber. boom boom __________________

16-09-2008, 22:31	#20
Fayshun Rocket Fuel Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Adrift in the Orca Posts: 6,845	A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the manager She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000. The manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £17.41. The manager says, 'Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow £5,000?' The blonde replies...'Where else in central London can I park my car for two weeks for only £17.41 and expect it to be there when I return?' __________________ We must move forward not backward, upwards not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling...

08-09-2008, 18:13	#11
Knipples nipples lol (o)(o) Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Brissle!!! Posts: 4,947	How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? Rock-it! gets coat and closes door behind her!

08-09-2008, 18:20	#12
G-MAN2004 Columbian Coffee Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 83	Okay, okay. I can't criticise the thread without adding my own little wonder of a joke. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle.

08-09-2008, 20:43	#15
Wryel Absinthe Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,148	What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a paedophile? I'm not Michael Jackson.

09-09-2008, 21:52	#16
Roberta Pole Model Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 5,986	A boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD? Granny replies; "f*** the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?