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15-07-2007, 11:08
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#41 |
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BBx woz 'ere :P
Join Date: Jan 1970
Posts: 2,147,487,208
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Hurrah! I've always wanted to be a bad boy!
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15-07-2007, 14:34
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#42 |
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Wants Big Meat
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 6,478
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 Some really excellent ones there but my fav (just a head of a couple of others) had to be "Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing..."
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17-07-2007, 13:19
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#43 |
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ex SAS
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: JO01ou
Posts: 10,062
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Some crackers there.
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21-07-2007, 02:01
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#45 | |
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I iz speshul
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 6,296
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Quote:
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 Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. |
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22-07-2007, 03:12
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#46 | |
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Magners
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,865
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#329409 +(6181)- [X]
<benja> A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" <benja> The survey was a huge failure... <benja> In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. <benja> In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. <benja> In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. <benja> In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. <benja> In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. <benja> In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. <benja> And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant #212775 +(6174)- [X] Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?" Primus521: lol Primus521: turns out he misheard him Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face Primus521: omfg Primus521: til the day i die Primus521: i will never forget it
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17-07-2008, 22:44
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#48 |
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Chef extraordinaire
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Infinite Loop
Posts: 11,143
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Holy thread resurrection batman!!!
#869602 +(1492)- [X] < Lapkawitz> and you can tell she's really japanese becase her genitals produce a forcefield that pixelates the air around them #867713 +(998)- [X] <Devildrake> www.meatspin.com -About 3 minutes later- <Yodo> Woot 1000 spins <Yodo> This game needs highscore table and ingame chat <Devildrake> Dude wtf, it's a shock site, not a game... <Yodo> Oh... #865098 +(1346)- [X] <FossZombie> wtf <FossZombie> quote "so you are 23 years old right?" me: "yes" them: "did you have any programming experiance in the 1970s" * Wolfed hails FossZombie <FossZombie> I'm tempted to say yes <Wolfed> It would have been interesting. <FossZombie> Yes in 1971 I was the lead computer scientist for the military, until 1975 when I switched jobs and worked for zenith for a short period of time until 1980s when I switched over to the atari group programming team. In 1984 I was born and that pretty much ended my career as a programmer. <FossZombie> I spent the next three years ****ting myself and learning how to speak and learn my ABCs #864128 +(1725)- [X] <TAURiNE> i guess Dafreakzo and distressp are twins who were seperated in the hospital <distressp> don't **** around <distressp> i was adopted <distressp> i live in constant fear of accidentally ****ing a relative #860040 +(4774)- [X] <JoshtheRipper> Brad do you have any issues with " burn in " on your plasma? <KnaveBrad> nope <JoshtheRipper> kool <JoshtheRipper> How well does it handle blacks <KnaveBrad> I have it bolted to the wall, so they can't really take it without some serious work #854899 +(1522)- [X] <MugsyDaFish> i was peeing on the building and a cop rolls up on his bike <MugsyDaFish> i told him, i hope you're not going to arrest me cuz i don't think ill be able to sit on the handlebars <MugsyDaFish> i almost went to jail for that #853345 +(1552)- [X] <DaMouse> HP should make weaponry <zid`> nah <zid`> the ammo would cost more than the gun #850065 +(4680)- [X] <N> which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen? <Joker> Neither. <Joker> Because it's twelve.
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17-07-2008, 22:59
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#49 |
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Sofa Boy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Wield of the Shire
Posts: 701
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This thread fails completely, because no one has posted anything about putting on one's robe and wizard's hat.
Obeserve! #104383 +(12237)- [X] bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight? BritneySpears14: Aight. bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah. BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja. bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat. BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up. bloodninja: Me too baby. BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest. bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman. BritneySpears14: Hey... bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite. BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it. bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness. BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous. bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands. bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid. BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****. bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal. bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him. bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now. bloodninja: Baby? -------------- BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready? eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready. BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee. eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies. BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you. BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique. eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat. BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again. eminemBNJA: Oh **** BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up. eminemBNJA: Oh **** eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something ----------------------------- Also just found these two, dunno if they are the same guy, but they cracked me up... I.F.: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you. jap_gurli: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u. I.F.: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure. jap_gurli: haha, ok lets go. jap_gurli: : i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck. I.F.: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory. jap_gurli: haha, ok, u know that turns me on. jap_gurli: i start unbuttoning ur shirt. I.F.: : Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts. jap_gurli: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game. I.F.: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass. jap_gurli: stop, cmon be serious. I.F.: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass. I.F.: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet. jap_gurli: thats it. I.F.: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn. I.F.: Goddam am I hard now. -she signed off...- I.F.: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch. Jenny20fny: mmmm, okay. I.F.: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll. Jenny20fny: Yeah I like it rough. I.F.: I smack you thick booty. Jenny20fny: Oh yeah, that feels good. I.F.: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh. I.F.: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm. Jenny20fny: you like that? I.F.: I peel some bananas. Jenny20fny: Oh, what are you gonna do with those? I.F.: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark. Jenny20fny: Peanuts? I.F.: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh. Jenny20fny: What are you talking about? I.F.: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats. Jenny20fny: This is stupid. I.F.: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer. I.F.: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold? I.F.: Yeeaahhhh. Jenny20fny: /ignore I.F.: Its cool stone cold she was a #@%$! anyway. I.F.: We get on tricycles and ride into the sunset -She blocked me...- |
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17-07-2008, 23:41
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#50 |
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Moonshine
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,388
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Possibly my favourite.
#111338 +(13651)- [X] <JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book <JonJonB> Let's see the results... <JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry. <JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything <JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to. <JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work." <JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. " <JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls <JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!" <JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils. <JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue. <JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them. <JonJonB> Ok <JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof <JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all <JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he? <melusine > O_______O <JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang <JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip. <JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
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