Boat Drinks  

Go Back   Boat Drinks > General > News, Current Affairs & Debate

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 19-04-2011, 18:23   #1
Pheebs
Deep Throat
 
Pheebs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,512
Unhappy Relationships, love, affairs and gumph

Right. I am confused on so many levels it's unbelievable.

I know the world isn't a fairy tale, especially when it comes to relationship, love and romance. I guess that's why I don't have a big heart for romcoms... I think science fiction has more reality in it than many romcoms. But yeh... I try to not let my experiences taint too much of my perspective on peoples relationships but I just sometimes cannot comprehend why people live the lives they do.

Why is it... people stay in relationships despite the fact deep down they're not truly happy? I know it's not easy to break with people and there's a routine and comfort blanket element there but really? How? Why? I just... I couldn't do it. I just want to be happy and I want those around me to be happy too. If I had a partner and I was unhappy with them and felt I couldn't give them all they needed and deserved, I couldn't stay with them. Even if it meant losing everything, I couldn't do it (I say this from experience).

Over the years I have witnessed so many affairs too. So many drunken snogs and people sneaking around. Our office is riddled. It's like a spidersweb of affairs and love triangles. They're messy and yet, so many I have seen (and I hang my head in shame and admit I have even been involved in one myself), it seems that people have a tendency to return to their unhappy lives with partners and what not at the end of the day and remain miserable?

Why???! Why do they do this? Why are they accepted back? Not all the time, obviously, but I would say vast majority do? Are we just a ball-less nation of nimwits?!


For me, life is about living. It's about getting what you can out of it. You only live once. So many people know that and so... why do so many people fall into these routines? Why do they take it as "ah well, it's just how life is?"? Is there such a thing as true love? Do people stay in love - what is love in some respect?

For me. I have little faith in love in the romantic sense any more. I think we can all get caught up in the moment for the first few months, maybe a couple of years if you're lucky and be head over heels for the person you're with... but eventually it will die out and become routine and the same old. I think you can still love them... but rarely romantically. I just... I see it everywhere. I think there's only one couple I know who I would consider to still be in love after 25+ years of marriage. Still whisper things in each others ears which makes the other giggle, still fall into each others arms and don't take a blind bit of notice about anyone else in the room and kiss, still cuddle on the sofa, leave romantic notes, send loving messages, go out together alone and not feel they need the company of others to enjoy themselves, always want to be with one another and share experiences, surprise each other. Of all the people I know, they're the only couple I can think of who are still madly in love. I rarely see romantic love anymore unless it's in the first months or years.

This. This makes me so sad. It really does. I have been burnt a fair few times which I think isn't helping me but just... why!? Why do people live in lives they're unhappy with. And is there such a thing as true romantic love? Or is it more lust? It confuses me how people can be married and don't sleep together. Don't have a good smooch from time to time any more. Don't do romantic intimate things? Am I just a loving huggy person who likes smooches and rudies too much?! Because I just think I would be so unhappy in a relationship with no rudies or physical intimacy. I think it's a vital part of a happy relationship... is it not?!

I don't want to break. I don't want to fall into the trap of being in a relationship that's okay. I want to be swept off my feet and stay swept off my feet!! Am I a dreamer?!

Meh.

I am totally going to be the lonely old lady on my road in a falling down house who eats too many tins of napollena tomatoes and bakes awesome cookies. I can just sense it!
Pheebs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-04-2011, 18:55   #2
Belmit
The Mouse King of Denmark
 
Belmit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: The Winchester
Posts: 6,476
Default

Everything you've just said pretty much sums up a situation I have found myself in over the past few weeks. As such I may be about to do something some might consider foolish! Not wrong, not anything bad, just... something that might make me feel rotten for a long time if it doesn't go well.

I know what you mean though - settling down shouldn't be about just settling.
__________________
Belmit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-04-2011, 19:00   #3
TinkerBell
Dirty Spammer
 
TinkerBell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: In the middle!
Posts: 2,454
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pheebs View Post

I am totally going to be the lonely old lady on my road in a falling down house who eats too many tins of napollena tomatoes and bakes awesome cookies. I can just sense it!
I think this is the main reason why most people stay together. Better the evil you know than you don't is also another one.

I think most people think that the real one for them isn't really out there and they take what they can get!!
__________________
TinkerBell is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-04-2011, 19:05   #4
Pheebs
Deep Throat
 
Pheebs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,512
Default

Belmit - hope you're okay. If you need time out come hither and we will have merriment Big hugs x

Tink - which is SO SO SAD! So sad! It breaks my heart why people won't break free and go out into the big world and try and better their lives and happiness - and others! I'd rather be alone and happy in myself knowing I am not living a lie or just an okay life than with someone and be dreaming out a window. How can people want to be with others when they're in their relationship... but then stay in their relationship?!?!? On my death bed I would be disappointed I lost my spark, my hope and faith in finding true happiness. I can't do that.
Pheebs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-04-2011, 20:20   #5
Knipples
nipples lol (o)(o)
 
Knipples's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Brissle!!!
Posts: 4,947
Default

Having seen what my Dad has put my Mum through (for those that don't know he is an alcoholic) has had unfortunate consequences for me, because I won't put up with any crap (and I mean inconsequential stuff) and have therefore spent most of the last 4+ years single.

