Viz Letters - Page 3

Von Smallhausen · 21-06-2007, 17:19

I was extremely saddened to hear of Richard Whiteley's recent death. But I was cheered to imagine his life support machine making the famous Countdown "da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da! Booooooo!" sound as he took his final breaths.
Tripod

Davey_Pitch · 21-06-2007, 18:01

I don't think any thread has made me laugh out loud so much. Please keep them coming!

Roberta · 21-06-2007, 18:10

These suicide bombers really get my goat. What an evil way to kill innocent people, running screaming into a crowded place like madmen, blowing themselves and everyone else to bits. Whatever happened to good old fashioned gentlemen terrorists like the IRA, who'd quietly pop a nail bomb under a pub table and leave without making a song and dance about it.
Charles Nylon

Mr Nylon (above letter) does not know what he is talking about. Getlemen terrorists indeed. When you get stang off a wasp, it just flies off to sting again and again in the style of the IRA bombers that Mr Nylon so admires. However, when a bee stings it pulls it's arse inside out and, like a suicide bomber, dies. And I think that we'd all agree that bees are much nicer than wasps.
Bamber Ross

I'm afraid Mr Ross's insect/terrorist analogy (above letter) doesn't hold water. The reason that we agree that bees are nicer than wasps is nothing at all to do with their stinging ability. It is because bees are furry, like little black and orange teddy bears that make jam. Wasps on the other hand are all hard and have them Darth Vader faces. And they chase you when you run off.
Prof J. Sheils
Dept of Entomology
Maudling College,
Oxford

Piggymon · 21-06-2007, 18:53

ROFLMFAO !!! Awesome !

Von Smallhausen · 21-06-2007, 19:25

Talking of Viz, if anyone has a copy of the Profannisaurus Rex, the worlds ultimate swear dictionary, have a look for Alan's.

I submitted it years ago and it got in.

It might be online somewhere.

Roberta · 21-06-2007, 19:31

Here:

http://www.viz.co.uk/

Profanisaurus search on there.

semi-pro waster · 21-06-2007, 20:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roberta

http://www.viz.co.uk/

Profanisaurus search on there.

No luck searching for Alan's on there unfortunately but some of the letters are genius - simple, subtle, absurd and brilliant all in one.

Garp · 21-06-2007, 20:08

In Boots the other day I saw some packets of Immodium in the last minute impulse-buy rack by the till. Now chewing gum I can understand, but you've either got chonic diarrohea or you haven't.
N Tinberg

I learned with interest this week that the term 'inflammable' does not in fact mean that something is not flammable. The word does not follow the same negative rule as other words prefixed 'in', such as inaudible, insatiable, indiscreet, etc. I also burnt my arse cheeks quite badly.
C. Drakeman, London

Tony Blair took us into an illegal war on the misconception that Iraq had acquired weapons of mass destruction. The number of troops killed has reached over a hundred, and the number of Iraqi civillions killed does not bear thinking about. Even today with the war officially over, soldiers and civilians are being killed on a daily basis by insurgents. A lifelong, Labour voter, I vowed never to vote for Tony Blair or the governments he represents ever again after his scandal-ridden premiership. But when he did that 'am I bovvered' sketch with Catherine Tait on Comic Relief night, I screamed with laughter. Well done, Tony, you've got my vote back.
Frank Mint, Tynedale

People say that by accepting a fee for Children in Need, Terry Wogan is taking money out of the mouths of poor children, but surely that is a good thing. A child could easily choke to death on a mouthful of money, so Terry is only thinking of their welfare. If a child has 9000 pounds of 10 pence pieces in its mouth, then I for one applaud Sir Terry for taking it out. The man already has so much money that the extra that he gets from poor children's mouths can only be an inconvenience for him. The real criminals are the ones putting money in the poor children's mouths in the first place.
Richard Herring

Garp · 21-06-2007, 20:13

PMSL..

Quote:

Anyone naming their child should spend a few minutes checking rhyming slang and dodgy sounding names. Brad and Angelina failed to do this when naming their kid Shiloh Pitt. At some point, someone at school is going to spoonerise her name.
Craig Stark

NokkonWud · 21-06-2007, 20:22

Haha! Absolute genius that last one!

21-06-2007, 17:19	#21
Von Smallhausen I'm Free Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Tyneside Posts: 3,061	I was extremely saddened to hear of Richard Whiteley's recent death. But I was cheered to imagine his life support machine making the famous Countdown "da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da! Booooooo!" sound as he took his final breaths. Tripod __________________ " Well, old bean, life is really so bloody awful that I feel it’s my absolute duty to be chirpy and try and make everybody else happy too." David Niven, 1910-1983.

