So the Big 'D' word.....

IainB · 21-09-2009, 11:47

Just wondered if anyone had been through a Divorce recently (where children are involved) and how you went about it.
Also looking for any good links for advice (for both parties) as currently trying to work this out without solicitor involvement
Thanks

Knipples · 21-09-2009, 11:50

I have no advice as such, just wanted to say i'm sorry and I hope you are ok.

nellystew · 21-09-2009, 16:52

You could consider using a mediation service http://www.nfm.org.uk/

They'll talk to you individually and together and help you come to a joint agreement that covers finances, access to children etc.

You can then take to a solicitor to have it made legal (well, it needs to go before a judge for that).

I think the costs average out around £500 for the mediation (it's been over 8 years since I did it).

The advantage of the mediation is that as there's a 3rd party helping to draw up the agreement, neither side feels like it's a tit-for-tat thing.

Treefrog · 21-09-2009, 19:08

Not divorce but split from a long-term gf if that's close enough?
Sort out as much as you can between yourselves, the money is much better spent on the kids than on solicitors' fees.
The happier both parties are with the deal, the more likely it is to run smoothly. No deal will make both sides completely happy so aim for a workable compromise that both feel able to agree to.
Also consider the 'what if's - I guess neither of you is planning on celibacy for the rest of your life, so how will it be dealt with if one party feels that their ex's new partner is having an adverse effect on the kids? (just as an example)

Just the first general thoughts that popped into my head, hope it helps and gives you a starting point to build on. And best of luck for a workable future

IainB · 21-09-2009, 19:55

Thanks peeps

Were right at the start, so just trying to get through all the information that available (Ive already had conflicting information from my work provided 'solicitor' to what Ive seen online)
Hoping to go down the mediation route as its cheaper than the solicitors....the money is most definitley better spent on the kids, dont want them to get dragged around in all of this.
Totally gutted atm....I guess its one way of weight loss

Roberta · 21-09-2009, 21:15

Been through a marriage break up 6 years ago with 3 kids involved but don't have any real advice about separating things legally as we're best mates and still live in the same house! I can offer emotional support if you like though!

lostkat · 21-09-2009, 22:08

Hope everything goes as smoothly as it possibly can Iain. Really sorry to hear that it's come to this

IainB · 24-09-2009, 18:09

cocking hell.... (can I say that?) this has to be the worst thing in the world, ever....I thought I was doing OK, until late last night when it all finally hit home, lets just say today has been 'emotional'

Roberta, interested in your arrangements as likewise we are all in the same house, for the minute at least

Nutcase · 24-09-2009, 18:23

So sorry for you Iain

Hope you both be as amicable as possible and it goes as well as it can.

Roberta · 24-09-2009, 19:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by IainB

Roberta, interested in your arrangements as likewise we are all in the same house, for the minute at least

Sure. What would you like to know? Feel free to PM!

21-09-2009, 11:47	#1
IainB Long Island Iced Tea Join Date: May 2009 Location: South Beds Baby Posts: 143	So the Big 'D' word..... Just wondered if anyone had been through a Divorce recently (where children are involved) and how you went about it. Also looking for any good links for advice (for both parties) as currently trying to work this out without solicitor involvement Thanks __________________ www.imc-racing.co.uk and www.djiainb.co.uk

21-09-2009, 16:52	#3
nellystew Nice weak cup of Earl Grey Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Chelmsford Posts: 19	You could consider using a mediation service http://www.nfm.org.uk/ They'll talk to you individually and together and help you come to a joint agreement that covers finances, access to children etc. You can then take to a solicitor to have it made legal (well, it needs to go before a judge for that). I think the costs average out around £500 for the mediation (it's been over 8 years since I did it). The advantage of the mediation is that as there's a 3rd party helping to draw up the agreement, neither side feels like it's a tit-for-tat thing. __________________

21-09-2009, 19:08	#4
Treefrog Survivor Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Chell Heath, Stoke-on-Trent Posts: 1,761	Not divorce but split from a long-term gf if that's close enough? Sort out as much as you can between yourselves, the money is much better spent on the kids than on solicitors' fees. The happier both parties are with the deal, the more likely it is to run smoothly. No deal will make both sides completely happy so aim for a workable compromise that both feel able to agree to. Also consider the 'what if's - I guess neither of you is planning on celibacy for the rest of your life, so how will it be dealt with if one party feels that their ex's new partner is having an adverse effect on the kids? (just as an example) Just the first general thoughts that popped into my head, hope it helps and gives you a starting point to build on. And best of luck for a workable future __________________ Commit random kindness and senseless acts of beauty

21-09-2009, 19:55	#5
IainB Long Island Iced Tea Join Date: May 2009 Location: South Beds Baby Posts: 143	Thanks peeps Were right at the start, so just trying to get through all the information that available (Ive already had conflicting information from my work provided 'solicitor' to what Ive seen online) Hoping to go down the mediation route as its cheaper than the solicitors....the money is most definitley better spent on the kids, dont want them to get dragged around in all of this. Totally gutted atm....I guess its one way of weight loss __________________ www.imc-racing.co.uk and www.djiainb.co.uk

21-09-2009, 21:15	#6
Roberta Pole Model Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 5,986	Been through a marriage break up 6 years ago with 3 kids involved but don't have any real advice about separating things legally as we're best mates and still live in the same house! I can offer emotional support if you like though! __________________ I fell out of favour with Heaven somewhere, and I'm here for the hell of it now...

21-09-2009, 22:08	#7
lostkat Good Cat Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 5,550	Hope everything goes as smoothly as it possibly can Iain. Really sorry to hear that it's come to this __________________ Oooooh Cecil, what have you done?

24-09-2009, 18:09	#8
IainB Long Island Iced Tea Join Date: May 2009 Location: South Beds Baby Posts: 143	cocking hell.... (can I say that?) this has to be the worst thing in the world, ever....I thought I was doing OK, until late last night when it all finally hit home, lets just say today has been 'emotional' Roberta, interested in your arrangements as likewise we are all in the same house, for the minute at least __________________ www.imc-racing.co.uk and www.djiainb.co.uk

24-09-2009, 18:23	#9
Nutcase Moonshine Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Chelmsford, innit! Posts: 3,979	So sorry for you Iain Hope you both be as amicable as possible and it goes as well as it can.