Also I fell in love with someone I couldnt have in my mid twenties, and that has left me somewhat scarred, because for a very long time afterwards, I was still in love with him, part of me always will be, but I have also realised I can't keep letting him rob me of anymore of my life, he made his decision years ago, and I should have realised that sooner.

I believe though that there's not one single person in this world for you, I believe there are different people for you at different stages of your life. I also believe that men and women aren't designed to be with one person forever (just some are able to manage it)

I'd like to meet someone, and settle down with a sprog or two, however I realised that i'd prefer the kids rather than a man who will just let me down in years to come, like my Mum has had done to her time and time again. (God I sound so bitter, life has damaged me, but at least I can see that now, I just don't know what to do about it) So I have also contemplated having the babies on my own. Not that I would ever trick anyone into that. I can't see where that person will come from though, or sometimes how they would fit into my life, which is already quite full.

Christ this is probably the most serious post I have made on here.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitten View Post

I'm still madly in love with my Dolly
Knipples is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-04-2011, 21:12   #6
Pheebs
Deep Throat
 
Pheebs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,512
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knipples View Post
Christ this is probably the most serious post I have made on here.
I'll lighten it up for you... and suggest I'll father your babies

*hasn't figured any further than the said above statement*

Afterall we're getting married!

It's amazing how much affect past relationships have. It really is. You'll find someone lass. I know you will x
Pheebs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-04-2011, 23:26   #7
Kitten
Spinky-Spank
 
Kitten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: 668. The Neighbour of the Beast
Posts: 11,226
Default

I don't know, I think there are exceptions. Immediate top of head examples: Matt & H for long term marrieds, Kate & Leon, Me & Leo for fairly long term relationships without marriage... I'd not stay if not happy - hell I left my husband after 9 months of marriage and the whole white wedding shebang because I knew it wasn't right and I'm never going to 'settle'. If it's not working, I'm out, is just the way it is.
Dont forget, just because you don't see intimacy doesn't mean it isn't there. Some people never sniffed (sniffed? WTF autocorrect, they aint dogs! - SNOGGED) or kissed & cuddled with a roomful - it's a hidden wink across the room or a sly smile, watching someone you love and feeling that flutter - you won't see that either - but it's there.

Although I don't buy into 'the one' - sometimes, you meet someone at the right time and circumstances bring you closer together & you grow together. Others, you grow apart. or get ripped apart by life. People come into your life, some stay, some don't and I genuinely think whether they do or not comes down to a tiny ripple on a butterfly's wing. Chaos theory

But...you hold your one fate in your own hands. Choose what to do with it, but don't waste it on second best. Everyone should be as happy as they can be, for as long as they can be. That's my philosophy anyway, just look at my sig
__________________
"You only get one life. There's no God, no rules, except for those you accept or create for yourself. Then once it's over... it's over. Dreamless sleep for ever and ever. So why not be happy while you're here?" Nate Fisher

Last edited by Kitten; 19-04-2011 at 23:32.
Kitten is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2011, 03:51   #8
Fayshun
Rocket Fuel
 
Fayshun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Adrift in the Orca
Posts: 6,845
Default

Coming up 9 years from me and Lom (erp!!) and I can remember the day we met for real after talking online, like it was yesterday, seeing her looking all confused and gorgeous behind the ticket barrier at Marylebone station.

I still get the "wowzer!" feeling when I look at her, (she'll probably slap me for this), not every day but most days.

We've had our ups and downs (mainly due to me...), and there's been times when we've both been on the verge of calling it off but we never do. Despite nights spent sleeping on the sofa or in the car, we always make up eventually. (I tell her I like sleeping "rough" like that, it appeals to the wild caveman in me, like camping!)

Even though this might sound like one of her Frapes, it's not. I'd be lost without her, she makes me happy!!
__________________

We must move forward not backward, upwards not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling...
Fayshun is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2011, 16:41   #9
Pheebs
Deep Throat
 
Pheebs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,512
Default

Sorry when I said there's hardly anyone I know, I refer to RL people (people I see regularly ie weekly/day to day) Don't want anyone offended by my post!!
Pheebs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2011, 20:00   #10
Kitten
Spinky-Spank
 
Kitten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: 668. The Neighbour of the Beast
Posts: 11,226
Default

Oh I see. Boo. I was hoping to brighten your expectations a little x
__________________
"You only get one life. There's no God, no rules, except for those you accept or create for yourself. Then once it's over... it's over. Dreamless sleep for ever and ever. So why not be happy while you're here?" Nate Fisher
Kitten is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 20:54.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.