21-06-2007, 18:01	#22
Davey_Pitch I iz speshul Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Liverpool Posts: 6,296	I don't think any thread has made me laugh out loud so much. Please keep them coming! __________________ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

21-06-2007, 18:10	#23
Roberta Pole Model Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 5,986	These suicide bombers really get my goat. What an evil way to kill innocent people, running screaming into a crowded place like madmen, blowing themselves and everyone else to bits. Whatever happened to good old fashioned gentlemen terrorists like the IRA, who'd quietly pop a nail bomb under a pub table and leave without making a song and dance about it. Charles Nylon Mr Nylon (above letter) does not know what he is talking about. Getlemen terrorists indeed. When you get stang off a wasp, it just flies off to sting again and again in the style of the IRA bombers that Mr Nylon so admires. However, when a bee stings it pulls it's arse inside out and, like a suicide bomber, dies. And I think that we'd all agree that bees are much nicer than wasps. Bamber Ross I'm afraid Mr Ross's insect/terrorist analogy (above letter) doesn't hold water. The reason that we agree that bees are nicer than wasps is nothing at all to do with their stinging ability. It is because bees are furry, like little black and orange teddy bears that make jam. Wasps on the other hand are all hard and have them Darth Vader faces. And they chase you when you run off. Prof J. Sheils Dept of Entomology Maudling College, Oxford __________________ I fell out of favour with Heaven somewhere, and I'm here for the hell of it now...

21-06-2007, 18:53	#24
Piggymon Lara Croft Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: PigmoPad - Braintree Essex Posts: 8,604	ROFLMFAO !!! Awesome ! __________________ BF% 28/08/08 - 21%

21-06-2007, 19:25	#25
Von Smallhausen I'm Free Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Tyneside Posts: 3,061	Talking of Viz, if anyone has a copy of the Profannisaurus Rex, the worlds ultimate swear dictionary, have a look for Alan's. I submitted it years ago and it got in. It might be online somewhere. __________________ " Well, old bean, life is really so bloody awful that I feel it’s my absolute duty to be chirpy and try and make everybody else happy too." David Niven, 1910-1983.

21-06-2007, 19:31	#26
Roberta Pole Model Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 5,986	Here: http://www.viz.co.uk/ Profanisaurus search on there. __________________ I fell out of favour with Heaven somewhere, and I'm here for the hell of it now...

21-06-2007, 20:08	#28
Garp Preparing more tumbleweed Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Hawaii Posts: 6,038	In Boots the other day I saw some packets of Immodium in the last minute impulse-buy rack by the till. Now chewing gum I can understand, but you've either got chonic diarrohea or you haven't. N Tinberg I learned with interest this week that the term 'inflammable' does not in fact mean that something is not flammable. The word does not follow the same negative rule as other words prefixed 'in', such as inaudible, insatiable, indiscreet, etc. I also burnt my arse cheeks quite badly. C. Drakeman, London Tony Blair took us into an illegal war on the misconception that Iraq had acquired weapons of mass destruction. The number of troops killed has reached over a hundred, and the number of Iraqi civillions killed does not bear thinking about. Even today with the war officially over, soldiers and civilians are being killed on a daily basis by insurgents. A lifelong, Labour voter, I vowed never to vote for Tony Blair or the governments he represents ever again after his scandal-ridden premiership. But when he did that 'am I bovvered' sketch with Catherine Tait on Comic Relief night, I screamed with laughter. Well done, Tony, you've got my vote back. Frank Mint, Tynedale People say that by accepting a fee for Children in Need, Terry Wogan is taking money out of the mouths of poor children, but surely that is a good thing. A child could easily choke to death on a mouthful of money, so Terry is only thinking of their welfare. If a child has 9000 pounds of 10 pence pieces in its mouth, then I for one applaud Sir Terry for taking it out. The man already has so much money that the extra that he gets from poor children's mouths can only be an inconvenience for him. The real criminals are the ones putting money in the poor children's mouths in the first place. Richard Herring __________________ Mal: Define "interesting"? Wash: "Oh, God, oh, God, we're all gonna die"? Last edited by Garp; 21-06-2007 at 20:11.

21-06-2007, 20:22	#30
NokkonWud BD Recruitment Officer Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Smogville Posts: 3,880	Haha! Absolute genius that last one! __________________