bash.org (NSFW and fairly offensive...mostly)

[leowyatt]

<Hiroe> he was dressed as a big ****in devil
<Hiroe> like, HUGE costume
<Hiroe> 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
<Hiroe> at some anime con in california
<Hiroe> they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
<Hiroe> he's riding the elevator down to the con space
<Hiroe> doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
<Hiroe> he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice


<DannyB> some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet
<DannyB> i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back
<DannyB> and can reload from there if i die
<DannyB> she was confused

[Belmit]

#1897 +(901)- [X]
<gaspumpXP> Man... what kind of RPG is this? It won't let me rape the sheep...

#33131 +(343)- [X]
<yeyey> why cant i compile my code?
<programmer> well do you have a compiler?
<yeyey> whats that?



#42009 +(356)- [X]
<cheesewad> I want to take nunchuck lessons so when I go to jail I can bust out with the soap on a roap and beat up all those ass ****ers.
<Allen4> What are you going to jail for?
<cheesewad> stealing soap on a rope.



#51025 +(153)- [X]
<ilovebeer> dont hate just cuz i fuked ur gurl
* GBL|DJ_Huxtable thinks......socrates.........can you even get a gurl?
<Socrates> hey yeah... ilovebeer i dont even have a girl.. so how can you fuk her....
<Socrates> gg i win
<Socrates> kinda...



#375160 +(232)- [X]
<Syko>Anyway, I'm gonna play some Simpsons :P
* Syko is now known as Syko-****nRun
<Syko-****nRun> oh ****
* Syko-****nRun is now known as Syko-HitnRun



#540470 +(1659)- [X]
SMB61890: have u heard bout that earthquake stuff under the sea
Fairies Exist90: no is ariel ok?
SMB61890: i dont kno how to spell the name of it
Fairies Exist90: and king triton?
SMB61890: what?
Fairies Exist90: and sebastian?
Fairies Exist90: and flounder?
Fairies Exist90: ARE THEY OK?!

[Belmit]

#621022 +(2421)- [X]
<Andrew> woot
<Andrew> I just used my mastercard for the first time
<Andrew> I'm a man now.
<debian_> what u buy
<Andrew> purse


Haha!

[leowyatt]

<Brynneh|w3rk> im doing my girlfriend all weekend
<Brynneh|w3rk> lol whoops
<Penfold> doesnt stop
<Brynneh|w3rk> *doing stuff
<Brynneh|w3rk> *doing stuff with
<Cavey> I shall mention that quote to her when I next se her
<Brynneh|w3rk> that was the mother of all typos


<Batty> Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
<zeep> rapc?
<Batty> ...
<Batty> Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
<zeep> oic
<Batty> Though you could also say it's missing an e
<zeep> wtf is erap?
* Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall

#16766 +(123)- [X]
<Grim13> Mariah Carey's cleavage got nominated for "Worst onscreen couple"

#22459 +(434)- [X]
<Chucklez|afk> sweet merciful jeesus
<Chucklez|afk> smells like melting plastic in my room
<Ranged> you called?
<Chucklez|afk> I said sweet merciful jesus... not hey dumb little punk bitch
<Ranged> oh
<Ranged> my bad

#34662 +(1041)- [X]
(TRANCEBOY) But i'm joining the reserves.
(TRANCEBOY) Airborne Infantry
(^BiAnCoOcH^) really so da airforce in other words
(TRANCEBOY) No not the airforce,
(TRANCEBOY) Airforce is flying F16 jets etc.
(TRANCEBOY) Airborne infantry is ground combat deployed from black hawks, hueys, chinooks,
(^BiAnCoOcH^) hmmm ok den caause i understood dat but n e way
(TRANCEBOY) Ok Bianca, i'll put it in your terms.
(TRANCEBOY) Me and Cletus run around dem bushes looking for dem charlies and we's get put there by those dang cars with wings ya hear?

#11439 +(430)- [X]
<adr> if kashmir gets nuked we won't have any soft wool sweaters any more
<TS> thats cashmere you tool

[Tak]

Originally Posted by Frumpy_Pigskin

#11439 +(430)- [X]
<adr> if kashmir gets nuked we won't have any soft wool sweaters any more
<TS> thats cashmere you tool

*Coughspluttercough*

[Nutcase]

These are too funny And brighten up a frankly **** week, thanks

[Garp]

#761414 +(3570)- [X]

SergioThree: there's other fish in the sea, man, she's just a girl
Beatsfromkorea: no dude, that's bull****.
Beatsfromkorea: Think of it this way. if your precious copy of street fighter third strike broke and i told you "it's ok man, there's other games in the sea. here, play mortal kombat instead" what would you say? you'd be like, "**** that, gimme third strike."
SergioThree: ...
SergioThree: you just reached me on a level that i never thought possible

So true.. so true..

[leowyatt]

<@HEMI> I got in a car accident on the way home from work.
<@HEMI> I rear-ended someone.
<@HEMI> Guy gets out of his car; I get out of mine. He's a dwarf.
<@HEMI> We're sitting there waiting for the police to arrive and he goes, "I'm not happy."
<@HEMI> I said, "so which one are you?"

[Feek]

*snigger*

[Belmit]

#14207 +(7439)- [X]
<h|tler> HOW THE **** CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING?????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????



#291262 +(6438)- [X]
<Mendo> lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it
<spitfire> haha mendo
<spitfire> take a screen shot
<spitfire> wait
<spitfire> that made no sense



#573260 +(1426)- [X]
<wenko> today in java the prof asked the class for a simple iterator where we can use some math
<wenko> so this one guy pipes up and says "Make it an address book, and It will calcuate the percentage of girls that slept with you"
<wenko> the prof looks up and says "I can't do that", meaning its not appropriate
<wenko> so the guy yells back "why not?"
<wenko> and the first thing that came to mind i said "You get an error when you divide by zero"

Edit:

#703138 +(2717)- [X]
<sd> I was once trying to explain to an exec why his account would never be absolutely secure.
<sd> Me: "If somebody wants your account information badly enough, he's going to get it. He doesn't have to hack the system, he can just get it from you."
<sd> Exec: "That's crazy, I'd never give anyone my password."
<sd> Me: "Imagine you come home and find someone's broken in. He's got a gun to your daughter's head, and he tells you he's going to shoot in ten seconds if you don't give him your password. What would you do?"
<sd> Exec: [long pause] ... Which daughter?
<sd> To this day I still don't know if he was joking. But I no longer use that example.